Some point in our time, we experience crisis. There's puberty and mid-life. And then there's now. Right now. Out of school, almost out of school, and almost broke. We all fall under one or more. And me? I'm falling, period.
Talking with me mumma (same conversation that night) i told her how most people in Australia that i know are with rich parents, sending their kids overseas for an overpriced albeit prestigious Uni Melb Degree. I told her i was a spoilt kid, and i didn't want my kids to be like that. I told her i'd settle being middle class. i'd drive a toyota instead of a Mercs, eat Streets instead of Haagen Daz (unless my wife insist ;p...which i'm sure she will...i'll marry one that will) and not live in an oversized mansion. And i'll have a stable employee job, and i'll have family time. Perfect. My mom just shook her head. I was so proud of myself that night. I was noblely giving up the riches, and valuing family. To amount to what? Hypocrisy one night later.
Having a bud with me budds (lame, plus i didn't drink) i was sipping my lemon tea and talking about the future. How to earn money? My fren brought up his entrepreneur ideas about a restaurant with it's focus on being an "experience". Holistic, original and great. Now where to get the capital? I thought for a while. Bringing up my readings on "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", i tried to mask my biomedical science commerce-bonehead ignorance and discussed investment. Which eventually made me think of all the riches i could possibly make and i smiled. A real, huge, self-satisfying, greedy grin. And i still wonder why.
Maybe it's cos i'm that spoilt brat i say i am. no-one has ever called me spoilt. but still, how do you ask a person who's lived a life of "yao qian, shen shou, yao chi, kai kou" (in mandarin, means Want money? reach out your hand. Want to eat? open your mouth. ) to bow down into a life of to-do's and get-along's? It's not easy, and maybe that's why money IS important, whether we like it or not. Maybe it's not about greed, but rather, it's really survival. Earning to support our lifestyle, our entertainment, our so-called "life".
There is definitely more to this. I've seen so many people on the streets in malaysia, with low wages, some really small job with no future in the night market, and they have family. They have kids. How? How do you live on a $10 daily budget and still get by? it is inconceivable to my very comfortable life. Yet people do it.
I want to help people. And i realized i cannot wait to be rich to do that. Cos once i'm rich, i will be selfish. Maybe this is why sacrifice is needed. Your own life, not for the better lives of others, (we can't do that much) but for better days of others. And that is enough to make a difference.
p.s. peeps in melb, dun be offended. I don't work, so i don't earn my keep like i should. You guys do, you rock! And if you don't, you can empathise with me ;p
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Life is for living, we all know.
I realize that posting lyrics on your blog ain't too smart, considering most people actually don't bother to read all the small and wordy stuff.
However, i just did. look below. and i hope you read it.
Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.
But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.
As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.
But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.
-Coldplay, Life is for Living
The last line echoes in my head. Over and over. Having this talks with your mom in the night is spiritually and emotionally challenging. All at once my values i cherish dearly are challenged. And i can't say things to hurt my mom. Not when she only sees me once a year, one week every 52. Yet i still do, subtley. When i question her teaching methods. When i wonder aloud what happened to me when i was a kid. When i get talking about me staying in australia the next 5 years. And still, it fustrates me when she question and object , at the same time (women can really multitask, eh?), the way i handle my friends, and the decisions i make about myself in australia. And we get talking about my future. And how i will find her a really good daughter-in-law. And she will poke fun at it. She's funny when she finally decides to cut me a little slack. Which will remind me of the women i'm missing in my life. My mom and my sister. And my ex, who would be that mother figure i depended on for a year. And the lost of all that in my uni years. How i shyed away from forming close lady friends. How i started to not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. How i couldn't deal with all the silent moments where i ran out of things to say.
And the worst of it all, to come down and deal with the disappointment i so readily handed out to my friends. Gaining trust all over again, listening, shutting up, paying attention, getting a grip, thinking before speaking, being more sensitive, being less sensitive, hurting, hurting, hurting. Never knew a human being could rain like a 'water tap'.
And to bounce back, to have the strength to forget, forgive, move on. I could have never done without you peeps standing by me.
And i will walk this song. this song of life.
For songs are made for singing. And life is made for living.
p.s. this is the most romantic apology i've come across. Good idea to learn it now, buy a guitar, and use it I.C.S.H. (In Case Shit Happens). ;)
However, i just did. look below. and i hope you read it.
Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.
But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.
As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.
But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.
-Coldplay, Life is for Living
The last line echoes in my head. Over and over. Having this talks with your mom in the night is spiritually and emotionally challenging. All at once my values i cherish dearly are challenged. And i can't say things to hurt my mom. Not when she only sees me once a year, one week every 52. Yet i still do, subtley. When i question her teaching methods. When i wonder aloud what happened to me when i was a kid. When i get talking about me staying in australia the next 5 years. And still, it fustrates me when she question and object , at the same time (women can really multitask, eh?), the way i handle my friends, and the decisions i make about myself in australia. And we get talking about my future. And how i will find her a really good daughter-in-law. And she will poke fun at it. She's funny when she finally decides to cut me a little slack. Which will remind me of the women i'm missing in my life. My mom and my sister. And my ex, who would be that mother figure i depended on for a year. And the lost of all that in my uni years. How i shyed away from forming close lady friends. How i started to not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. How i couldn't deal with all the silent moments where i ran out of things to say.
And the worst of it all, to come down and deal with the disappointment i so readily handed out to my friends. Gaining trust all over again, listening, shutting up, paying attention, getting a grip, thinking before speaking, being more sensitive, being less sensitive, hurting, hurting, hurting. Never knew a human being could rain like a 'water tap'.
