Talking on clouds

This one is for you

2008-12-13T00:31:00.001+11:00

pulling to alight
he blocks my view
her eyes
they remind of you.
a rattle of windows
like mini speed bumps
on the tracks.
I missed my stop.
You'd have woken me.

Morning no.4

2008-12-05T15:03:00.002+11:00

Listening: Abba-Mamma mia
Reading: Heaven is a Playground

Okay... so here I am at my work desk, typing away @ $22 per hour. No wonder blogging is lucrative lol.

Ahhhh one post at a time to my ultimate blogging revival and i'm SOO unmotivated. Think my depressive mood must arise from a) DEAD PHONE, b) BORED/LAZY, c) MONDAY 1Dec.

Wonder if i should go for a 2-day course on Animal Surgery. Cost $385, sounds really professional and will be great on my resume, but is there a purpose? It's more or less like my backup of a backup of a backup career. Probably easier to start practising street sweeping. And cheaper too. hah.

Anyway, some breaking news: Got a bonded offer to do medicine in Flinders Uni, Adelaide. Will start in Feb 2009. Don't think i'm ready to leave. But it is a decision that can affect my career future. Deadline: 10th December.

Start of the busy weekend! with LAN party tonight haha and graduations plus shopping tomorrow, and lunch at Lynette's on Sunday. phew.

peace out.

Back from the Grave!

2008-03-29T22:39:00.002+11:00

Hi,
i'm not pretending to discredit myself from shar's "abandoned aztec temples" list, but i guess there's no excuse to not blog.
SOO quick update before i try to updte regularly and not lose far-away friends!

from 2007, it's been a crazy year from the beginning and looking back, things have changed HEAPS but i'm happy with everything i've done so yea! Top of the hit list, participating in YAA www.yaa.org.au Biotech Entrepreneur Program, learning lots lots and making crazy mistakes all along the way, learning how to deal with groups, personality clashes, individuals, dreams larger than life, yet walking life daily step by step. And of course, the opportunity to know Ai-Leen :D:D:D:D

SOO here we are at 2008, same apartment (thank God!) but people around me moving, changing. People growing, people i wish would grow, people whom i need while growing. Yeah kinda vague but this is just a SUMMARY!
2008 also is the start of MMG, Melbourne Mastermind Group, of Vinh Kel Am Ai-Ai and me, learning all about financial intelligence and recognizing the beauty and strength in each other, and helping each other reach our goals and attain things important to us. Many people would give anything for this kind of support around them ,this one almost fell into our laps. very thankful for this and hope we succeed!
Mummyhugs, australia be prepared to be blasted away! yes i will try my best at what i do worst: sell. But once i slay my demons i'm ready for more.
Keeping my world together, in one piece. Not pleasing everyone has been a hard lesson and now to adjust back to pleasing people who deserve it. hard, i better get my ass to it. Lives are at stake, literally. (my own included of course)
By the way, if i sign onto 3, how many people will conspire to murder me?
Peace out
p.s. Kaba Modern.....dance, as we knew it, is dead. and born.

And another AFC moment!

2007-10-22T20:28:00.000+10:00

At least i dare say i'm man enough to say this. That i'm just another freaking AFC plodding on down the street, shying away at once upon eye contact of another AFC on the street, like being ashamed of both yourself and for him.

I still can't decide if i like or hate this feeling : having so many thoughts that you actually don't know or remember the point of it anymore. Like Ross said ( to Phoebe), if you forget the reason, then you should just drop it right?

How-not-to-be-an-AFC should be taught to all boys in high school. Unless natural selection is your argument or you're a director hungry for a bullying-type plot.

either ways, i'm feeling fucked.

OverheARd

2007-10-06T19:38:00.000+10:00

This got me almost bursting out in laughter and smiling like an idiot when i was walking out of Aldi.
Aldi shopper going to Aldi with Aldi-first timer. At the register, the aldi-first timer became confused. So the Aldi shopper said to his friend:

"I'll teach you, Safeway Chump, the way we do things around here."

ALDI rulez. Give us more discount, international-student haven!

I NEED A FASHION GURU

2007-09-10T02:35:00.000+10:00

"The boys in jeans, snickers, nike t-shirts or collared unknowns, standard stuff. Then it's him, vith a semi-V neck black sweater, very casual, very cool. 3/4 jeans, showing his tanned and shapey calves, donning a pair of havanianas." Man. how do you NOT stand out like that? sex god...

ANyway, I need to get a) a better dress sense, b) a shopping buddy with a good dress sense, c) money.

HOW! maybe i can start with a haircut haha.

It's amazing how the clothes you put on can influence the attitudes of others towards you, and influence the way you carry yourself. And how so many first impressions stem from how you look/dress, and usually don't go very far from there....

I guess Neil Strauss is so right: To be able to show her your inner beauty, you have to attract her attention to you with outer beauty.

tragically true. Which is why i love those with x-ray vision. hehe.

Chinese Whispers, i'll steal your murmurs

2007-09-01T12:16:00.000+10:00

There's a peephole. On one side it's you. And the other, i's LIFE. It's not possible to open the door and see the whole picture (kai1 men2 jian4 shan1)......But you can always look into the peephole and catch a glimpse.

Peepholes are small. Sometimes they distort the image. You have to focus. "But but...it's so boring!" then let's go retro, and put on your tinted glasses!

Tinted glasses are of all colours. Pick your poison.
But wait! Why you go reaching for red? Is that all you want to see?
And keep your hands off the blue! yes they cool, but a little too cold.
Don't go for the green lest you be mean.

Happy colours will make your world happy. It's all in the peephole. LIFE doesn't change, but your peephole can be different. It's your choice. Pick your poison.

Post-Camp Day Dreaming

2007-08-05T22:50:00.000+10:00

I enjoyed camp this year! A few personal challenges, questions and answers have come my way, in their own weird and funny way... but that's who i am ain't it?

Re-lived a love for cooking and how u can like doing hard work if u truly love what you do.
Felt young, felt like i could still live bits of the fun uni life, will hate the days i start to feel like Kel (aka too-old-for-this) But i guess that's life.
Felt alot of love and friendship.
Re-assured everyone around me of my retardedness.

It was nice to see the young and new faces at camp. Before, i felt the same way as many old-timers in flare: what's going on this year? Flare spirit is at it's lowest! But after meeting these new people, i felt again i could hope to see these faces in future, having the passion that we carry like a blaze in our hearts for our beloved Flare family.

Star gazing was cool. We saw two shooting stars, and learnt to find scorpio and the teapot, together with Jupiter and Antares :)

Back to the real world is good but yet unwelcoming. Work greets us. ah well.

i hope everyone else had fun at camp, that maybe i helped made it more fun for all of you! :) will put some pics up later on...too bummed-out now :P

Now i'm sitting here in my room, contemplating all that i want to do. Maybe i'll start by going to Ikea to buy a bloody bed frame (about goddamn time!) and can't wait to get back to normal physical life!

Lyric line of the day:
"ooo i believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep." ~Jack Johnsn, Better Together.

Hum Ji

2007-07-29T14:17:00.000+10:00

Last night was the second time i felt like saying it. But i didn't.
Emo-ness is bad. need to think of the goals i wanted this year. It's just amazing how time flew by. I can still remember the first day walking into that board room, trying to impress 15 people at one go. And i knew i didn't have to impress the one sitting on my left.

These days been thoughtful, sad, happy, tiring and challenging. well i guess it's all a person can ask for in life.

My room is a mess. Does a person's surroundings reflect himself? Regardless, i need to clean up. At least there'd be a room to stay in, instead of the space of a footstep and two body prints. i always said i like small spaces. Well, serves me right haha

Environment, carbon trading and the whole she-bang

2007-05-22T15:26:00.000+10:00

http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/renovationnation/archives/2007/04/carbon_trading.html

I read this article while being bored at work and it reminded my of how important the environment should be on everybody's mind. I dunno how many ppl care about the happenings of australia, but it will surprise me if any international student comes up to me and tell me they don't know how bad the drought in australia is. Or the fact that Australia does not ratify the Kyoto Protocol and has huge nuclear waste problems and has a mining company topping its stock market exchange.

First thing that hit me when i read on was: shit, i have no idea what Carbon emissions mean to me. I remember those black balloons. But does anyone have any idea how much the numbers mean to us? check this out: http://safeclimate.net/calculator/ it calculates your carbon emissions per person, so that you know the CO2 that you produce in your daily activities.

