ssw is happy

a friend is here. I'm looking at her. At her life.
Her eyes and mine see the same things around. The same people, the same objects.
Yet in words she speaks of this fast whirling days of her life.
While i sit there in permanent reminiscing mode.
That's just her. And that's just me.
Wonder if it's good.

Twiggyhola and the adventures of Tan and Tan.

Why have enemies when you got family friends like that? I present to you, Szela. She' prettier than the pictures i will show you. But too bad. heh lalalallala.

Yeah you sure as hell scared the beejeezes out of me and gave me nightmares.

Darlie advertisment.

More retardedness.

Lazy to post anymore. Next post will feature Twiggyhola/Potsypoot's pretty house. Meanwhile read her blog potsypoot

My birthday post!

Aloha peeps! sorry to keep you waiting. And all that emo crap previously, although the muar chinese is DAAAAA best hehehe sorry to you bananas maybe i'll find a funny english thing to put up....

ANYtheway, lots of stuff to blog about! we start with my belated blog post of my many belated birthday celebrations!

First Up, BREAKKY SURPRISE! 2nd time in a row (yes i'm blur.)

The whole surprise gang! 4-5 times more than last year's.

Sleeping pose (except su lynn) Can't expect us not to! $%#!& early.


Dinner at Plume, Doncaster

Pav licked me. At 8 am when i just went to bed at 5am. I woke up blur, looked up and wondered why there's a silent buzz out at my door. The surprise was crazy, all i could say was "holy shit!" and turned away... then i tried to stare hard without glasses to see how many ppl, and there's like massive loads of ppl, some can't even get through the door to take a peek at my embarrassed face! Later when i got up, some ppl still weren't into the excitement... it was like "this corridor is jammed, move it sucker!...oh hi joon." Meticulously (i assume) planned by some mastermind(s), Jel the master mastermind, evilest of of all evil, to join gracey under the evil empire of evilness. Did i mention i love her? to bits? And the lovely peeps of Daph and Di, earliest to awake and cook some lovely pancakes! Jules, arriving early and discovering that Flare ain't too punctual....aiyo these Malaysians/Singaporeans sheesh :P And bringng those muffins. Su Lynn who took a taxi two blocks down, and made nice jelly yumyums kept me belly happy at late hours. Shar and Vinh and the heroic kitchen adventure, turning out lovely scrambles and frieds for us hungry monsters. Shar, especially, for her smile that was kinda magical, in that whole sea of "i'm tired." Yay and hoorah for morning people! Ning, who slept at what 8 pm?! and didn't look a least bit tired! An excited Ning, something i enjoy seeing. Ness and her porridge, serious yumyums. Jo, Am, Kel, simply for waking up after nights of little sleep and/or hangovers and whatnots. Love you, my lil grattan st family. To Caleb and Ian, who greeted me in a most brotherly love fashion :P To Leelee, my dear junior, always there, always happy. Suz, the bundle of smiles. To Bud and Xiaoyun, who had to prepare stuff to eat after tiring pracs hurriedly, and came back and had to listen to me talk and talk. To Junni, whom i'm sure was not there just bcos her cousin was. And last but not least to Rani, grandmaster sexxy. Who, with Evilest of all Evil, baked me a THREE-TIER PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE AND BANANA CAKE. all my favs, soooo thoughtful! esp Jel knows intimately about my banana obsession.... yes it's a little hard, just like me.

Special mention to Sher who i'm sure would have been first through the door if she could. and to mandi who couldn't make it. And to Lee-ean who made it to the dinner afters only. She also wrote me a poem hehe.

Off to Plume, by request cos i wanted a chinese restaurant.Ferried by Jazz club, in Ian's emo-car-of-the-decade. From which developed the running joke "Can i dip my YouTiao into your DouJiang?" :P Shan't comment on the bad things, but one waitress was really cute with her words. kinda sharp, like junni, but i like. Jel says "why do u always have to flirt with the waitress on your birthday dinner?" Maybe it's just me. :P

So anyway, presents! The gang got me this suit and pants from Myer. It's children's size ): but oh wells, that's what I am in Australia. and a nice shirt of light cyan. Also they got me a BUGE card, with pics and wrapped in colored foil, and with cut-out dolphins bearing all the messages from ppl, and the dolphins arranged to say happy 22nd Bday! Again, all my favs.

Me in my Bday Suit.

The dolphin card!

The back of the dolphin card

And that's flare for you, peeps. Always exciting. But that was not the end of it, more surprises recently?!?! But it's like playing cheat lar! it's too belated to not be surprised? lol. okok i risk sounding grumpy and unappreciative. So here's to the next double surprise.

