a friend is here. I'm looking at her. At her life.
Her eyes and mine see the same things around. The same people, the same objects.
Yet in words she speaks of this fast whirling days of her life.
While i sit there in permanent reminiscing mode.
That's just her. And that's just me.
Wonder if it's good.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Twiggyhola and the adventures of Tan and Tan.
Why have enemies when you got family friends like that? I present to you, Szela. She' prettier than the pictures i will show you. But too bad. heh lalalallala.
Yeah you sure as hell scared the beejeezes out of me and gave me nightmares.
Darlie advertisment.
More retardedness.Lazy to post anymore. Next post will feature Twiggyhola/Potsypoot's pretty house. Meanwhile read her blog potsypoot
My birthday post!
Aloha peeps! sorry to keep you waiting. And all that emo crap previously, although the muar chinese is DAAAAA best hehehe sorry to you bananas maybe i'll find a funny english thing to put up....
ANYtheway, lots of stuff to blog about! we start with my belated blog post of my many belated birthday celebrations!
First Up, BREAKKY SURPRISE! 2nd time in a row (yes i'm blur.)
Sleeping pose (except su lynn) Can't expect us not to! $%#!& early.
Dinner at Plume, Doncaster Pav licked me. At 8 am when i just went to bed at 5am. I woke up blur, looked up and wondered why there's a silent buzz out at my door. The surprise was crazy, all i could say was "holy shit!" and turned away... then i tried to stare hard without glasses to see how many ppl, and there's like massive loads of ppl, some can't even get through the door to take a peek at my embarrassed face! Later when i got up, some ppl still weren't into the excitement... it was like "this corridor is jammed, move it sucker!...oh hi joon." Meticulously (i assume) planned by some mastermind(s), Jel the master mastermind, evilest of of all evil, to join gracey under the evil empire of evilness. Did i mention i love her? to bits? And the lovely peeps of Daph and Di, earliest to awake and cook some lovely pancakes! Jules, arriving early and discovering that Flare ain't too punctual....aiyo these Malaysians/Singaporeans sheesh :P And bringng those muffins. Su Lynn who took a taxi two blocks down, and made nice jelly yumyums kept me belly happy at late hours. Shar and Vinh and the heroic kitchen adventure, turning out lovely scrambles and frieds for us hungry monsters. Shar, especially, for her smile that was kinda magical, in that whole sea of "i'm tired." Yay and hoorah for morning people! Ning, who slept at what 8 pm?! and didn't look a least bit tired! An excited Ning, something i enjoy seeing. Ness and her porridge, serious yumyums. Jo, Am, Kel, simply for waking up after nights of little sleep and/or hangovers and whatnots. Love you, my lil grattan st family. To Caleb and Ian, who greeted me in a most brotherly love fashion :P To Leelee, my dear junior, alway
s there, always happy. Suz, the bundle of smiles. To Bud and Xiaoyun, who had to prepare stuff to eat after tiring pracs hurriedly, and came back and had to listen to me talk and talk. To Junni, whom i'm sure was not there just bcos her cousin was. And last but not least to Rani, grandmaster sexxy. Who, with Evilest of all Evil, baked me a THREE-TIER PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE AND BANANA CAKE. all my favs, soooo thoughtful! esp Jel knows intimately about my banana obsession.... yes it's a little hard, just like me.
s there, always happy. Suz, the bundle of smiles. To Bud and Xiaoyun, who had to prepare stuff to eat after tiring pracs hurriedly, and came back and had to listen to me talk and talk. To Junni, whom i'm sure was not there just bcos her cousin was. And last but not least to Rani, grandmaster sexxy. Who, with Evilest of all Evil, baked me a THREE-TIER PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE AND BANANA CAKE. all my favs, soooo thoughtful! esp Jel knows intimately about my banana obsession.... yes it's a little hard, just like me. Special mention to Sher who i'm sure would have been first through the door if she could. and to mandi who couldn't make it. And to Lee-ean who made it to the dinner afters only. She also wrote me a poem hehe.
Off to Plume, by request cos i wanted a chinese restaurant.Ferried by Jazz club, in Ian's emo-car-of-the-decade. From which developed the running joke "Can i dip my YouTiao into your DouJiang?" :P Shan't comment on the bad things, but one waitress was really cute with her words. kinda sharp, like junni, but i like. Jel says "why do u always have to flirt with the waitress on your birthday dinner?" Maybe it's just me. :P
So anyway, presents! The gang got me this suit and pants from Myer. It's children's size ): but oh wells, that's what I am in Australia. and a nice shirt of light cyan. Also they got me a BUGE card, with pics and wrapped in colored foil, and with cut-out dolphins bearing all the messages from ppl, and the dolphins arranged to say happy 22nd Bday! Again, all my favs.