The related question will be: why will Carbon emissions kill the world? All this biz and media about global warming and its debate is getting out of hand. Is it not clear enough to the world that we are the cause of its problems? Animals don't go extinct in the thousands in less than a century 'naturally'. Blame mother nature and her volcanoes and forest fires and floods all you want, but everything worked in a beautiful cycle before we came about. Ying and Yang, death and birth. One cannot happen without the other. None is better than the other, only balance is acceptable. And here we stand on one side of the scales, making the Earth scream like Xiaoyun when i step on her toes. something that starts like "ARRRGHHH!!!!!" to "zzz....hmph..." over time. The fact is, Mother Earth is not less unhappy about the situation just cos the decibels of her screams changes all the time. Having said all that, any noise is good, positive or not. In the end, when the interest level is high, people will find the truth and that is more powerful than what any president or scientist can tell you. So i guess it's a good thing. As the road safety slogans go, so does my environment slogan, "Keeping talking environmental awareness." Keeping talking, guys. Cos it's darn well YOUR problem. (yes u.) (no not the one behind u.) (u.) (yup.)

The other question i think about is the relevant article's debate: how much will legislation help? Is it right to punish people for their daily habits, whether reasonable or not?

- Is it too much of a blanket statement to say everyone is guilty? or is that just the plain ugly truth?

- Is this a legitimate cry to be considerate and broad-minded, or is this just an attempt to exploit the needy in order to cower in your own comfort zone?

This, i really don't know. But i guess some balance needs to happen. Especially a balance achieved with minimal bureaucracy.

My truth lies only in saving some water by showering quicker. Man, it's hard. But at least i'm trying. I blame a certain bad circumstance in my days at College Sq but ahhh that's another story...

peace out. love out. love and peace, out. XD

Looking over my shoulder

2007-05-13T02:43:00.000+10:00

Through life, people do/should look back at their lives and think or wonder about how they got to here, to where they are now. Recently, life has been routine, it's not hard for me to block things out completely, something like the quote i learnt today from friends: "Oblivious people lead fulfilling lives." I won't dare to say that fulfilling is an all-encompassing word for the feeling that i get but it's a bit of a summary i guess. Although such blatent ignorance take emotional tolls and reaps all the consequences mercilessly. Such as, no longer calling a friend as often. Someone thick as me (yeah i am thick in some matters) will not take a short time for it to hurt me enough to notice. It will always be too late. Too hard to rescue, too much effort and too little return. It's a joke that i feel lonely and not know why. People say it's not hard, just pick the phone up. But talking to a friend on the phone is not only financially unsustainable, it takes away too much of your regular life time. Which will end up to unwashed dishes and unfolded laundry in my case.

Clown. Yes i have always been one. In primary 3 i was the class clown. I also happened to be the class monitor and top my class regularly. I continued to become a teacher's pet, yet still clowning with the teachers at any chance. Physically i never was quite a big icon, but i never had trouble because i earned respect and friendship throughout the cliques. I learnt that happiness is an attribute that can unite any two persons, that it is most productive. And i want to make a change. To make people smile, laugh, or at least give them something to smile and laugh about. Even if that is me. I guess you can only tell a joke if u owned it, but I do make people feel that they owned me, that i always owed them something, everything.

I watch my dad, as he commands the laughter of friends, clients, children, women young and old. Dad was never a man of great stature, being an elder child in a poor family. But i think he has given me strength many times. To be who I am. To be a clown, but a commanding one. One that knows where he wants to take his audience, that the world is his stage and all eyes are on him. On stage he is the only one. One that leads the hearts of men. Well actually i have no idea how to do that. I've played it dirty too long to learn a proper way. Giving too much, betting on the good side of every person to carry me through when i'm in need. No real charisma, just a feeling that they owe me. That i've owed them and paid my dues, that i deserve something. anything. nothing. Nobody knows. Even i don't. All i know is if they laugh, it's all good.

Years in australia, friends get sick of the jokes, they laugh less, i struggle with the relationships. I try different, i try deep. Mostly i was just boring, too intense at times, inappropriate. Too lame, they call it. I don't know. Fresh guys make the same jokes, they are funny. I laugh. They laugh. Soon that will fade too, and backbiting creeps into that void. But those that have chosen to listen, they stayed, they trusted. I am both blessed and cursed to have a wide social circle.

Truly, for every man, there's something to say about him. Some one thing that's easy to say. Few people stray away from the one word "nice" when it's my turn in the line. I feel too neutral. I do everything, I am good at none. Yet somehow the desire to excel always falls short. No natural talent, the kind tongues say. But i stay content to be enthusiastic about life, i keep trying, new things, different things. It's not easy, being the underdog most times.

But thinking positive, having friendship as my greatest asset hasn't been too bad (except once when it was BAD.) Despite what many people see, I think i lead very naturally, never needing a loud voice or a fierce command. Some don't like it, but they miss it when it's not present.

As usual, it's always too late before people fully appreciate each other. Probably that's the reason why people only get truly famous and honoured after death, when suddenly there is no point in judging no more. Bad fades and good stays.

getting back in line.

My name is Emo

2007-05-03T22:51:00.000+10:00

"don't worry I know you're looking out for your friends...and whatever you say if I know that's what it's based on it counts a lot"

You know the times where you're so scared of screwing up that you actually do screw up? yeah, good times. Wish i can just screw up, get fucked and go home to mommy.

Can't help but notice that i'm increasingly emo. Gosh i need a fat slap to the face.

Kinda funny. This morning i woke up and i found that i've become a cynic. And i'm very close to believing in unbelief.

I made it a point to make it a point to learn the lyrics of one song per week. This week's choice is My Love by Justin T.

If only i could play bball, y'all be reading happier posts. Heh. Bball solves the world's problems. You know some people that love to dig their faces in the loveliest ice creams? or to run to the pier and scream/cry to the vast ocean? or take it all out on the person you love and apologise later? Well, bball's ma thing. And having no replacement is freaking zzz. It's like getting divorced and then developing impotence. GG NO RE dude. (non-gamers: read this as-> there's no hope of redemption; hopelessness; the lack of hope; black-hole syndrome)

Note to Self

2007-04-17T21:32:00.000+10:00

it's nice to read happy blogs. and curious blogs. hehe.
thoughts to myself: plenty.

main idea: i should count my blessings. i shouldn't ask for more.

but i didn't.
what am i meant to learn?

Wenzi in da house, JT in da house

2007-04-11T23:40:00.000+10:00

My partner in crime. My photo-whoring mate. Miss ya. tc.

The little things

2007-04-10T01:02:00.000+10:00

Never really experienced fully the meaning of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" theory of the man and retreating into his cave. But i think that time for me is around now.

There are so many things on my mind. Mostly distractions, no matter how meaningful, and they just overwhelm this little ball of neurons.

But i need distractions. The cave's a little quiet sometimes, when there's just me in it.

Some things:
1. Family
2. bad habits
3. why my computer can't read chinese characters
4. water bottle is empty
5. Next heroes when??
6. Forgot again

In the spirit of limbo, how low can you go?
Well the last time it was rock. Let's not outdo that.

Where is my mind?

2007-04-07T18:30:00.000+10:00

Scattered and raw
The pieces do feed crows.
Like the friends in my head
that never want to share.
My intellect torn to selfish jaws
Then left to rot for a better gnaw.
Where is my mind?
The heart doth try to find.
Where is my mind?
This loneliness scream "Try."
I can't find.

no.credits.left.

Fight Club

2007-04-05T01:00:00.000+10:00

I've just watched a movie that fucked with my mind. congratulations edward norton and bratt pitt u fucking terds.
note to self: watch movie again.
any takers? :D

My banana bread fantasy

2007-04-04T15:54:00.000+10:00

Evil and her evil sidekick desecrating my room.

Yeah i miss you too :)

ssw is happy

2007-03-31T13:45:00.000+10:00

a friend is here. I'm looking at her. At her life.
Her eyes and mine see the same things around. The same people, the same objects.
Yet in words she speaks of this fast whirling days of her life.
While i sit there in permanent reminiscing mode.
That's just her. And that's just me.
Wonder if it's good.

Twiggyhola and the adventures of Tan and Tan.

2007-03-29T18:11:00.000+10:00

Why have enemies when you got family friends like that? I present to you, Szela. She' prettier than the pictures i will show you. But too bad. heh lalalallala.

Yeah you sure as hell scared the beejeezes out of me and gave me nightmares.

Darlie advertisment.

More retardedness.

Lazy to post anymore. Next post will feature Twiggyhola/Potsypoot's pretty house. Meanwhile read her blog potsypoot

My birthday post!

2007-03-29T00:40:00.000+10:00

Aloha peeps! sorry to keep you waiting. And all that emo crap previously, although the muar chinese is DAAAAA best hehehe sorry to you bananas maybe i'll find a funny english thing to put up....

ANYtheway, lots of stuff to blog about! we start with my belated blog post of my many belated birthday celebrations!

First Up, BREAKKY SURPRISE! 2nd time in a row (yes i'm blur.)

The whole surprise gang! 4-5 times more than last year's.

Sleeping pose (except su lynn) Can't expect us not to! $%#!& early.

