This one is for you

pulling to alight
he blocks my view
her eyes
they remind of you.
a rattle of windows
like mini speed bumps
on the tracks.
I missed my stop.
You'd have woken me.

Morning no.4

Listening: Abba-Mamma mia
Reading: Heaven is a Playground

Okay... so here I am at my work desk, typing away @ $22 per hour. No wonder blogging is lucrative lol.

Ahhhh one post at a time to my ultimate blogging revival and i'm SOO unmotivated. Think my depressive mood must arise from a) DEAD PHONE, b) BORED/LAZY, c) MONDAY 1Dec.

Wonder if i should go for a 2-day course on Animal Surgery. Cost $385, sounds really professional and will be great on my resume, but is there a purpose? It's more or less like my backup of a backup of a backup career. Probably easier to start practising street sweeping. And cheaper too. hah.

Anyway, some breaking news: Got a bonded offer to do medicine in Flinders Uni, Adelaide. Will start in Feb 2009. Don't think i'm ready to leave. But it is a decision that can affect my career future. Deadline: 10th December.

Start of the busy weekend! with LAN party tonight haha and graduations plus shopping tomorrow, and lunch at Lynette's on Sunday. phew.

peace out.

Back from the Grave!

Hi,
i'm not pretending to discredit myself from shar's "abandoned aztec temples" list, but i guess there's no excuse to not blog.
SOO quick update before i try to updte regularly and not lose far-away friends!

from 2007, it's been a crazy year from the beginning and looking back, things have changed HEAPS but i'm happy with everything i've done so yea! Top of the hit list, participating in YAA www.yaa.org.au Biotech Entrepreneur Program, learning lots lots and making crazy mistakes all along the way, learning how to deal with groups, personality clashes, individuals, dreams larger than life, yet walking life daily step by step. And of course, the opportunity to know Ai-Leen :D:D:D:D

SOO here we are at 2008, same apartment (thank God!) but people around me moving, changing. People growing, people i wish would grow, people whom i need while growing. Yeah kinda vague but this is just a SUMMARY!
2008 also is the start of MMG, Melbourne Mastermind Group, of Vinh Kel Am Ai-Ai and me, learning all about financial intelligence and recognizing the beauty and strength in each other, and helping each other reach our goals and attain things important to us. Many people would give anything for this kind of support around them ,this one almost fell into our laps. very thankful for this and hope we succeed!
Mummyhugs, australia be prepared to be blasted away! yes i will try my best at what i do worst: sell. But once i slay my demons i'm ready for more.
Keeping my world together, in one piece. Not pleasing everyone has been a hard lesson and now to adjust back to pleasing people who deserve it. hard, i better get my ass to it. Lives are at stake, literally. (my own included of course)
By the way, if i sign onto 3, how many people will conspire to murder me?
Peace out
p.s. Kaba Modern.....dance, as we knew it, is dead. and born.

And another AFC moment!

At least i dare say i'm man enough to say this. That i'm just another freaking AFC plodding on down the street, shying away at once upon eye contact of another AFC on the street, like being ashamed of both yourself and for him.

I still can't decide if i like or hate this feeling : having so many thoughts that you actually don't know or remember the point of it anymore. Like Ross said ( to Phoebe), if you forget the reason, then you should just drop it right?

How-not-to-be-an-AFC should be taught to all boys in high school. Unless natural selection is your argument or you're a director hungry for a bullying-type plot.

either ways, i'm feeling fucked.

OverheARd

This got me almost bursting out in laughter and smiling like an idiot when i was walking out of Aldi.
Aldi shopper going to Aldi with Aldi-first timer. At the register, the aldi-first timer became confused. So the Aldi shopper said to his friend:

"I'll teach you, Safeway Chump, the way we do things around here."

ALDI rulez. Give us more discount, international-student haven!

I NEED A FASHION GURU

"The boys in jeans, snickers, nike t-shirts or collared unknowns, standard stuff. Then it's him, vith a semi-V neck black sweater, very casual, very cool. 3/4 jeans, showing his tanned and shapey calves, donning a pair of havanianas." Man. how do you NOT stand out like that? sex god...

