And another AFC moment!

At least i dare say i'm man enough to say this. That i'm just another freaking AFC plodding on down the street, shying away at once upon eye contact of another AFC on the street, like being ashamed of both yourself and for him.

I still can't decide if i like or hate this feeling : having so many thoughts that you actually don't know or remember the point of it anymore. Like Ross said ( to Phoebe), if you forget the reason, then you should just drop it right?

How-not-to-be-an-AFC should be taught to all boys in high school. Unless natural selection is your argument or you're a director hungry for a bullying-type plot.

either ways, i'm feeling fucked.

OverheARd

This got me almost bursting out in laughter and smiling like an idiot when i was walking out of Aldi.
Aldi shopper going to Aldi with Aldi-first timer. At the register, the aldi-first timer became confused. So the Aldi shopper said to his friend:

"I'll teach you, Safeway Chump, the way we do things around here."

ALDI rulez. Give us more discount, international-student haven!

I NEED A FASHION GURU

"The boys in jeans, snickers, nike t-shirts or collared unknowns, standard stuff. Then it's him, vith a semi-V neck black sweater, very casual, very cool. 3/4 jeans, showing his tanned and shapey calves, donning a pair of havanianas." Man. how do you NOT stand out like that? sex god...

ANyway, I need to get a) a better dress sense, b) a shopping buddy with a good dress sense, c) money.

HOW! maybe i can start with a haircut haha.

It's amazing how the clothes you put on can influence the attitudes of others towards you, and influence the way you carry yourself. And how so many first impressions stem from how you look/dress, and usually don't go very far from there....

I guess Neil Strauss is so right: To be able to show her your inner beauty, you have to attract her attention to you with outer beauty.

tragically true. Which is why i love those with x-ray vision. hehe.

Chinese Whispers, i'll steal your murmurs

There's a peephole. On one side it's you. And the other, i's LIFE. It's not possible to open the door and see the whole picture (kai1 men2 jian4 shan1)......But you can always look into the peephole and catch a glimpse.

Peepholes are small. Sometimes they distort the image. You have to focus. "But but...it's so boring!" then let's go retro, and put on your tinted glasses!

Tinted glasses are of all colours. Pick your poison.
But wait! Why you go reaching for red? Is that all you want to see?
And keep your hands off the blue! yes they cool, but a little too cold.
Don't go for the green lest you be mean.

Happy colours will make your world happy. It's all in the peephole. LIFE doesn't change, but your peephole can be different. It's your choice. Pick your poison.

Post-Camp Day Dreaming

I enjoyed camp this year! A few personal challenges, questions and answers have come my way, in their own weird and funny way... but that's who i am ain't it?

Re-lived a love for cooking and how u can like doing hard work if u truly love what you do.
Felt young, felt like i could still live bits of the fun uni life, will hate the days i start to feel like Kel (aka too-old-for-this) But i guess that's life.
Felt alot of love and friendship.
Re-assured everyone around me of my retardedness.

It was nice to see the young and new faces at camp. Before, i felt the same way as many old-timers in flare: what's going on this year? Flare spirit is at it's lowest! But after meeting these new people, i felt again i could hope to see these faces in future, having the passion that we carry like a blaze in our hearts for our beloved Flare family.

Star gazing was cool. We saw two shooting stars, and learnt to find scorpio and the teapot, together with Jupiter and Antares :)

Back to the real world is good but yet unwelcoming. Work greets us. ah well.

i hope everyone else had fun at camp, that maybe i helped made it more fun for all of you! :) will put some pics up later on...too bummed-out now :P

Now i'm sitting here in my room, contemplating all that i want to do. Maybe i'll start by going to Ikea to buy a bloody bed frame (about goddamn time!) and can't wait to get back to normal physical life!

Lyric line of the day:
"ooo i believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep." ~Jack Johnsn, Better Together.

Hum Ji

Last night was the second time i felt like saying it. But i didn't.
Emo-ness is bad. need to think of the goals i wanted this year. It's just amazing how time flew by. I can still remember the first day walking into that board room, trying to impress 15 people at one go. And i knew i didn't have to impress the one sitting on my left.

These days been thoughtful, sad, happy, tiring and challenging. well i guess it's all a person can ask for in life.

My room is a mess. Does a person's surroundings reflect himself? Regardless, i need to clean up. At least there'd be a room to stay in, instead of the space of a footstep and two body prints. i always said i like small spaces. Well, serves me right haha

Environment, carbon trading and the whole she-bang

http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/renovationnation/archives/2007/04/carbon_trading.html

I read this article while being bored at work and it reminded my of how important the environment should be on everybody's mind. I dunno how many ppl care about the happenings of australia, but it will surprise me if any international student comes up to me and tell me they don't know how bad the drought in australia is. Or the fact that Australia does not ratify the Kyoto Protocol and has huge nuclear waste problems and has a mining company topping its stock market exchange.