Dinner at Plume, Doncaster

Pav licked me. At 8 am when i just went to bed at 5am. I woke up blur, looked up and wondered why there's a silent buzz out at my door. The surprise was crazy, all i could say was "holy shit!" and turned away... then i tried to stare hard without glasses to see how many ppl, and there's like massive loads of ppl, some can't even get through the door to take a peek at my embarrassed face! Later when i got up, some ppl still weren't into the excitement... it was like "this corridor is jammed, move it sucker!...oh hi joon." Meticulously (i assume) planned by some mastermind(s), Jel the master mastermind, evilest of of all evil, to join gracey under the evil empire of evilness. Did i mention i love her? to bits? And the lovely peeps of Daph and Di, earliest to awake and cook some lovely pancakes! Jules, arriving early and discovering that Flare ain't too punctual....aiyo these Malaysians/Singaporeans sheesh :P And bringng those muffins. Su Lynn who took a taxi two blocks down, and made nice jelly yumyums kept me belly happy at late hours. Shar and Vinh and the heroic kitchen adventure, turning out lovely scrambles and frieds for us hungry monsters. Shar, especially, for her smile that was kinda magical, in that whole sea of "i'm tired." Yay and hoorah for morning people! Ning, who slept at what 8 pm?! and didn't look a least bit tired! An excited Ning, something i enjoy seeing. Ness and her porridge, serious yumyums. Jo, Am, Kel, simply for waking up after nights of little sleep and/or hangovers and whatnots. Love you, my lil grattan st family. To Caleb and Ian, who greeted me in a most brotherly love fashion :P To Leelee, my dear junior, always there, always happy. Suz, the bundle of smiles. To Bud and Xiaoyun, who had to prepare stuff to eat after tiring pracs hurriedly, and came back and had to listen to me talk and talk. To Junni, whom i'm sure was not there just bcos her cousin was. And last but not least to Rani, grandmaster sexxy. Who, with Evilest of all Evil, baked me a THREE-TIER PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE AND BANANA CAKE. all my favs, soooo thoughtful! esp Jel knows intimately about my banana obsession.... yes it's a little hard, just like me.

Special mention to Sher who i'm sure would have been first through the door if she could. and to mandi who couldn't make it. And to Lee-ean who made it to the dinner afters only. She also wrote me a poem hehe.

Off to Plume, by request cos i wanted a chinese restaurant.Ferried by Jazz club, in Ian's emo-car-of-the-decade. From which developed the running joke "Can i dip my YouTiao into your DouJiang?" :P Shan't comment on the bad things, but one waitress was really cute with her words. kinda sharp, like junni, but i like. Jel says "why do u always have to flirt with the waitress on your birthday dinner?" Maybe it's just me. :P

So anyway, presents! The gang got me this suit and pants from Myer. It's children's size ): but oh wells, that's what I am in Australia. and a nice shirt of light cyan. Also they got me a BUGE card, with pics and wrapped in colored foil, and with cut-out dolphins bearing all the messages from ppl, and the dolphins arranged to say happy 22nd Bday! Again, all my favs.

Me in my Bday Suit.

The dolphin card!

The back of the dolphin card

And that's flare for you, peeps. Always exciting. But that was not the end of it, more surprises recently?!?! But it's like playing cheat lar! it's too belated to not be surprised? lol. okok i risk sounding grumpy and unappreciative. So here's to the next double surprise.

Dinner at Tomodachi was set, even though Mou was sounding retarded when he told me that sher's bday thingy is being called off, but we still gonna have dinner....i was like "screw that, we still gonna get a cake!" I guess he couldn't tell me why. lol. So me and siaowen dandily went to buy a big mud cake for her, which was quite nice actually... but anyway the guys got me a cake too! i think it must be funniest for the waitress to receive two cakes before dinner...they'd be like "which one goes first? who's bday ISSIT?" lol. Guess what, my bday cake featured a bday song-whistling candle! omg wth how did u guys find shit like that? damn farni lar. I got the strawberry gateau cake yumyums ultimate.

Beauty and the Beast. In a nice shirt ;p

The present was the best. Sher thanks so much, it's something I have wanted. Not wanted, but really liked to have :D Plus it's my type of watch, my style. Fossil. Big thanks to everyone who chipped in for it. To Sher, for everything. To Jo, who went with sher. Mou, the 43 i can't live without. And thanks for the 2.5 message on the card. Let's keep the stupid-card-trend up :P Siaowen, who is too good at keeping her mouth zip at times, and too good the other way. To the rest, Eugene, Runxuan, Eric.

The point of this picture is the watch. really. serious! fine laugh at me.

Final Emo Note for everybody: Thanks. Means alot to me. everything. Somehow used to think I don't really have my fav this and that, but you guys manage to squeeze things I like out for me to see. That ain't voodoo, but it definitely is magical friendship. R-E-S-T-E-C-P.

Muar Chinese Heng Gou Li

2007-03-16T00:07:00.000+11:00

Da most entertaining thing i've seen in a long time. I'm gonna learn this rap baby!

Fuck Me.

2007-03-15T20:15:00.001+11:00

nuff said.

No Frills, No Thrills, Just Me.

2007-03-13T04:04:00.000+11:00

Most people will know i'm a straight guy. Yeah in all aspects. (dumbass..) So as a straight guy, i'm gonna say this....

I like honesty. Both from myself and from others. Don't get me wrong, i believe in diplomacy too. But truth matters more than anything. Truth with a bit of tact.

I want you to come talk to me. I want/need to hear it from you. Don't worry too much. I won't eat you. Like you said, monsters eat people. And you ain't one. Well, neither am I.

In other news, I'm already feeling negative vibes rippling through our community. Thank God for the positives, but nevertheless, let's hear some deep bottom-of-the-heart honesty. You know I love you and will support you, but you have to come clean. With yourself first, then with the ones that matter. There is no room for disunity in our family. Ohana. Means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

And in more news, self-pity is worthless. Okay fine, i'm guilty of a little of that now...but i'm certain it will fade. In fact i'm actively banishing it to the fiery hells. You should too. You have my shoulders (not my back tho...oops.) to lean on. To cry on. To climb on. As I will have yours.

I love you all. I can't dance with you no more. But I will walk with you. I will talk to you. And if you let me, I will hold your hand.

Pouring, drenching, dancing, playing.

2007-03-04T02:11:00.000+11:00

They say when it rains, it pours. Truth could not come closer to this superstition, as I’m taught over and over again in life.

Take an example, my heartland Johor Bahru, of which I’m apparently a grandmaster and protector of that sacred ground (cite iwannabefamous). When it rained, somehow it didn’t stop. And after 3 days of non-stop raining, many wondered if the sky has fallen. Certainly in a metaphorical sense, some people’s sky did fell. Reality came in waves, sweeping bustling towns and rural villages alike, as if blind to the rules of the caste system. Johor Bahru has not seen worst floods than this. This is the real thing. Natural disasters are finally arriving at beloved JB to wreck our lives as it has in our neighbours Kuching, Indonesia, Taiwan and Australia.

As with my heartland, my heart itself is climbing those cliffs of test. My worries, whether pressing or mediocre, flood me. Somehow in this whole turbulence, I’ve become all shook up. I procrastinate tasks to desperately try to find my identity. I’ve not lost it completely, but it is just hard to find among all the luggages and pills and the blur of the unknown. Maybe it is this ‘unknowing’, of my body, of my life in the near future, of my career and of matters of the heart that trouble me the most. Complicating these are some side worries for people I care about. And in the heat of all problems, I feel helpless. Since the first troubles, it has not gotten easier. Or luckier. “Once you’re rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up.” True, yet I’ve not hit rock bottom and I have no desire to return to that hole once again.

And when I needed it most, I fail myself. Maybe I have relied too much on these emotional releases, dancing and basketball. Most cruel and painful are these losses. But not the be-all and end-all. But terribly lamentable.

Just as with natural disasters, I seek answers to my confused, confuzzled self. The biggest question: “Why?” hangs there like a carrot on a stick. I seek comfort in knowing, and hopefully in understanding. Maybe it started when I stopped talking with God. Maybe these are tests meant to set me on the right path for good, while I still have not much to lose. I can nod my head to this. I’m young; my bones may yet grow. I’m freshly graduated; my chances may yet manifest. I am loved; my friends may not yet abandon me. I’m patient; it may yet pay off. Plus I still can Wii. Just like victims of the uncontrollable, I kneel here and look upwards. And I close my eyes. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I will do you proud.

And then I play in the rain.

I think i think

2007-02-25T04:35:00.000+11:00

I think i think too much. But i still think i use my brain too little.
anyway, the bottom line is: some one get me a new laptop. pretty please. with cherries and cream on top.
will blog with less laziness next time :P

Le Tour de Maison (House Tour)

2007-01-16T17:06:00.000+11:00

Bonjour! Vel-com, merci, me no speaking englais vell.

Dis iz my Maison. Veli short tour. But tres mignon (very cute)!!!

Uno. Zi paintings de mon mere (my mom's paintings)....