And to bounce back, to have the strength to forget, forgive, move on. I could have never done without you peeps standing by me.
And i will walk this song. this song of life.
For songs are made for singing. And life is made for living.
p.s. this is the most romantic apology i've come across. Good idea to learn it now, buy a guitar, and use it I.C.S.H. (In Case Shit Happens). ;)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Expressions of Love
"You'd think that people would have had enough of
silly love songs.
But I look around me
and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that ?
I'd like to know '
cause here I go
again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I loveyou."
-Wings, Silly Love Songs
And really, what IS wrong with that? Born with a dick, people like to think that it is un-seemly to express myself in love. After losing chances to show my love for people i truly care about, i have felt the urgency of every loved one to be bathed in my love all the time. And that was what i set out to do.
But it seems that things are not going well. i may be doing it wrong in a few ways,
a) i come onto people as being gay. Well, i'm sure MANY peeeps will agree that ain't something new. But men can show love to one another outwardly, can't they? With my guy friends, i always have to settle for assuming their actions, their attitudes, and the things they say, the time they spend with you, to feel the love. I guess i'm a person with that great need to feel love. throw a little insecurity and you've probably figured me out.
b) i'm oversensitive. Maybe i don't feel the love because i take them too seriously. Most times, contrary to popular belief, Guys just wanna have fun (to those wols peeps, the song 'girls just wanna have fun' is being satired). This one is a tough one for me. Maybe i changed to trying to take them seriously because i wanted to be taken seriously. maybe i should learn a tad or two about timing, or rather, good timing.
c) Love just isn't about outward expression. I am aware now that people can regard an outward expression of love to be superficial, almost routine. refering to the aussie culture, where touch is a common aspect of their social behaviour. A hug can mean lots, and it can, at the same time, mean absolutely chicken shit. Of course, i ain't no Oz, so if you get a hug from me, i'm for real, baby! and Kel, i know you're for real too....Keep it real ma nigga. Perhaps, as i always preach but forget to do myself, it is deeds, not words, that are our adorning. And above all, the thought and intention and effort that counts.
d) Love must come from the heart. Sincerity, maybe, is the point of issue here. That, i must say, can only be judged by the receiver, and it is for me only to remain true to my heart and be sincere.
My goal is to become a person that is absolutely un-superficial with feelings. And when it comes down to taking a left-down-hatred-lane or right-up-where-it-feels-good-lane, i'd absolutely be obeying the "no left turn" road sign. Cheers to building true friendships!
two words: Keep it Real. shut up, 'it' aint a real word, it stands for.........
silly love songs.
But I look around me
and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that ?
I'd like to know '
cause here I go
again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I loveyou."
-Wings, Silly Love Songs
And really, what IS wrong with that? Born with a dick, people like to think that it is un-seemly to express myself in love. After losing chances to show my love for people i truly care about, i have felt the urgency of every loved one to be bathed in my love all the time. And that was what i set out to do.
But it seems that things are not going well. i may be doing it wrong in a few ways,
a) i come onto people as being gay. Well, i'm sure MANY peeeps will agree that ain't something new. But men can show love to one another outwardly, can't they? With my guy friends, i always have to settle for assuming their actions, their attitudes, and the things they say, the time they spend with you, to feel the love. I guess i'm a person with that great need to feel love. throw a little insecurity and you've probably figured me out.
b) i'm oversensitive. Maybe i don't feel the love because i take them too seriously. Most times, contrary to popular belief, Guys just wanna have fun (to those wols peeps, the song 'girls just wanna have fun' is being satired). This one is a tough one for me. Maybe i changed to trying to take them seriously because i wanted to be taken seriously. maybe i should learn a tad or two about timing, or rather, good timing.
c) Love just isn't about outward expression. I am aware now that people can regard an outward expression of love to be superficial, almost routine. refering to the aussie culture, where touch is a common aspect of their social behaviour. A hug can mean lots, and it can, at the same time, mean absolutely chicken shit. Of course, i ain't no Oz, so if you get a hug from me, i'm for real, baby! and Kel, i know you're for real too....Keep it real ma nigga. Perhaps, as i always preach but forget to do myself, it is deeds, not words, that are our adorning. And above all, the thought and intention and effort that counts.
d) Love must come from the heart. Sincerity, maybe, is the point of issue here. That, i must say, can only be judged by the receiver, and it is for me only to remain true to my heart and be sincere.
My goal is to become a person that is absolutely un-superficial with feelings. And when it comes down to taking a left-down-hatred-lane or right-up-where-it-feels-good-lane, i'd absolutely be obeying the "no left turn" road sign. Cheers to building true friendships!
two words: Keep it Real. shut up, 'it' aint a real word, it stands for.........
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Summer Breeze!
Finally i'm back here blogging. although this time it's just pictures! i guess i can't wait to show all you peeps our crazy times in Queensland and Sydney, where we flew up to Cairns and drove down back to Melbourne. Most of the 2 week trip was spent on the coast of Queensland, the Sunshine State! hehehee and check out my fav pics, those with Jump for Joy! (remember Russell Peters??)
anyway, i'd probably be back blogging in a while. unless my keyboard dies on me again zzz.
peace out and stay healthy!
i do, and i will, miss all you peeps out there. love!
Joon Win
anyway, i'd probably be back blogging in a while. unless my keyboard dies on me again zzz.
peace out and stay healthy!
i do, and i will, miss all you peeps out there. love!
Joon Win
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