Me in my Bday Suit.
The dolphin card!
The back of the dolphin card
And that's flare for you, peeps. Always exciting. But that was not the end of it, more surprises recently?!?! But it's like playing cheat lar! it's too belated to not be surprised? lol. okok i risk sounding grumpy and unappreciative. So here's to the next double surprise.
Dinner at Tomodachi was set, even though Mou was sounding retarded when he told me that sher's bday thingy is being called off, but we still gonna have dinner....i was like "screw that, we still gonna get a cake!" I guess he couldn't tell me why. lol. So me and siaowen dandily went to buy a big mud cake for her, which was quite nice actually... but anyway the guys got me a cake too! i think it must be funniest for the waitress to receive two cakes before dinner...they'd be like "which one goes first? who's bday ISSIT?" lol. Guess what, my bday cake featured a bday song-whistling candle! omg wth how did u guys find shit like that? damn farni lar. I got the strawberry gateau cake yumyums ultimate.
Beauty and the Beast. In a nice shirt ;p
The present was the best. Sher thanks so much, it's something I have wanted. Not wanted, but really liked to have :D Plus it's my type of watch, my style. Fossil. Big thanks to everyone who chipped in for it. To Sher, for everything. To Jo, who went with sher. Mou, the 43 i can't live without. And thanks for the 2.5 message on the card. Let's keep the stupid-card-trend up :P Siaowen, who is too good at keeping her mouth zip at times, and too good the other way. To the rest, Eugene, Runxuan, Eric.
The point of this picture is the watch. really. serious! fine laugh at me.
Final Emo Note for everybody: Thanks. Means alot to me. everything. Somehow used to think I don't really have my fav this and that, but you guys manage to squeeze things I like out for me to see. That ain't voodoo, but it definitely is magical friendship. R-E-S-T-E-C-P.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Muar Chinese Heng Gou Li
Da most entertaining thing i've seen in a long time. I'm gonna learn this rap baby!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
No Frills, No Thrills, Just Me.
Most people will know i'm a straight guy. Yeah in all aspects. (dumbass..) So as a straight guy, i'm gonna say this....
I like honesty. Both from myself and from others. Don't get me wrong, i believe in diplomacy too. But truth matters more than anything. Truth with a bit of tact.
I want you to come talk to me. I want/need to hear it from you. Don't worry too much. I won't eat you. Like you said, monsters eat people. And you ain't one. Well, neither am I.
In other news, I'm already feeling negative vibes rippling through our community. Thank God for the positives, but nevertheless, let's hear some deep bottom-of-the-heart honesty. You know I love you and will support you, but you have to come clean. With yourself first, then with the ones that matter. There is no room for disunity in our family. Ohana. Means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.
And in more news, self-pity is worthless. Okay fine, i'm guilty of a little of that now...but i'm certain it will fade. In fact i'm actively banishing it to the fiery hells. You should too. You have my shoulders (not my back tho...oops.) to lean on. To cry on. To climb on. As I will have yours.
I love you all. I can't dance with you no more. But I will walk with you. I will talk to you. And if you let me, I will hold your hand.
I like honesty. Both from myself and from others. Don't get me wrong, i believe in diplomacy too. But truth matters more than anything. Truth with a bit of tact.
I want you to come talk to me. I want/need to hear it from you. Don't worry too much. I won't eat you. Like you said, monsters eat people. And you ain't one. Well, neither am I.
In other news, I'm already feeling negative vibes rippling through our community. Thank God for the positives, but nevertheless, let's hear some deep bottom-of-the-heart honesty. You know I love you and will support you, but you have to come clean. With yourself first, then with the ones that matter. There is no room for disunity in our family. Ohana. Means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.
And in more news, self-pity is worthless. Okay fine, i'm guilty of a little of that now...but i'm certain it will fade. In fact i'm actively banishing it to the fiery hells. You should too. You have my shoulders (not my back tho...oops.) to lean on. To cry on. To climb on. As I will have yours.
I love you all. I can't dance with you no more. But I will walk with you. I will talk to you. And if you let me, I will hold your hand.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Pouring, drenching, dancing, playing.
They say when it rains, it pours. Truth could not come closer to this superstition, as I’m taught over and over again in life.
Take an example, my heartland Johor Bahru, of which I’m apparently a grandmaster and protector of that sacred ground (cite iwannabefamous). When it rained, somehow it didn’t stop. And after 3 days of non-stop raining, many wondered if the sky has fallen. Certainly in a metaphorical sense, some people’s sky did fell. Reality came in waves, sweeping bustling towns and rural villages alike, as if blind to the rules of the caste system. Johor Bahru has not seen worst floods than this. This is the real thing. Natural disasters are finally arriving at beloved JB to wreck our lives as it has in our neighbours Kuching, Indonesia, Taiwan and Australia.