She's only taken her chinese paintings seriously in the last couple of years. From simplicity to nature, her style though limited, has excelled. Although not apparent, when viewed in real-life, the paranoma created by long paintings depict liveliness and depth. Plus her animals are always in motion. Proud-of-her level 8.5! Will capture some of her first love if possible: Ikebana. But dad is just cute/funny, suddenly all her paintings are hung up. Really, it was an overnight job. He made mom dig out past paintings kept in the closet to frame and display.

Deux. Random things.

The big grandfather clock in my house. I have no idea. But i gives a gentle dong every hour. So at least it's not the irritating cuckoos. lolz. so i guess it ain't bad. best part, its put right under the wall clock. lololololz. talk about white elephants. But this is a pretty one. heez *grinz*

Le Porche. Nope not the car. The real car porch. Decorated in the corner with a garden sitting set, indo bamboo with marble top, just like old kopitiam times. The last set was carried off in the middle of the night, so dad got new ones. haha. behind is a rocking chair, which was mistakenly painted blood red by me once... good thing it wasn't burnt by some superstitious freak. oh, and it has the view of our sweet garden, with overhanging pots and a mini pond (not like jojo's >.<) Best enjoyed when it's pouring, you can sit here, listen to the water falling and thunder roaring. Sip your hot kopi ahhhhhhh.......

De Dining table. Fishy! literally. indonesian hard-carved hard mahogany. kinda bulky but pretty and actually nice to sit at and to have guests over for dinner. yumyums!

The view looking out of my house. Dad loves trees. so much he planted four in the house. This is the biggest one. One's already chopped cos it was about to turn my frontyard into Jumanji. Anyway this little hill brings fond memories. And if you look at the bottom of the pic u can see my house has two gates. Talk about redundant.

Cute thing.

S&P, sitting in a shelf

H-U-G-G-I-N-G

(hmm. i can't rhyme.)

anyways, omg found this in my house. Salt comes out of one's eyes, and pepper comes out of the other's eyes and nose. LOL. there is alot of random stuff in my house. Will search them out next episode!

Trios. My room

Ok i'm lazy with the stoopid french accent already, as you can tell. This is my room, which somehow turned into a nice display unit of my house. All nicely decorated, much better than ikea i tell you, courtesy of me bro.

Ok la end of sad and boring tour. Another episode of boring stuff awaits! don't fall off the edge of your seat just yet..... (drumroll, applause)

happy holidays and happy work peeps.

miss all.

xoxo

That little feeling today

2006-12-11T18:51:00.000+11:00

Today i felt odd. I slept too much. I was late. I was proven wrong. I faked a face. I ate alot of KFC. I met an old friend. I felt slightly uncomfortable with another. I cringed at my wound. I spoke to dad. I confessed stupidity. And right now, I feel like I am slowly not knowing my friends. With that follows not knowing myself.
Just for a while, i wish to not think.
But just for a while.

Accidental Date

2006-11-21T05:12:00.000+11:00

it is funny. yes, ha-ha funny, not weirdo funny. LOL janice and me... can't believe it completely slipped my mind to call up all the biomed buddies for dinner. She put make-up and dressed up lor! omg. i'm a bitch. but anyhow ended up just the two of us. And it reminded me of the times we spent together honours-hunting at the end of third year. She is someone who remembers me and appreciates me as a friend, and will probably try to find me if i ever go back to malaysia...
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.

God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.

Lady, where's my Tosai?

2006-11-20T17:17:00.000+11:00

Heard this story from a fren, about indians on a Sg-Melb flight, asking for tosai and Miraaanda on a SQ flight.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?

a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)

*faint*

I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.

baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!

Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.

Ode to Derrick

2006-11-11T14:45:00.000+11:00

All day on wednesday and thursday, Derrick lamented, "In these 2 years, we've carried out so many surprises, yet i have not yet received one :( " and "Wow, grace got a video thingy. It's so nice to get a video thingy"

HINT HINT.

So fine, we give it to him.

Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"

Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.

Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.

The Boys. L to R: Aaron, Bud, Derrick, Joon, Kel, Rani. Absent: Vinh

The Ladies. L to R: front, Ness, Am, Shar, Derrick, Sher, Ning, back, Roz, Jojo, Junni, XY. Absent: Vee, Jules

Cherry Tree! Mass-clumping of human body parts.

Cherry Tree part 2!

Byebye to the corniest roommate of the year.

A short note of existence

2006-11-11T14:31:00.000+11:00

Funny that i'm "free as a bird", i find myself occuppying all my time again. One word to describe my holiday: tight.

Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.

Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.

People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.

While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.

The psychology of our daily lives

2006-10-15T13:32:00.000+10:00

Words can be just words. But if the pen is mightier than the sword, then words definitely can be equally murderous.

Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.

I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.

It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.

And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.

I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.

But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.

I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.

A long time coming.

2006-10-06T20:26:00.000+10:00

Looking back in a turbulent and ever-changing year of my life, i've come to embrace many facades of myself, both good and bad. And i've come to terms with things that go on around me in my life, whereas in the past i am just oblivious to it.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.

Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.

And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.

Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.

I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.

note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.

Story of a girl

2006-09-18T10:55:00.000+10:00

Relationships are bizarre.

It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.

But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.

And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.

How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?

It's tough.

I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.

And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p

Fun Internet Game....post your high scores!

2006-09-08T12:46:00.000+10:00

http://www.eyezmaze.com/tontie/v1/index.html

Snapshot of my life last week

2006-09-07T16:01:00.000+10:00

Last week, Miss Uni Gig happened. Yeah i didn't really know what happened in that week, it just whizzed me by. All i remember is long tiring pracs and alot of "cream of the crop" women. zzz.
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...

Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...

But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!

After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne

Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...

But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.

And the conclusions are mighty nasty.

Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.

SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:

Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.

Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...

Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...

So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.

Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.

p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!

My second new year resolution

2006-09-04T18:21:00.000+10:00

Spring is the new year. So i don't care and i shall make new resolutions and change the ones i don't like (aka i can't achieve ;p).

Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.

For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.

Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!

New resolution: Be time-efficient.

Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.

Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!

-j2daWin

p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!

Chatterbox commands!

2006-09-02T08:48:00.000+10:00

In my chatterbox, use these codes to make your message cool!

To create a link,
[url=http://www.demo.com]Homepage[/url]

Email link,
[email=me@demo.com]Email[/email]

Bold Text
[b]Text[/b]

Italics
[i]Text[/i]

Underlined,
[u]Text[/u]

Moving Text (left or right or alt)
[move left]Text[/move]
[move right]Text[/move]
[move alternate]Text[/move]

Highlight!
[mark]Text[/mark]
[glow]Text[/glow]

Annoying Flying Text
[fly left]Text[/fly]
[fly right]Text[/fly]
[fly up]Text[/fly]
[fly down]Text[/fly]

Blink blink!
[blink]Text[/blink]

wahahahaa
zzzzzz.
heehee
have fun!

The Spring of September

2006-08-29T00:05:00.000+10:00

Spring breathes life into all things.
Come September. My trying days are here. Take my lifeless body and manifest a stallion. Run the fields, trample the new-grown grass, and conquer the meadows in a sweep.

Spring brings life-giving waters, purifying winds, intoxicating fervor.
Infect me, O beloved bringer of the harvest, the new year awaits your touch, eager breasts inching, yearning, pleading.

And with the fairy-airy colourful nonsense aside, i need to put the plan of September into action.
Work. how do you do 5 months of work in 6 weeks? By starting with 3 months of work in 2 weeks. GO JUMBO!
I have a hunch i'm gonna have a speed lesson about what my professor preached:
"there are 3 days in a day. Each day is 8 hours long. You work 2 days, and take one day's leave (to sleep)." ..... -_-" powerful stuff...can't wait!!! -_-"""

Dance. Choreo Review is this week and i'm stil not sharp nor creative! urgh. i really need the time and will to improve my dance skills. I wanna see the day where i can step into a freestyle ring and actually do more than 2 moves!....

Priorities again and again and again. It's almost as bad as trying not to sleep in lectures. and positively harder than quitting coffee or instant noodles.

Friends Before i begin a path-of-no-return into lonely grumpy days without friends, i must admit how badly any friend can affect me, and how strong i can be about f**k-caring about anyone around me when i choose to. And so the balance is fragile. And i'm the idiot who will most definitely fail law school at this rate.. (law school, balance...get it?... nvm) So i better re-count my blessings again and remember the ones i forgot to count last time.

Future Need to find job, need to persue dream, need to know what dream is in the first place, need money to find dream, need to find job to earn money....this sounds like "the song that doesn't end". OK DON'T START. I SAID DON'T...sigh nvm... *sings along* Friends in uni studying fun fun stuff remind me of the days i loved science (esp Pharmacology). Maybe i'm just fed up of sitting around and waiting for miracles to happen. I currently do that literally. yes, i admit, i'm a WEIRDO.

Lousy attempt at poem
And again and again my path will begin
forever hold fast, i hope it will last,determination to push my imagination
of the inner workaholic who drinks hot horlicks.