First thing that hit me when i read on was: shit, i have no idea what Carbon emissions mean to me. I remember those black balloons. But does anyone have any idea how much the numbers mean to us? check this out: http://safeclimate.net/calculator/ it calculates your carbon emissions per person, so that you know the CO2 that you produce in your daily activities.

The related question will be: why will Carbon emissions kill the world? All this biz and media about global warming and its debate is getting out of hand. Is it not clear enough to the world that we are the cause of its problems? Animals don't go extinct in the thousands in less than a century 'naturally'. Blame mother nature and her volcanoes and forest fires and floods all you want, but everything worked in a beautiful cycle before we came about. Ying and Yang, death and birth. One cannot happen without the other. None is better than the other, only balance is acceptable. And here we stand on one side of the scales, making the Earth scream like Xiaoyun when i step on her toes. something that starts like "ARRRGHHH!!!!!" to "zzz....hmph..." over time. The fact is, Mother Earth is not less unhappy about the situation just cos the decibels of her screams changes all the time. Having said all that, any noise is good, positive or not. In the end, when the interest level is high, people will find the truth and that is more powerful than what any president or scientist can tell you. So i guess it's a good thing. As the road safety slogans go, so does my environment slogan, "Keeping talking environmental awareness." Keeping talking, guys. Cos it's darn well YOUR problem. (yes u.) (no not the one behind u.) (u.) (yup.)

The other question i think about is the relevant article's debate: how much will legislation help? Is it right to punish people for their daily habits, whether reasonable or not?

- Is it too much of a blanket statement to say everyone is guilty? or is that just the plain ugly truth?

- Is this a legitimate cry to be considerate and broad-minded, or is this just an attempt to exploit the needy in order to cower in your own comfort zone?

This, i really don't know. But i guess some balance needs to happen. Especially a balance achieved with minimal bureaucracy.

My truth lies only in saving some water by showering quicker. Man, it's hard. But at least i'm trying. I blame a certain bad circumstance in my days at College Sq but ahhh that's another story...

peace out. love out. love and peace, out. XD

Looking over my shoulder

Through life, people do/should look back at their lives and think or wonder about how they got to here, to where they are now. Recently, life has been routine, it's not hard for me to block things out completely, something like the quote i learnt today from friends: "Oblivious people lead fulfilling lives." I won't dare to say that fulfilling is an all-encompassing word for the feeling that i get but it's a bit of a summary i guess. Although such blatent ignorance take emotional tolls and reaps all the consequences mercilessly. Such as, no longer calling a friend as often. Someone thick as me (yeah i am thick in some matters) will not take a short time for it to hurt me enough to notice. It will always be too late. Too hard to rescue, too much effort and too little return. It's a joke that i feel lonely and not know why. People say it's not hard, just pick the phone up. But talking to a friend on the phone is not only financially unsustainable, it takes away too much of your regular life time. Which will end up to unwashed dishes and unfolded laundry in my case.

Clown. Yes i have always been one. In primary 3 i was the class clown. I also happened to be the class monitor and top my class regularly. I continued to become a teacher's pet, yet still clowning with the teachers at any chance. Physically i never was quite a big icon, but i never had trouble because i earned respect and friendship throughout the cliques. I learnt that happiness is an attribute that can unite any two persons, that it is most productive. And i want to make a change. To make people smile, laugh, or at least give them something to smile and laugh about. Even if that is me. I guess you can only tell a joke if u owned it, but I do make people feel that they owned me, that i always owed them something, everything.

I watch my dad, as he commands the laughter of friends, clients, children, women young and old. Dad was never a man of great stature, being an elder child in a poor family. But i think he has given me strength many times. To be who I am. To be a clown, but a commanding one. One that knows where he wants to take his audience, that the world is his stage and all eyes are on him. On stage he is the only one. One that leads the hearts of men. Well actually i have no idea how to do that. I've played it dirty too long to learn a proper way. Giving too much, betting on the good side of every person to carry me through when i'm in need. No real charisma, just a feeling that they owe me. That i've owed them and paid my dues, that i deserve something. anything. nothing. Nobody knows. Even i don't. All i know is if they laugh, it's all good.

Years in australia, friends get sick of the jokes, they laugh less, i struggle with the relationships. I try different, i try deep. Mostly i was just boring, too intense at times, inappropriate. Too lame, they call it. I don't know. Fresh guys make the same jokes, they are funny. I laugh. They laugh. Soon that will fade too, and backbiting creeps into that void. But those that have chosen to listen, they stayed, they trusted. I am both blessed and cursed to have a wide social circle.