As with my heartland, my heart itself is climbing those cliffs of test. My worries, whether pressing or mediocre, flood me. Somehow in this whole turbulence, I’ve become all shook up. I procrastinate tasks to desperately try to find my identity. I’ve not lost it completely, but it is just hard to find among all the luggages and pills and the blur of the unknown. Maybe it is this ‘unknowing’, of my body, of my life in the near future, of my career and of matters of the heart that trouble me the most. Complicating these are some side worries for people I care about. And in the heat of all problems, I feel helpless. Since the first troubles, it has not gotten easier. Or luckier. “Once you’re rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up.” True, yet I’ve not hit rock bottom and I have no desire to return to that hole once again.
And when I needed it most, I fail myself. Maybe I have relied too much on these emotional releases, dancing and basketball. Most cruel and painful are these losses. But not the be-all and end-all. But terribly lamentable.
Just as with natural disasters, I seek answers to my confused, confuzzled self. The biggest question: “Why?” hangs there like a carrot on a stick. I seek comfort in knowing, and hopefully in understanding. Maybe it started when I stopped talking with God. Maybe these are tests meant to set me on the right path for good, while I still have not much to lose. I can nod my head to this. I’m young; my bones may yet grow. I’m freshly graduated; my chances may yet manifest. I am loved; my friends may not yet abandon me. I’m patient; it may yet pay off. Plus I still can Wii. Just like victims of the uncontrollable, I kneel here and look upwards. And I close my eyes. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I will do you proud.
And then I play in the rain.
Take an example, my heartland Johor Bahru, of which I’m apparently a grandmaster and protector of that sacred ground (cite iwannabefamous). When it rained, somehow it didn’t stop. And after 3 days of non-stop raining, many wondered if the sky has fallen. Certainly in a metaphorical sense, some people’s sky did fell. Reality came in waves, sweeping bustling towns and rural villages alike, as if blind to the rules of the caste system. Johor Bahru has not seen worst floods than this. This is the real thing. Natural disasters are finally arriving at beloved JB to wreck our lives as it has in our neighbours Kuching, Indonesia, Taiwan and Australia.
As with my heartland, my heart itself is climbing those cliffs of test. My worries, whether pressing or mediocre, flood me. Somehow in this whole turbulence, I’ve become all shook up. I procrastinate tasks to desperately try to find my identity. I’ve not lost it completely, but it is just hard to find among all the luggages and pills and the blur of the unknown. Maybe it is this ‘unknowing’, of my body, of my life in the near future, of my career and of matters of the heart that trouble me the most. Complicating these are some side worries for people I care about. And in the heat of all problems, I feel helpless. Since the first troubles, it has not gotten easier. Or luckier. “Once you’re rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up.” True, yet I’ve not hit rock bottom and I have no desire to return to that hole once again.
And when I needed it most, I fail myself. Maybe I have relied too much on these emotional releases, dancing and basketball. Most cruel and painful are these losses. But not the be-all and end-all. But terribly lamentable.
Just as with natural disasters, I seek answers to my confused, confuzzled self. The biggest question: “Why?” hangs there like a carrot on a stick. I seek comfort in knowing, and hopefully in understanding. Maybe it started when I stopped talking with God. Maybe these are tests meant to set me on the right path for good, while I still have not much to lose. I can nod my head to this. I’m young; my bones may yet grow. I’m freshly graduated; my chances may yet manifest. I am loved; my friends may not yet abandon me. I’m patient; it may yet pay off. Plus I still can Wii. Just like victims of the uncontrollable, I kneel here and look upwards. And I close my eyes. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I will do you proud.
And then I play in the rain.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
I think i think
I think i think too much. But i still think i use my brain too little.
anyway, the bottom line is: some one get me a new laptop. pretty please. with cherries and cream on top.
will blog with less laziness next time :P
anyway, the bottom line is: some one get me a new laptop. pretty please. with cherries and cream on top.
will blog with less laziness next time :P
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Le Tour de Maison (House Tour)
Bonjour! Vel-com, merci, me no speaking englais vell.
Dis iz my Maison. Veli short tour. But tres mignon (very cute)!!!
Uno. Zi paintings de mon mere (my mom's paintings)....
She's only taken her chinese paintings seriously in the last couple of years. From simplicity to nature, her style though limited, has excelled. Although not apparent, when viewed in real-life, the paranoma created by long paintings depict liveliness and depth. Plus her animals are always in motion. Proud-of-her level 8.5! Will capture some of her first love if possible: Ikebana. But dad is just cute/funny, suddenly all her paintings are hung up. Really, it was an overnight job. He made mom dig out past paintings kept in the closet to frame and display. Deux. Random things.