Nights, love.
J2dawin

Appreciation and Seduction

2006-08-19T15:27:00.000+10:00

I personally can't handle appreciation. I don't even like the word. It makes me edgy.

Appreciating #1: I'm generally stable, even if i'm snubbed or anything. Attitude can't touch me. But underappreciation hits me like a bullet. Why? It's an insecurity.

Appreciating #2: I've now learnt that i also can't show appreciation. I defended myself initially. But now i feel it's true.

The other realization: Kindness is the hardest thing to repay.

***

On another note, i've just read finished "The Game" by Neil Strauss... the one book Derrick and I have obssessed over. And to the end of the book, i realize two things:
One: I'm already a good PUA, difference being intention and actually looking for long-term connections with 'em. AMOGing, Social proofing, i've done it all before.

Two: Reading this book actually works up an ego. Like, after reading a couple of pages, I've just gone through a conversation so filled with my own testosterone that i could smell it, yet can't stop it. it's toxic and positively bad stuff.

wait, i'm realizing a third: Sometimes, it doesn't have to take effort to seduce. Sometimes, as Style himself says, it takes some real love to attract real relationships. Sarging is only a more elaborate and effective "hello".

Thoughtful saturday.

***
Shakedown 2006

I like this photo. L to R...top behind: Shar, Vinh. Middle: Am, Grace. Front: Ning, Xiaoyun, Kel.

Kindness came the other way

2006-08-16T14:29:00.000+10:00

This blog entry has no other meaning other than to express my huge gratitude to Sou (who doesn't read this blog) and how much it means to me.
And the fact of the matter is, i haven't done anything for her.

who can say i've deserved it? i really wonder. But maybe, as the title goes, kindness comes around, in this big circle of life we all will never understand, and can only believe in it with heart and faith.

Today i believe.

Who is Joon?

2006-08-07T23:14:00.000+10:00

Man, camp was good. Team 6 named ourselves "Who is Joon?" after a corny remark by yours truly sparked creative juices in shar's and ning's head. and of course, beatrice with her wagamama to spice it up a little. Too bad we didn't video our cheer, but i suspect we'll do it once re-united!
pictures will be up once i get it, but for now, some of my own.

the beautiful sunset of Healsville, peaking out of the clouds with distinct rays. Like out of heaven. This was taken Friday evening in Suzzane's car.

The blind mice of team WHOISJOON basking in the glory of victory. L2R: Shar, Ning, Beatrice

Team WHOISJOON going for gold! Balloon challenge L2R: Rani, Shar, Me, Ning, Winnie, Jules, Aaron's leg, Suz our boss. (p.s. it's not what it looks like. we're innocent!)

ok i admit, this game is a contact sport. but, hell, all was worth it, and the prize....

Hohoho i promised Beatrice we'll win it back. And we DID!

love you all!

send me pics, guys!...and i'll send you mine too!

My new pet-song artist Terra Naomi

2006-07-27T18:23:00.000+10:00

CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD
TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY
IT FEELS LIKE THE BEGINNING
OF SOMETHING MORE
AND WE ARE STANDING ON THE EDGE
OF ALL THAT WE’VE IMAGINEDIN LIVES BEFORE

KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING

MY FRIENDS THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR
IT’S NOT IMAGINATIONI SEE IT EVERYWHERE
A STATE IMPOSSIBLE TO FEIGNSUSPENDED ANIMATION
THIS HOPE THAT WE RETAIN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING

DON’T BE AFRAID FOR USIT’SNOT TOO LATE FOR US
TO TAKE IT MAKE IT INTO
SOMETHING WE CAN SAVE US
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING

Play the Blues

2006-07-24T16:07:00.000+10:00

Music: Norah Jones- Come Away With Me album

Lazy afternoon, sitting here on a monday and gloomy thoughts flood me. It's the Carpenters theory, i tell ya. (Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters). As i sit here, half tired, half relaxed, i lose grip a little. And i start to think.
Don't mind me, sometimes gloominess is plain unreasonable and just needs to be said out. And i guess if i wanted to choose any of you out there to be my listening victim, i'd rather torture you all together, share the love yo?
Firstly, Nostalgia. Norah Jones marked the happiness and sadness of my recent past. Her tone, her words, just hits those spots in my brain, those feelings you call "love".
Secondly, Flu. Stupid virus is infectious before you're sick....smart bastard. This time i'm not gonna let it outsmart me. Last time i infected half my lab. Oops. I only realized it was me after i was well and returned to lab, only to find half the lab off on sick leave. That's one shitty feeling. I could never pass for a bioterrorist without eating myself out with remorse. Only problem is i have to miss my ONLY dance day of the week. Suckstobeme.
Thirdly, friend's msn nick read: And suddenly i become part of your past..... Too many times, too many memories. And it haunts me time and again.
Fourthly, hate this, but What's the use of honesty, when i still can't say what i really mean?
Fifthly, and pettyly, where's my holidays? f**k......
Sixthly, miss pav.
Seventhly, miss ppl.
Eighthly, housemate issues.
Ninthly, general feeling of underappreciation.
k enough. My feminine scale is hitting the roof.

"And as i sized down the mirror,
full-frontal drenched in mediocrity,
i saw the boy i am now,
the man i can become,
and the grouch i fear beckoning
on my back."

Yeah be strong.

Conquering the greatest silent assassin

2006-07-11T13:23:00.000+10:00

AND while we are all raveling in our immense love of food and togetherness, of which i cannot be prouder to be a part of, i must pour some cold water.
BECAUSE AUSTRALIA HAS LAUNCHED A ANTI-DIABETES CAMPAIGN! TAKE THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE USA!
Did you know that Type 2 Diabetes is afflicting almost a million people in australia? Diabetes doesn't sound horrible, but it is the 7th leading cause of death here.
To me, this is great, because the two greatest diseases in the world ain't some Influenza H5N1 from certain wild ducks, or other nasty stuff like HIV, it's really just food. Malnutrition on one end, the Americans with their fat-dripping Mackers on the other.

and the risk factors?
-hereditary
-age
-smoking
-high blood pressure
-type of food

bitch slap me, but i'd suggest, to add to Am's list of Flarian food parties, a vegiesaurus night! i'll bring celery!

and of course, exercise. but then again, i AM exercising!... exercising my finger muscles in 26++ different positions, plus extra push-ups for my right index finger using the "left click" and also a great workout for my cillary, oblique and rectus muscles......... phew i'm tired already typing all these non-sense ;p

The Joy of Gluttony!

2006-07-08T01:18:00.000+10:00

Oh sinful joy! oh wretched happiness!
at 1am i find inspiration to blog? great....
but can i really eat my way to contentment, to fulfilment and possibly to happiness? the way to a man's heart is his stomach? cannot be more true. love me, feed me. Please do. Oh sweet cherry laksa king....

somebody better bring me there quick. my weekend is about to be over in 2 days. heez.

This is the reason flare people are very happy people. No question. (just check out vinh's grin)

Dig in everybody! yumyumyumyumyum mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Case Study:Ancylostoma canium

2006-07-05T10:43:00.000+10:00

Poor pav is the inspiration behind my recollection on parasites lectures. This time it's not human tho, and it is Ancylostoma canium, a.k.a. doggie hookworm.

It's called hookworm cos it has 2 hooks at its mouth and uses it to latch onto the intestinal wall of the dog. It sucks blood and its eggs come out in the poo. Although in the case of Pav the worm itself comes out. and hangs around the hair near her bum. Any suggestions if it's a different worm? any the way, it's scary piece of shit, but it's most likely not infectious to humans, although it may burrow into the skin and cause a minor lesion.

Yesterday i just realized there are many many MANY dead hookworms in my carpet. I'm truly disgusted and freaked out.

Went down to vic market pet shop (thanks ning!) and got her some medicine which pav seemed to enjoy. but she refused to eat after that. Next morning she was fine tho, and her poo so far is not watery, nor is it bloody. Hope she gets well soon. And she's getting cheeky. Running away from me when i wanna scold her! wth. i feel like i'm my mom 10 years ago chasing me around the house with the cane lolz it's karma i guess.