Truly, for every man, there's something to say about him. Some one thing that's easy to say. Few people stray away from the one word "nice" when it's my turn in the line. I feel too neutral. I do everything, I am good at none. Yet somehow the desire to excel always falls short. No natural talent, the kind tongues say. But i stay content to be enthusiastic about life, i keep trying, new things, different things. It's not easy, being the underdog most times.

But thinking positive, having friendship as my greatest asset hasn't been too bad (except once when it was BAD.) Despite what many people see, I think i lead very naturally, never needing a loud voice or a fierce command. Some don't like it, but they miss it when it's not present.

As usual, it's always too late before people fully appreciate each other. Probably that's the reason why people only get truly famous and honoured after death, when suddenly there is no point in judging no more. Bad fades and good stays.

getting back in line.

My name is Emo

"don't worry I know you're looking out for your friends...and whatever you say if I know that's what it's based on it counts a lot"

You know the times where you're so scared of screwing up that you actually do screw up? yeah, good times. Wish i can just screw up, get fucked and go home to mommy.

Can't help but notice that i'm increasingly emo. Gosh i need a fat slap to the face.

Kinda funny. This morning i woke up and i found that i've become a cynic. And i'm very close to believing in unbelief.

I made it a point to make it a point to learn the lyrics of one song per week. This week's choice is My Love by Justin T.

If only i could play bball, y'all be reading happier posts. Heh. Bball solves the world's problems. You know some people that love to dig their faces in the loveliest ice creams? or to run to the pier and scream/cry to the vast ocean? or take it all out on the person you love and apologise later? Well, bball's ma thing. And having no replacement is freaking zzz. It's like getting divorced and then developing impotence. GG NO RE dude. (non-gamers: read this as-> there's no hope of redemption; hopelessness; the lack of hope; black-hole syndrome)

Note to Self

it's nice to read happy blogs. and curious blogs. hehe.
thoughts to myself: plenty.

main idea: i should count my blessings. i shouldn't ask for more.

but i didn't.
what am i meant to learn?

Wenzi in da house, JT in da house

My partner in crime. My photo-whoring mate. Miss ya. tc.

The little things

Never really experienced fully the meaning of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" theory of the man and retreating into his cave. But i think that time for me is around now.

There are so many things on my mind. Mostly distractions, no matter how meaningful, and they just overwhelm this little ball of neurons.

But i need distractions. The cave's a little quiet sometimes, when there's just me in it.

Some things:
1. Family
2. bad habits
3. why my computer can't read chinese characters
4. water bottle is empty
5. Next heroes when??
6. Forgot again

In the spirit of limbo, how low can you go?
Well the last time it was rock. Let's not outdo that.

Where is my mind?

Scattered and raw
The pieces do feed crows.
Like the friends in my head
that never want to share.
My intellect torn to selfish jaws
Then left to rot for a better gnaw.
Where is my mind?
The heart doth try to find.
Where is my mind?
This loneliness scream "Try."
I can't find.

no.credits.left.

Fight Club

I've just watched a movie that fucked with my mind. congratulations edward norton and bratt pitt u fucking terds.
note to self: watch movie again.
any takers? :D

My banana bread fantasy

Evil and her evil sidekick desecrating my room.












Yeah i miss you too :)

ssw is happy

a friend is here. I'm looking at her. At her life.
Her eyes and mine see the same things around. The same people, the same objects.
Yet in words she speaks of this fast whirling days of her life.
While i sit there in permanent reminiscing mode.
That's just her. And that's just me.
Wonder if it's good.

Twiggyhola and the adventures of Tan and Tan.

Why have enemies when you got family friends like that? I present to you, Szela. She' prettier than the pictures i will show you. But too bad. heh lalalallala.

Yeah you sure as hell scared the beejeezes out of me and gave me nightmares.

Darlie advertisment.

More retardedness.

Lazy to post anymore. Next post will feature Twiggyhola/Potsypoot's pretty house. Meanwhile read her blog potsypoot

My birthday post!

Aloha peeps! sorry to keep you waiting. And all that emo crap previously, although the muar chinese is DAAAAA best hehehe sorry to you bananas maybe i'll find a funny english thing to put up....

ANYtheway, lots of stuff to blog about! we start with my belated blog post of my many belated birthday celebrations!

First Up, BREAKKY SURPRISE! 2nd time in a row (yes i'm blur.)

The whole surprise gang! 4-5 times more than last year's.

Sleeping pose (except su lynn) Can't expect us not to! $%#!& early.