ANyway, I need to get a) a better dress sense, b) a shopping buddy with a good dress sense, c) money.

HOW! maybe i can start with a haircut haha.

It's amazing how the clothes you put on can influence the attitudes of others towards you, and influence the way you carry yourself. And how so many first impressions stem from how you look/dress, and usually don't go very far from there....

I guess Neil Strauss is so right: To be able to show her your inner beauty, you have to attract her attention to you with outer beauty.

tragically true. Which is why i love those with x-ray vision. hehe.

Chinese Whispers, i'll steal your murmurs

There's a peephole. On one side it's you. And the other, i's LIFE. It's not possible to open the door and see the whole picture (kai1 men2 jian4 shan1)......But you can always look into the peephole and catch a glimpse.

Peepholes are small. Sometimes they distort the image. You have to focus. "But but...it's so boring!" then let's go retro, and put on your tinted glasses!

Tinted glasses are of all colours. Pick your poison.
But wait! Why you go reaching for red? Is that all you want to see?
And keep your hands off the blue! yes they cool, but a little too cold.
Don't go for the green lest you be mean.

Happy colours will make your world happy. It's all in the peephole. LIFE doesn't change, but your peephole can be different. It's your choice. Pick your poison.

Post-Camp Day Dreaming

I enjoyed camp this year! A few personal challenges, questions and answers have come my way, in their own weird and funny way... but that's who i am ain't it?

Re-lived a love for cooking and how u can like doing hard work if u truly love what you do.
Felt young, felt like i could still live bits of the fun uni life, will hate the days i start to feel like Kel (aka too-old-for-this) But i guess that's life.
Felt alot of love and friendship.
Re-assured everyone around me of my retardedness.

It was nice to see the young and new faces at camp. Before, i felt the same way as many old-timers in flare: what's going on this year? Flare spirit is at it's lowest! But after meeting these new people, i felt again i could hope to see these faces in future, having the passion that we carry like a blaze in our hearts for our beloved Flare family.

Star gazing was cool. We saw two shooting stars, and learnt to find scorpio and the teapot, together with Jupiter and Antares :)

Back to the real world is good but yet unwelcoming. Work greets us. ah well.

i hope everyone else had fun at camp, that maybe i helped made it more fun for all of you! :) will put some pics up later on...too bummed-out now :P

Now i'm sitting here in my room, contemplating all that i want to do. Maybe i'll start by going to Ikea to buy a bloody bed frame (about goddamn time!) and can't wait to get back to normal physical life!

Lyric line of the day:
"ooo i believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep." ~Jack Johnsn, Better Together.

Hum Ji

Last night was the second time i felt like saying it. But i didn't.
Emo-ness is bad. need to think of the goals i wanted this year. It's just amazing how time flew by. I can still remember the first day walking into that board room, trying to impress 15 people at one go. And i knew i didn't have to impress the one sitting on my left.

These days been thoughtful, sad, happy, tiring and challenging. well i guess it's all a person can ask for in life.

My room is a mess. Does a person's surroundings reflect himself? Regardless, i need to clean up. At least there'd be a room to stay in, instead of the space of a footstep and two body prints. i always said i like small spaces. Well, serves me right haha

Environment, carbon trading and the whole she-bang

http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/renovationnation/archives/2007/04/carbon_trading.html

I read this article while being bored at work and it reminded my of how important the environment should be on everybody's mind. I dunno how many ppl care about the happenings of australia, but it will surprise me if any international student comes up to me and tell me they don't know how bad the drought in australia is. Or the fact that Australia does not ratify the Kyoto Protocol and has huge nuclear waste problems and has a mining company topping its stock market exchange.

First thing that hit me when i read on was: shit, i have no idea what Carbon emissions mean to me. I remember those black balloons. But does anyone have any idea how much the numbers mean to us? check this out: http://safeclimate.net/calculator/ it calculates your carbon emissions per person, so that you know the CO2 that you produce in your daily activities.