Dog-gone Days

2006-06-27T18:13:00.000+10:00

Oh where oh where can my baby be? The lord turned her into a pu-ppy...
lame shit... but i think me and Pav, she's starting to understand english. either that or i'm going crazy. Either way, she's getting more street smart. Yesterday she peed on carpet again, but i saw drips leading to the newspaper area.... is it just a case of "AIYAH I CANNOT TAHAN LIAO!!" hmmmmmmm???? really hope she's learning. Tula's been better at reading her motions tho. She managed to carry her to the newspaper exactly when she wanted to pee AND shit. wow *clap clap* i suck :( toilet paper is now precious commodity in the house, and newspaper a serious deficit. I'm collecting MX off the seats of trains after everyone leaves la....like some rubbish man zzz
Took Pav for a walk in the park on Sunday. She's such a girl magnet. It's a freaking girl magnet?! every guy needs a cute puppy on a pink lease! sounds gay, but hey, gay guys always have hot gal friends. oh man *droolz* Never had that many random chicks INITIATING conversation with me! A freaking dog is better at girls than i am zzzzzzzzz
ANY the way, i bathed her that night. She shrunk into half the size! and then got bigger after her blow-dry session. wow. it's like getting a perm. AFRO DOG!
Having Pav really trys me, tires me, worries me, but has never made me feel more wanted. Kinda wat i really need right now. :)

Panic-driven Rants

2006-06-21T17:01:00.000+10:00

I realized that from the time i pick up the rat until i finished anaesthetizing it, i don't breathe. I hold my breath until my face turns red and hot. Panic attack sia. And still people think i can hold my nerve, especially the last time the sick rat bit me so hard i thought i was gonna break a finger. and i still held on to it. But today the stupid rat tried to run and i lost grip. Plop onto the floor..... didn't lose a limb luckily, but made both him and me edgy.
Speaking of nerves, Pav is really a test of patience. Day one, i shouted at her until my voice turned hoarse. Cos she peed like 4-5 times on carpet, and shit on carpet too....omg. But today (day 2) she was good, pee on newspaper and shit on newspaper too. Except this morning....i woke up and she was beside me at the bed....pick her up and sleep in bed for 5 min...then i went to pee. and she went to pee too. except i walked from bed to toilet. She walked from bed to carpet beside bed. sianz. made me run like hell for train. and i mean like hell, together with illegal crossing of flinders st (which has heavy traffic at freaking 6.30am in the morning). Almost died, twice, the second time while seating in the train with my heart about to burst pumping. I finish one roll of toilet paper in one day cleaning pee.
But it's still a joy to have pav here. finally a pet that interacts. haha. but don't get me wrong, i still love fish and hamsters and terapins and all the weird insect nonsense pets.... including bright blue tarantulas and black scorpions caught from the jungle behind my house. Exotic wink wink. And every fish that died i remember burying it with a tomb, plus family prayers for the mistreated one.
I wanna play ball. I wanna play badminton. I wanna play tennis. And i don't wanna pay. bleh. 9to5 sucks bad, esp when the sun don't last past 5.15pm.
Can't wait till potluck day. Will try jel's cake, which i so totally lusted over, even tho i'm not a sweet tooth.
One question: WHERE CAN I BUY BANANAS? freak. 11.98 a kg at safeway i'd rather buy durian....hmm anyone dare to try durian bread pudding muahaha.
right now, i just want a good weekend. Which i'm not gonna get. zzz. stupid experiment blues.

Progress Report June 2006

2006-06-08T12:52:00.000+10:00

Oh man this is shit. I've been late late late late LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
freaking cannot wake up in the morning...i'm totally immune to my alarm clock now, even when i put it under my chest so that the vibration can 'shake' me.....dammit.
But i'm glad to be busy these days. Really really spending my energy on work...it tests me.
I'm like the biggest pirate now in my personal history, with x-men evo and spiderman season 1-5 coming up soon!!! woohoo! and i want a new PC. anybody care to rant to me about many many technical shit about the best budget config?
Shopping soon, wanna get a beanie.
Suddenly there's this surge in my life, that feeling to wash away all the gloominess before, and make you slap yourself in the face for even thinking one second that life is shit, that i'm alone and/or lonely. thanks everybody, lil words and acts make big differences.
More update soon, i think. ;p

Proving Me Wrong

2006-05-31T11:23:00.000+10:00

The goals i set for May 2006 are almost complete. My diary is full, I'm 50% less late, and when i'm late the "late time" is less, i'm keeping my wallet in check, and i'm doing things more regularly. and i attended dance!
This month is to piss less people off. and keep my jaw from falling into my soup. and try to burn weimou a couple more times than usual, and try to not panic when pk jumps in front of me. Eat more? learn more recipes ;) esp western stuff. And to sort out money stuff. and dance.
I also need to feel less frightened when i'm in my own home, in front of my computer, downloading p2p. i have nightmares of police busting my doors. oh god.
It's time to prove me wrong, that it's never too late to change. for the better of course.
thanks sher and ann.
Will appreciate all the help i get in this :)

Train station Jazz

2006-05-22T23:34:00.000+10:00

I saw your face, in that crowded place,
And i don't know what to do,
cos i'll never be with you.
-James Blunt "Beautiful"-

morning. and i saw her. twist of fate, cruel, funny and interesting all in one twister wrap.
and songs rushing in my head. rushing rushing Bic Runga rushing rushing, something to do with subways and a special girl, rushing rushing oh yeah his name is James Blunt, staring staring into nothing nothing. Bic Runga again. and i smiled.
Maybe i should just count my blessings. And also get street-smart. At least i can look back time and again and never regret not trying.
Suddenly i have this urge to run to the ocean and scream, in ecstacy, in despair, in vain. And smile after that.
I guess we all need one of those, in one of those moments.

If Only

2006-05-11T08:14:00.000+10:00

If only i was as free as him.
if only i had fun like him.
if only exams were history, like for him.
if only i could be him, and lead his life.
if only you were me, then you'll see, you'll see.
I need to see through myself.
and so does everyone.

Trying too hard.

2006-05-06T03:35:00.000+10:00

Verses, Proses, my mind is singing,
through crowds foreign, i light a grin.
No end to where i'm going,
to and from the beginning.
Yet paths of legends walk astray
but find their way over again.
To dream, to sing, to fly away.
i catch a star along the way.
To give, to take, a love to share,
a heart to melt, my mind doth tear.
For what is meant to be will be,
my voice leads me to hills a-free.
~3.54am~

Housewarming of Flinders Mansion

2006-05-04T19:28:00.000+10:00

Yup this is Waaaay overdue, both this post and the housewarming of our lovely new address at Flinders st. Love the location, love the kitchen, hate the noise, but hey, nothing's perfect. Except these beauty queens.------->

So, anyway, the turnout was great, had apologies from important people.
Theme, as you can see, was Gu Dai Shi Jie....
I guess it was hard, but fun as well.
Bravo to all me ladies for turning out in lovely china-china things....hahaha and sorry it was cold...don't blame me.
So Me and Derrick spent a whole week trying to clear all the mess out before it was decently presentable to invite anyone. Especially Friday, the whole day was pretty hellish. But, after turning our bedroom into a nuclear test site, the living room finally looked decent :)
Thanks to all you peeps for coming, cooking, humoring, and entertaining yourselves, thanks DJ HockSeng for the music, and thanks Derr for the very china things we wore. And sorry that some of you saw little of me, it was a little hard to juggle 30 guests, a table full of food, and a sink full of dishes. I'm sure you all will understand. And a bigger thank you for people who sacrificed something to come, like having to hurry from airport, braving the cold to donn the cheong-sam, spending so much time to make food, coming when you have better things to do....THANK YOU.

ok enough of the boring shit. Wanna re-cap how many moles and where they are on good ol' Derr? haha....Or what my numerous fetishes are (that was NOT a real question btw).....
okok don't freak out on me.

Lots of love, yo.
Best part, our place is still the same state. (thank god) yay!

p.s. leaving you with a pic of stunning Melbourne sunset from Mt Dandenong!

Tourist Destination no.1

2006-04-08T11:20:00.000+10:00

You'd never guess it.
Yesterday was night market. And wonderful and crazy things happened.
Never thought i'd trust anyone with my car. If i had one. But it seems karma is different. It's telling me "Share your goddamn car! in future, that is." haha I've learnt one thing: don't judge a person before you even know him. I'm pretty proud to say the Uncle from Chili Padi is a COOL DUDE! that's right, free advertising to the nice the good men out there. He let us use his nice CR-V sport for the day. and guess who drove?...no Guess! no, wrong. no, wrong again. it's me. dumbass.
Anyway, hahamuahaha i still can't get over driving. and almost backing into a van (OOPS). if anyone tells uncle this, i'll strangle you till your lifeless body dangles from the 5th floor of 166 Flinders St.

So life's like that, unpredictable at best, but where's the fun in monotony anyway?
like a friend said, if bad (or strange, for that matter) things didn't happen, we wouldn't have stories to tell, and we would be boring grandparents, and we don't want that do we? all the nursing-home blues and wandering-the-streets days.... (ok i made the last bit up)

Sometimes bad things are even good for your soul. It's like a road trip. You hit a kangaroo, you laugh it off. Your car swerves dangerously while a trailer overtakes you, and you try to laugh it off. You realize you're not driving TO anywhere, but rather you're driving AWAY from your destination, your purpose. Can't laugh at that one. Gotta cry it off your chest. But in the end of all things, even roads don't last forever, and you gotta do a U and come back to reality. Except this time you make sure you keep some of that good kangaroo steak (it sells for 26bucks per 200g, trust me, just ask the "Hard to get" crew), and you stick your middle finger at the asshole trailer while he's not looking, and you remember your break is over, but your life is not. And you go back and make the world better, so your grandkids can say what an awesome grandad or grandmom (i'm trying to be politically correct) you are. That's that. And maybe, the next time you need a road trip, my number is 0411028588. If i'm dead, bring me in your trunk anyway, you never know when you need a good bone in the car. (OMG did i just say that?? yes i did *grinz* )

Unlike most people say, friends do come and go. Better grab them before they vanish. grab where, depends on your want of a good ol slap.

