The psychology of our daily lives

Words can be just words. But if the pen is mightier than the sword, then words definitely can be equally murderous.

Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.

I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.

It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.

And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.

I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.

But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.

I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.

A long time coming.

Looking back in a turbulent and ever-changing year of my life, i've come to embrace many facades of myself, both good and bad. And i've come to terms with things that go on around me in my life, whereas in the past i am just oblivious to it.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.

Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.

And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.

Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.

I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.

note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.