A short note of existence

Funny that i'm "free as a bird", i find myself occuppying all my time again. One word to describe my holiday: tight.

Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.

Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.

People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.

While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.