Over and Out.

Toosh Koosh Bush Doosh

2006-02-23T19:50:00.000+11:00

Toosh is the wind
that carries my thoughts
Gone in a toosh,
gone with my thoughts.
They leave a trace,
as defined as breadcrumbs.
I search with grace,
still i feel so dumb.
I think a moment,
for a better answer,
while the image of dinner
fades to a colourful blur.
It's hard to believe
that i actually speak english
when vegetable is a 4-syllable
and fiss is a water creature.
Einstein was right on key
when he spoke of stupidity
and i will stop this rhyme
and the torture of your eye.
good bye.

;P this happens when i'm bored.

It's Just a Feeling

2006-02-20T08:40:00.000+11:00

I'm Speechless. And the great talkative, full of BS "J to the Win" is for once, utterly speechless. With every email, sms, call, hug, cake, every second spent with me not dota-ing, not studying for a monday exam, baking, cooking, waking up at freaking 9.30am, I am drawn further into jaw-dropping, eye-popping, heart-throbbing speechlessness.
My greatest thanks to all you peeps, I LOVE YOU. freak that's gay, but i had to say it. There you have it. My closet-opener.
My Family.
MouMou, Ann(i wan the brownies), Siying(gd luck!), Elv, PK, WP, Eug, CS, Syl(sorry!), Ling, Eric, Ryan, Kim.
Derrick, Jel, Hendry, Ning, Grace, Shar, Ness, Leonard, Kel, Am, Cindy, Vinh, Prisc, Junni.
Michelle, Ailin & Bobo, Bohan, Chris Wong, Runxuan, Seng, Zheshien, SernKia, even from Mark.
Who else did i not remember? Memory lapse here.

I was surprised. For the Guitar, Boobies, nano, cake, card, le tour de Melbourne, the Super Surprise, the delicious breakky, the more delicious scones, L'oreal, Doraemon, the Electric Mixer, Jamie Oliver, the note, the sms-es, the call, THANK YOU.

I'm don't like S & M, i don't have fake boobs (they are real), dolphins ain't my type, the waitress wasn't that cute anyway, and i'm not sad, not anymore, and promise not to be for a long time.

More starry than the all star weekend was that my weekend is unforgettable. And i did everything i wanted to. and somehow, got everything i wished for.

I shall try to soak up all this and hopefully translate my gratefulness. Pictures next!

More thoughts on a rainy morning.

2006-02-09T11:43:00.000+11:00

Good things are only appreciable when you've got bad things to compare them to, isn't it?
I remember a quote off my postcard-decorated wardrobe door, which i love so much.

"I, the lyrics, need you, the melody, to give life to the music"

In the same way, good things are only good when you've got someone to appreciate them.

Thinking about My Life.

2006-02-08T04:01:00.000+11:00

Someone once told me that i was different to other people. Somehow within me, i carried purpose, and i walked foward, never looking back for too long. I inspired, i lead.
That was more than a year ago. I knew that Joon Win. I liked him. Things change. So do people. Some reluctantly, some happily.
So it can be expected that I changed.
'Purpose' used to mean the things i do today that makes a difference tomorrow, the year after, the century after, it was all the same. That drive, that passion, that fulfillment. I lived it. I loved it. It made me smile, no matter what.
'Purpose' now means what's for dinner.

'Dreams' used to mean ambition, hope, happiness, family, love, unity.
'Dreams' now means I slept very well.

'Change' used to always be better. Old trees die, but the spring brings new life every year.
'Change' is now a burden. A getting-used-to again.

But i also know, Now is not Forever. Neither am I.
Tomorrow is just a list of to-dos and other formalities.
Today is the touch of love.
Today is the breath of fresh air.
Today is fulfillment. Today is happiness.
Only today. only today.
Let us start Today. Let us live today.
Let us love today.

May the summer breeze waft change in my life, and let me see the best Me that can be.
God be my strength.

Growing Up Rich.

2006-01-24T20:23:00.000+11:00

Some point in our time, we experience crisis. There's puberty and mid-life. And then there's now. Right now. Out of school, almost out of school, and almost broke. We all fall under one or more. And me? I'm falling, period.
Talking with me mumma (same conversation that night) i told her how most people in Australia that i know are with rich parents, sending their kids overseas for an overpriced albeit prestigious Uni Melb Degree. I told her i was a spoilt kid, and i didn't want my kids to be like that. I told her i'd settle being middle class. i'd drive a toyota instead of a Mercs, eat Streets instead of Haagen Daz (unless my wife insist ;p...which i'm sure she will...i'll marry one that will) and not live in an oversized mansion. And i'll have a stable employee job, and i'll have family time. Perfect. My mom just shook her head. I was so proud of myself that night. I was noblely giving up the riches, and valuing family. To amount to what? Hypocrisy one night later.
Having a bud with me budds (lame, plus i didn't drink) i was sipping my lemon tea and talking about the future. How to earn money? My fren brought up his entrepreneur ideas about a restaurant with it's focus on being an "experience". Holistic, original and great. Now where to get the capital? I thought for a while. Bringing up my readings on "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", i tried to mask my biomedical science commerce-bonehead ignorance and discussed investment. Which eventually made me think of all the riches i could possibly make and i smiled. A real, huge, self-satisfying, greedy grin. And i still wonder why.
Maybe it's cos i'm that spoilt brat i say i am. no-one has ever called me spoilt. but still, how do you ask a person who's lived a life of "yao qian, shen shou, yao chi, kai kou" (in mandarin, means Want money? reach out your hand. Want to eat? open your mouth. ) to bow down into a life of to-do's and get-along's? It's not easy, and maybe that's why money IS important, whether we like it or not. Maybe it's not about greed, but rather, it's really survival. Earning to support our lifestyle, our entertainment, our so-called "life".
There is definitely more to this. I've seen so many people on the streets in malaysia, with low wages, some really small job with no future in the night market, and they have family. They have kids. How? How do you live on a $10 daily budget and still get by? it is inconceivable to my very comfortable life. Yet people do it.
I want to help people. And i realized i cannot wait to be rich to do that. Cos once i'm rich, i will be selfish. Maybe this is why sacrifice is needed. Your own life, not for the better lives of others, (we can't do that much) but for better days of others. And that is enough to make a difference.

p.s. peeps in melb, dun be offended. I don't work, so i don't earn my keep like i should. You guys do, you rock! And if you don't, you can empathise with me ;p

Life is for living, we all know.

2006-01-23T07:21:00.000+11:00

I realize that posting lyrics on your blog ain't too smart, considering most people actually don't bother to read all the small and wordy stuff.
However, i just did. look below. and i hope you read it.

Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.

But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.

As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.

But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.

-Coldplay, Life is for Living

The last line echoes in my head. Over and over. Having this talks with your mom in the night is spiritually and emotionally challenging. All at once my values i cherish dearly are challenged. And i can't say things to hurt my mom. Not when she only sees me once a year, one week every 52. Yet i still do, subtley. When i question her teaching methods. When i wonder aloud what happened to me when i was a kid. When i get talking about me staying in australia the next 5 years. And still, it fustrates me when she question and object , at the same time (women can really multitask, eh?), the way i handle my friends, and the decisions i make about myself in australia. And we get talking about my future. And how i will find her a really good daughter-in-law. And she will poke fun at it. She's funny when she finally decides to cut me a little slack. Which will remind me of the women i'm missing in my life. My mom and my sister. And my ex, who would be that mother figure i depended on for a year. And the lost of all that in my uni years. How i shyed away from forming close lady friends. How i started to not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. How i couldn't deal with all the silent moments where i ran out of things to say.
And the worst of it all, to come down and deal with the disappointment i so readily handed out to my friends. Gaining trust all over again, listening, shutting up, paying attention, getting a grip, thinking before speaking, being more sensitive, being less sensitive, hurting, hurting, hurting. Never knew a human being could rain like a 'water tap'.
And to bounce back, to have the strength to forget, forgive, move on. I could have never done without you peeps standing by me.
And i will walk this song. this song of life.
For songs are made for singing. And life is made for living.
p.s. this is the most romantic apology i've come across. Good idea to learn it now, buy a guitar, and use it I.C.S.H. (In Case Shit Happens). ;)

Expressions of Love

2006-01-22T04:03:00.000+11:00

"You'd think that people would have had enough of
silly love songs.
But I look around me
and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that ?
I'd like to know '
cause here I go
again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I loveyou."
-Wings, Silly Love Songs