Dinner at Tomodachi was set, even though Mou was sounding retarded when he told me that sher's bday thingy is being called off, but we still gonna have dinner....i was like "screw that, we still gonna get a cake!" I guess he couldn't tell me why. lol. So me and siaowen dandily went to buy a big mud cake for her, which was quite nice actually... but anyway the guys got me a cake too! i think it must be funniest for the waitress to receive two cakes before dinner...they'd be like "which one goes first? who's bday ISSIT?" lol. Guess what, my bday cake featured a bday song-whistling candle! omg wth how did u guys find shit like that? damn farni lar. I got the strawberry gateau cake yumyums ultimate.

Beauty and the Beast. In a nice shirt ;p

The present was the best. Sher thanks so much, it's something I have wanted. Not wanted, but really liked to have :D Plus it's my type of watch, my style. Fossil. Big thanks to everyone who chipped in for it. To Sher, for everything. To Jo, who went with sher. Mou, the 43 i can't live without. And thanks for the 2.5 message on the card. Let's keep the stupid-card-trend up :P Siaowen, who is too good at keeping her mouth zip at times, and too good the other way. To the rest, Eugene, Runxuan, Eric.

The point of this picture is the watch. really. serious! fine laugh at me.

Final Emo Note for everybody: Thanks. Means alot to me. everything. Somehow used to think I don't really have my fav this and that, but you guys manage to squeeze things I like out for me to see. That ain't voodoo, but it definitely is magical friendship. R-E-S-T-E-C-P.

Muar Chinese Heng Gou Li

Da most entertaining thing i've seen in a long time. I'm gonna learn this rap baby!

Fuck Me.

nuff said.

No Frills, No Thrills, Just Me.

Most people will know i'm a straight guy. Yeah in all aspects. (dumbass..) So as a straight guy, i'm gonna say this....

I like honesty. Both from myself and from others. Don't get me wrong, i believe in diplomacy too. But truth matters more than anything. Truth with a bit of tact.

I want you to come talk to me. I want/need to hear it from you. Don't worry too much. I won't eat you. Like you said, monsters eat people. And you ain't one. Well, neither am I.

In other news, I'm already feeling negative vibes rippling through our community. Thank God for the positives, but nevertheless, let's hear some deep bottom-of-the-heart honesty. You know I love you and will support you, but you have to come clean. With yourself first, then with the ones that matter. There is no room for disunity in our family. Ohana. Means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

And in more news, self-pity is worthless. Okay fine, i'm guilty of a little of that now...but i'm certain it will fade. In fact i'm actively banishing it to the fiery hells. You should too. You have my shoulders (not my back tho...oops.) to lean on. To cry on. To climb on. As I will have yours.

I love you all. I can't dance with you no more. But I will walk with you. I will talk to you. And if you let me, I will hold your hand.

Pouring, drenching, dancing, playing.

They say when it rains, it pours. Truth could not come closer to this superstition, as I’m taught over and over again in life.

Take an example, my heartland Johor Bahru, of which I’m apparently a grandmaster and protector of that sacred ground (cite iwannabefamous). When it rained, somehow it didn’t stop. And after 3 days of non-stop raining, many wondered if the sky has fallen. Certainly in a metaphorical sense, some people’s sky did fell. Reality came in waves, sweeping bustling towns and rural villages alike, as if blind to the rules of the caste system. Johor Bahru has not seen worst floods than this. This is the real thing. Natural disasters are finally arriving at beloved JB to wreck our lives as it has in our neighbours Kuching, Indonesia, Taiwan and Australia.

As with my heartland, my heart itself is climbing those cliffs of test. My worries, whether pressing or mediocre, flood me. Somehow in this whole turbulence, I’ve become all shook up. I procrastinate tasks to desperately try to find my identity. I’ve not lost it completely, but it is just hard to find among all the luggages and pills and the blur of the unknown. Maybe it is this ‘unknowing’, of my body, of my life in the near future, of my career and of matters of the heart that trouble me the most. Complicating these are some side worries for people I care about. And in the heat of all problems, I feel helpless. Since the first troubles, it has not gotten easier. Or luckier. “Once you’re rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up.” True, yet I’ve not hit rock bottom and I have no desire to return to that hole once again.

And when I needed it most, I fail myself. Maybe I have relied too much on these emotional releases, dancing and basketball. Most cruel and painful are these losses. But not the be-all and end-all. But terribly lamentable.

Just as with natural disasters, I seek answers to my confused, confuzzled self. The biggest question: “Why?” hangs there like a carrot on a stick. I seek comfort in knowing, and hopefully in understanding. Maybe it started when I stopped talking with God. Maybe these are tests meant to set me on the right path for good, while I still have not much to lose. I can nod my head to this. I’m young; my bones may yet grow. I’m freshly graduated; my chances may yet manifest. I am loved; my friends may not yet abandon me. I’m patient; it may yet pay off. Plus I still can Wii. Just like victims of the uncontrollable, I kneel here and look upwards. And I close my eyes. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I will do you proud.

And then I play in the rain.