The big grandfather clock in my house. I have no idea. But i gives a gentle dong every hour. So at least it's not the irritating cuckoos. lolz. so i guess it ain't bad. best part, its put right under the wall clock. lololololz. talk about white elephants. But this is a pretty one. heez *grinz*
Le Porche. Nope not the car. The real car porch. Decorated in the corner with a garden sitting set, indo bamboo with marble top, just like old kopitiam times. The last set was carried off in the middle of the night, so dad got new ones. haha. behind is a rocking chair, which was mistakenly painted blood red by me once... good thing it wasn't burnt by some superstitious freak. oh, and it has the view of our sweet garden, with overhanging pots and a mini pond (not like jojo's >.<) Best enjoyed when it's pouring, you can sit here, listen to the water falling and thunder roaring. Sip your hot kopi ahhhhhhh.......
De Dining table. Fishy! literally. indonesian hard-carved hard mahogany. kinda bulky but pretty and actually nice to sit at and to have guests over for dinner. yumyums!The view looking out of my house. Dad loves trees. so much he planted four in the house. This is the biggest one. One's already chopped cos it was about to turn my frontyard into Jumanji. Anyway this little hill brings fond memories. And if you look at the bottom of the pic u can see my house has two gates. Talk about redundant.
Trios. My room
Ok la end of sad and boring tour. Another episode of boring stuff awaits! don't fall off the edge of your seat just yet..... (drumroll, applause)
Cute thing.
S&P, sitting in a shelf
H-U-G-G-I-N-G
(hmm. i can't rhyme.)
anyways, omg found this in my house. Salt comes out of one's eyes, and pepper comes out of the other's eyes and nose. LOL. there is alot of random stuff in my house. Will search them out next episode!
Trios. My room
Ok i'm lazy with the stoopid french accent already, as you can tell. This is my room, which somehow turned into a nice display unit of my house. All nicely decorated, much better than ikea i tell you, courtesy of me bro.
Ok la end of sad and boring tour. Another episode of boring stuff awaits! don't fall off the edge of your seat just yet..... (drumroll, applause)
:D
happy holidays and happy work peeps.
miss all.
xoxo
Monday, December 11, 2006
That little feeling today
Today i felt odd. I slept too much. I was late. I was proven wrong. I faked a face. I ate alot of KFC. I met an old friend. I felt slightly uncomfortable with another. I cringed at my wound. I spoke to dad. I confessed stupidity. And right now, I feel like I am slowly not knowing my friends. With that follows not knowing myself.
Just for a while, i wish to not think.
But just for a while.
Just for a while, i wish to not think.
But just for a while.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Accidental Date
it is funny. yes, ha-ha funny, not weirdo funny. LOL janice and me... can't believe it completely slipped my mind to call up all the biomed buddies for dinner. She put make-up and dressed up lor! omg. i'm a bitch. but anyhow ended up just the two of us. And it reminded me of the times we spent together honours-hunting at the end of third year. She is someone who remembers me and appreciates me as a friend, and will probably try to find me if i ever go back to malaysia...
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Lady, where's my Tosai?
Heard this story from a fren, about indians on a Sg-Melb flight, asking for tosai and Miraaanda on a SQ flight.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Ode to Derrick
All day on wednesday and thursday, Derrick lamented, "In these 2 years, we've carried out so many surprises, yet i have not yet received one :( " and "Wow, grace got a video thingy. It's so nice to get a video thingy"
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
The Boys. L to R: Aaron, Bud, Derrick, Joon, Kel, Rani. Absent: Vinh
The Ladies. L to R: front, Ness, Am, Shar, Derrick, Sher, Ning, back, Roz, Jojo, Junni, XY. Absent: Vee, Jules
Cherry Tree! Mass-clumping of human body parts.
Cherry Tree part 2!
Byebye to the corniest roommate of the year.
A short note of existence
Funny that i'm "free as a bird", i find myself occuppying all my time again. One word to describe my holiday: tight.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
The psychology of our daily lives
Words can be just words. But if the pen is mightier than the sword, then words definitely can be equally murderous.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Friday, October 06, 2006
A long time coming.
Looking back in a turbulent and ever-changing year of my life, i've come to embrace many facades of myself, both good and bad. And i've come to terms with things that go on around me in my life, whereas in the past i am just oblivious to it.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Story of a girl
Relationships are bizarre.
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Snapshot of my life last week
Last week, Miss Uni Gig happened. Yeah i didn't really know what happened in that week, it just whizzed me by. All i remember is long tiring pracs and alot of "cream of the crop" women. zzz.
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Monday, September 04, 2006
My second new year resolution
Spring is the new year. So i don't care and i shall make new resolutions and change the ones i don't like (aka i can't achieve ;p).
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)