And really, what IS wrong with that? Born with a dick, people like to think that it is un-seemly to express myself in love. After losing chances to show my love for people i truly care about, i have felt the urgency of every loved one to be bathed in my love all the time. And that was what i set out to do.
But it seems that things are not going well. i may be doing it wrong in a few ways,
a) i come onto people as being gay. Well, i'm sure MANY peeeps will agree that ain't something new. But men can show love to one another outwardly, can't they? With my guy friends, i always have to settle for assuming their actions, their attitudes, and the things they say, the time they spend with you, to feel the love. I guess i'm a person with that great need to feel love. throw a little insecurity and you've probably figured me out.
b) i'm oversensitive. Maybe i don't feel the love because i take them too seriously. Most times, contrary to popular belief, Guys just wanna have fun (to those wols peeps, the song 'girls just wanna have fun' is being satired). This one is a tough one for me. Maybe i changed to trying to take them seriously because i wanted to be taken seriously. maybe i should learn a tad or two about timing, or rather, good timing.
c) Love just isn't about outward expression. I am aware now that people can regard an outward expression of love to be superficial, almost routine. refering to the aussie culture, where touch is a common aspect of their social behaviour. A hug can mean lots, and it can, at the same time, mean absolutely chicken shit. Of course, i ain't no Oz, so if you get a hug from me, i'm for real, baby! and Kel, i know you're for real too....Keep it real ma nigga. Perhaps, as i always preach but forget to do myself, it is deeds, not words, that are our adorning. And above all, the thought and intention and effort that counts.
d) Love must come from the heart. Sincerity, maybe, is the point of issue here. That, i must say, can only be judged by the receiver, and it is for me only to remain true to my heart and be sincere.

My goal is to become a person that is absolutely un-superficial with feelings. And when it comes down to taking a left-down-hatred-lane or right-up-where-it-feels-good-lane, i'd absolutely be obeying the "no left turn" road sign. Cheers to building true friendships!
two words: Keep it Real. shut up, 'it' aint a real word, it stands for.........

2006-01-11T16:04:00.000+11:00

In a plane above Fraser Island

Summer Breeze!

2006-01-11T16:03:00.001+11:00

Finally i'm back here blogging. although this time it's just pictures! i guess i can't wait to show all you peeps our crazy times in Queensland and Sydney, where we flew up to Cairns and drove down back to Melbourne. Most of the 2 week trip was spent on the coast of Queensland, the Sunshine State! hehehee and check out my fav pics, those with Jump for Joy! (remember Russell Peters??)
anyway, i'd probably be back blogging in a while. unless my keyboard dies on me again zzz.
peace out and stay healthy!
i do, and i will, miss all you peeps out there. love!
Joon Win

2006-01-11T16:03:00.000+11:00

Group pic in Dreamworld! and me being the dumbass

2006-01-11T16:01:00.001+11:00

Shark Rescue!

2006-01-11T16:01:00.000+11:00

My homies at Harbour Bridge!

2006-01-11T16:00:00.000+11:00

Jump for Joy! Dreamworld, Gold Coast

2006-01-11T15:57:00.000+11:00

On the boat around Great Barrier Reef

2006-01-11T15:56:00.000+11:00

Jump for Joy 2! WetnWild Gold Coast

2006-01-11T15:53:00.000+11:00

tickle the fat aussie bloke!

2006-01-11T15:52:00.000+11:00

Summer at Queensland and Sydney

Friends in need, friends in deeds.

2005-10-31T03:32:00.000+11:00

"Let deeds, not words, be your adorning"
Showing love in ways other than words is hard goddamn work. But it is also never more effective at striking bullseye into the hearts of people. Actions weigh more in the fact that they are not passing, they are laid down, they become fact. Words and whispers ride the wind, actions ride your history textbook. it goes down a long way, every deed.
So my message to you will be: open your eye. open your heart. See beyond the words. See the person. See the sincerity. Make your judgement from there. No words are needed now. Just close your eyes and feel that person, holding your hand, never letting go. If you trip, we fall together. and we get up together.
Listen to yourself. Look upon your own deeds. Where your words may come and go, your deeds will make and break. Watch your step, think, and act in the spirit of love. Of sincerity, and kindness. You will know yourself best. And only you are the master of your own deeds and thoughts.
Love is two-way. Someone close to me once told me that there is grace and merit in BOTH knowing how to give, and knowing how to receive. The spirit is essentially the same. Give generously, accept humbly. To give and refuse to receive is denying the love of others. Then there is no love from you to them as well. Love is two-way.
And for you, that special one, you will be remembered in my prayers.

why try?

2005-10-28T02:57:00.000+10:00

i just heard this comment today.
"In life, we must try everything to see what it feels like."
this sentence can be held true and false in many many cases....but in this case it was related to trying cigarettes, certain more common drugs etc.
when i heard it, i got so turned off. my mind is straight away "WTF??"
but then, how do you try to convince someone out of it?
"try once only, just wanna try!...it won't kill you. it's not like i'd get addicted."
so what? so what? so what?
having studied science these years, it's hard to believe that after knowing all the facts, anyone would even want to fill their body with such filth. it's your body! respect the damn thing...it's you!!
think about the extent you will be true to the first statement. it's not applicable out of a certain un-settable limit, and is so unstable. will you try cutting yourself? will you try eating shit? will you? try only wat. won't die right? rite...............................................
anyway, enough said. my philosophy in the end is "let them learn by falling"....hopefully not too late by then.
as for me, the body is something very important. sacred and a creation of God. Imagine you got a car. brand new. you treat it better than your wife right? well, my body is like my 'car' to drive in while in this mortal world. my soul, which is the essential 'me', is the driver! so that's why i love it. so you better love yours too.

Making sense of Disasters

2005-09-06T00:40:00.000+10:00

Why do disasters happen? in recent times, the cyclone Katrina has devastated New Orleans and caused the lives of so many people. But we can see examples of so many things happening in the last decade. For as long as i can remember, death and destruction has been everywhere. This ungodliness seem rampant.
For those who would not like to see this subject with a God-entity involved, ignore some of the things i say.
The questions that i think about is: Why does God allow disasters to happen? Are these people who die really deserving of death? What are the things we can take out of it?
I, personally, believe that everything that happens is in the hands of God, and that everything happens for a reason. One evident thing to come out of this disaster is that we can see the flaws of the system we have built this society upon. Policemen are authorised to open fire upon looters. Be mindful the circumstances in which these looting are done in. People have not been receiving aid. Many loot to feed their families. What are these Americans, so patriotic in the war against terrorists to protect the beautiful people of America, doing now shooting the civilians they sought to protect?
Why does God allow this to happen? i cannot answer that straight and fairly, because i am not one who has suffered the immense loss of loved ones and property. Therefore i cannot empathise. But sitting here, i think to myself how this seemingly horrific disaster can be viewed in a constructive manner. Natural disasters, to a certain extent, cannot be contained by human means currently. Therefore we can only be victims, and pick up the pieces after the storm has hit.
The lessons to be learnt are plenty. In times of test, true human nature is revealed. and we can see the distinction of a person who degrades to the animalistic self, versus a person who hold strong to his/her spiritual reality. After all, when all is peaceful and nice, everyone can be nice. Only when disaster strikes, then are we able to distinguish the noble and the abased.
Detachment from materialism is taught the hard way. In these circumstances, no matter if you have had a lovely mansion or if you live on the streets, right now everybody needs aid. Needs shelter, needs water. Material possession is only transient, and does not carry authority. Is a person with a larger bank account less likely to die than the beggar on the streets when all is lost? In essence every human being is the same, through and through. Equal in the eyes of God. That which is not maintained by material means, however, shines and lives. Love, compassion, selflessness, these are qualities that the true heroes possess. Such are the things, things that cannot be quantified by material means, that count. And they are also celebrated in times of need. Has anyone praised you for giving up your seat for another? or stopping to pick up litter? it's stupid, it's a waste of time. That is normal society for you. And no-one will feel it's wrong. Truly, in the state of complacency that we are in now, it takes a disaster to awaken us from our dross of self-indulgence.
Why is it that in the state of progress that we are having in the sciences and technology and lifestyle, we are faced also with the seemingly emminent destruction of our society? My thoughts turn to the Bible "Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."
(King James Bible, John) and it is explained by the next phrase where Christ said "That which is born of flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is Spirit". The true meaning of the purpose and reality of life lies here.

there is more to say, but my brain is switching off. it's time to hear from you.

A Welcome note!

2005-09-05T23:59:00.000+10:00

This blog is the brain-child of my intention to create a space where friends can come and discuss issues that don't usually come up in normal daily interactions, but still hold an important place in our hearts or our inquistive minds. So let's get to it!
Before saying anything, i should add that everyone should try to practise some basic courtesy and respect for the opinion of all people appearing in this blog.
The style will be me writing a commentary, or put up some questions, and ppl commenting on it with their thoughts. let there be no flaming. feel free to put up quotes or even pics to illustrate your meaning (if that is possible...i dunno)...
Love to hear from all your thoughts.....now you can proceed to pick the brains of others under aseptic conditions. ;)