The related question will be: why will Carbon emissions kill the world? All this biz and media about global warming and its debate is getting out of hand. Is it not clear enough to the world that we are the cause of its problems? Animals don't go extinct in the thousands in less than a century 'naturally'. Blame mother nature and her volcanoes and forest fires and floods all you want, but everything worked in a beautiful cycle before we came about. Ying and Yang, death and birth. One cannot happen without the other. None is better than the other, only balance is acceptable. And here we stand on one side of the scales, making the Earth scream like Xiaoyun when i step on her toes. something that starts like "ARRRGHHH!!!!!" to "zzz....hmph..." over time. The fact is, Mother Earth is not less unhappy about the situation just cos the decibels of her screams changes all the time. Having said all that, any noise is good, positive or not. In the end, when the interest level is high, people will find the truth and that is more powerful than what any president or scientist can tell you. So i guess it's a good thing. As the road safety slogans go, so does my environment slogan, "Keeping talking environmental awareness." Keeping talking, guys. Cos it's darn well YOUR problem. (yes u.) (no not the one behind u.) (u.) (yup.)

The other question i think about is the relevant article's debate: how much will legislation help? Is it right to punish people for their daily habits, whether reasonable or not?

- Is it too much of a blanket statement to say everyone is guilty? or is that just the plain ugly truth?

- Is this a legitimate cry to be considerate and broad-minded, or is this just an attempt to exploit the needy in order to cower in your own comfort zone?

This, i really don't know. But i guess some balance needs to happen. Especially a balance achieved with minimal bureaucracy.

My truth lies only in saving some water by showering quicker. Man, it's hard. But at least i'm trying. I blame a certain bad circumstance in my days at College Sq but ahhh that's another story...

peace out. love out. love and peace, out. XD

Looking over my shoulder

Through life, people do/should look back at their lives and think or wonder about how they got to here, to where they are now. Recently, life has been routine, it's not hard for me to block things out completely, something like the quote i learnt today from friends: "Oblivious people lead fulfilling lives." I won't dare to say that fulfilling is an all-encompassing word for the feeling that i get but it's a bit of a summary i guess. Although such blatent ignorance take emotional tolls and reaps all the consequences mercilessly. Such as, no longer calling a friend as often. Someone thick as me (yeah i am thick in some matters) will not take a short time for it to hurt me enough to notice. It will always be too late. Too hard to rescue, too much effort and too little return. It's a joke that i feel lonely and not know why. People say it's not hard, just pick the phone up. But talking to a friend on the phone is not only financially unsustainable, it takes away too much of your regular life time. Which will end up to unwashed dishes and unfolded laundry in my case.

Clown. Yes i have always been one. In primary 3 i was the class clown. I also happened to be the class monitor and top my class regularly. I continued to become a teacher's pet, yet still clowning with the teachers at any chance. Physically i never was quite a big icon, but i never had trouble because i earned respect and friendship throughout the cliques. I learnt that happiness is an attribute that can unite any two persons, that it is most productive. And i want to make a change. To make people smile, laugh, or at least give them something to smile and laugh about. Even if that is me. I guess you can only tell a joke if u owned it, but I do make people feel that they owned me, that i always owed them something, everything.

I watch my dad, as he commands the laughter of friends, clients, children, women young and old. Dad was never a man of great stature, being an elder child in a poor family. But i think he has given me strength many times. To be who I am. To be a clown, but a commanding one. One that knows where he wants to take his audience, that the world is his stage and all eyes are on him. On stage he is the only one. One that leads the hearts of men. Well actually i have no idea how to do that. I've played it dirty too long to learn a proper way. Giving too much, betting on the good side of every person to carry me through when i'm in need. No real charisma, just a feeling that they owe me. That i've owed them and paid my dues, that i deserve something. anything. nothing. Nobody knows. Even i don't. All i know is if they laugh, it's all good.

Years in australia, friends get sick of the jokes, they laugh less, i struggle with the relationships. I try different, i try deep. Mostly i was just boring, too intense at times, inappropriate. Too lame, they call it. I don't know. Fresh guys make the same jokes, they are funny. I laugh. They laugh. Soon that will fade too, and backbiting creeps into that void. But those that have chosen to listen, they stayed, they trusted. I am both blessed and cursed to have a wide social circle.

Truly, for every man, there's something to say about him. Some one thing that's easy to say. Few people stray away from the one word "nice" when it's my turn in the line. I feel too neutral. I do everything, I am good at none. Yet somehow the desire to excel always falls short. No natural talent, the kind tongues say. But i stay content to be enthusiastic about life, i keep trying, new things, different things. It's not easy, being the underdog most times.

But thinking positive, having friendship as my greatest asset hasn't been too bad (except once when it was BAD.) Despite what many people see, I think i lead very naturally, never needing a loud voice or a fierce command. Some don't like it, but they miss it when it's not present.

As usual, it's always too late before people fully appreciate each other. Probably that's the reason why people only get truly famous and honoured after death, when suddenly there is no point in judging no more. Bad fades and good stays.

getting back in line.

My name is Emo

"don't worry I know you're looking out for your friends...and whatever you say if I know that's what it's based on it counts a lot"

You know the times where you're so scared of screwing up that you actually do screw up? yeah, good times. Wish i can just screw up, get fucked and go home to mommy.

Can't help but notice that i'm increasingly emo. Gosh i need a fat slap to the face.

Kinda funny. This morning i woke up and i found that i've become a cynic. And i'm very close to believing in unbelief.

I made it a point to make it a point to learn the lyrics of one song per week. This week's choice is My Love by Justin T.

If only i could play bball, y'all be reading happier posts. Heh. Bball solves the world's problems. You know some people that love to dig their faces in the loveliest ice creams? or to run to the pier and scream/cry to the vast ocean? or take it all out on the person you love and apologise later? Well, bball's ma thing. And having no replacement is freaking zzz. It's like getting divorced and then developing impotence. GG NO RE dude. (non-gamers: read this as-> there's no hope of redemption; hopelessness; the lack of hope; black-hole syndrome)

Note to Self

it's nice to read happy blogs. and curious blogs. hehe.
thoughts to myself: plenty.

main idea: i should count my blessings. i shouldn't ask for more.

but i didn't.
what am i meant to learn?

Wenzi in da house, JT in da house

My partner in crime. My photo-whoring mate. Miss ya. tc.

The little things

Never really experienced fully the meaning of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" theory of the man and retreating into his cave. But i think that time for me is around now.

There are so many things on my mind. Mostly distractions, no matter how meaningful, and they just overwhelm this little ball of neurons.

But i need distractions. The cave's a little quiet sometimes, when there's just me in it.

Some things:
1. Family
2. bad habits
3. why my computer can't read chinese characters
4. water bottle is empty
5. Next heroes when??
6. Forgot again

In the spirit of limbo, how low can you go?
Well the last time it was rock. Let's not outdo that.

Where is my mind?

Scattered and raw
The pieces do feed crows.
Like the friends in my head
that never want to share.
My intellect torn to selfish jaws
Then left to rot for a better gnaw.
Where is my mind?
The heart doth try to find.
Where is my mind?
This loneliness scream "Try."
I can't find.

no.credits.left.

Fight Club

I've just watched a movie that fucked with my mind. congratulations edward norton and bratt pitt u fucking terds.
note to self: watch movie again.
any takers? :D

My banana bread fantasy

Evil and her evil sidekick desecrating my room.












Yeah i miss you too :)

ssw is happy

a friend is here. I'm looking at her. At her life.
Her eyes and mine see the same things around. The same people, the same objects.
Yet in words she speaks of this fast whirling days of her life.
While i sit there in permanent reminiscing mode.
That's just her. And that's just me.
Wonder if it's good.

Twiggyhola and the adventures of Tan and Tan.

Why have enemies when you got family friends like that? I present to you, Szela. She' prettier than the pictures i will show you. But too bad. heh lalalallala.

Yeah you sure as hell scared the beejeezes out of me and gave me nightmares.

Darlie advertisment.

More retardedness.

Lazy to post anymore. Next post will feature Twiggyhola/Potsypoot's pretty house. Meanwhile read her blog potsypoot