Dinner at Plume, Doncaster

Pav licked me. At 8 am when i just went to bed at 5am. I woke up blur, looked up and wondered why there's a silent buzz out at my door. The surprise was crazy, all i could say was "holy shit!" and turned away... then i tried to stare hard without glasses to see how many ppl, and there's like massive loads of ppl, some can't even get through the door to take a peek at my embarrassed face! Later when i got up, some ppl still weren't into the excitement... it was like "this corridor is jammed, move it sucker!...oh hi joon." Meticulously (i assume) planned by some mastermind(s), Jel the master mastermind, evilest of of all evil, to join gracey under the evil empire of evilness. Did i mention i love her? to bits? And the lovely peeps of Daph and Di, earliest to awake and cook some lovely pancakes! Jules, arriving early and discovering that Flare ain't too punctual....aiyo these Malaysians/Singaporeans sheesh :P And bringng those muffins. Su Lynn who took a taxi two blocks down, and made nice jelly yumyums kept me belly happy at late hours. Shar and Vinh and the heroic kitchen adventure, turning out lovely scrambles and frieds for us hungry monsters. Shar, especially, for her smile that was kinda magical, in that whole sea of "i'm tired." Yay and hoorah for morning people! Ning, who slept at what 8 pm?! and didn't look a least bit tired! An excited Ning, something i enjoy seeing. Ness and her porridge, serious yumyums. Jo, Am, Kel, simply for waking up after nights of little sleep and/or hangovers and whatnots. Love you, my lil grattan st family. To Caleb and Ian, who greeted me in a most brotherly love fashion :P To Leelee, my dear junior, always there, always happy. Suz, the bundle of smiles. To Bud and Xiaoyun, who had to prepare stuff to eat after tiring pracs hurriedly, and came back and had to listen to me talk and talk. To Junni, whom i'm sure was not there just bcos her cousin was. And last but not least to Rani, grandmaster sexxy. Who, with Evilest of all Evil, baked me a THREE-TIER PEANUT BUTTER CHOCOLATE AND BANANA CAKE. all my favs, soooo thoughtful! esp Jel knows intimately about my banana obsession.... yes it's a little hard, just like me.

Special mention to Sher who i'm sure would have been first through the door if she could. and to mandi who couldn't make it. And to Lee-ean who made it to the dinner afters only. She also wrote me a poem hehe.

Off to Plume, by request cos i wanted a chinese restaurant.Ferried by Jazz club, in Ian's emo-car-of-the-decade. From which developed the running joke "Can i dip my YouTiao into your DouJiang?" :P Shan't comment on the bad things, but one waitress was really cute with her words. kinda sharp, like junni, but i like. Jel says "why do u always have to flirt with the waitress on your birthday dinner?" Maybe it's just me. :P

So anyway, presents! The gang got me this suit and pants from Myer. It's children's size ): but oh wells, that's what I am in Australia. and a nice shirt of light cyan. Also they got me a BUGE card, with pics and wrapped in colored foil, and with cut-out dolphins bearing all the messages from ppl, and the dolphins arranged to say happy 22nd Bday! Again, all my favs.

Me in my Bday Suit.

The dolphin card!

The back of the dolphin card

And that's flare for you, peeps. Always exciting. But that was not the end of it, more surprises recently?!?! But it's like playing cheat lar! it's too belated to not be surprised? lol. okok i risk sounding grumpy and unappreciative. So here's to the next double surprise.

Dinner at Tomodachi was set, even though Mou was sounding retarded when he told me that sher's bday thingy is being called off, but we still gonna have dinner....i was like "screw that, we still gonna get a cake!" I guess he couldn't tell me why. lol. So me and siaowen dandily went to buy a big mud cake for her, which was quite nice actually... but anyway the guys got me a cake too! i think it must be funniest for the waitress to receive two cakes before dinner...they'd be like "which one goes first? who's bday ISSIT?" lol. Guess what, my bday cake featured a bday song-whistling candle! omg wth how did u guys find shit like that? damn farni lar. I got the strawberry gateau cake yumyums ultimate.

Beauty and the Beast. In a nice shirt ;p

The present was the best. Sher thanks so much, it's something I have wanted. Not wanted, but really liked to have :D Plus it's my type of watch, my style. Fossil. Big thanks to everyone who chipped in for it. To Sher, for everything. To Jo, who went with sher. Mou, the 43 i can't live without. And thanks for the 2.5 message on the card. Let's keep the stupid-card-trend up :P Siaowen, who is too good at keeping her mouth zip at times, and too good the other way. To the rest, Eugene, Runxuan, Eric.

The point of this picture is the watch. really. serious! fine laugh at me.

Final Emo Note for everybody: Thanks. Means alot to me. everything. Somehow used to think I don't really have my fav this and that, but you guys manage to squeeze things I like out for me to see. That ain't voodoo, but it definitely is magical friendship. R-E-S-T-E-C-P.

Muar Chinese Heng Gou Li

Da most entertaining thing i've seen in a long time. I'm gonna learn this rap baby!

Fuck Me.

nuff said.

No Frills, No Thrills, Just Me.

Most people will know i'm a straight guy. Yeah in all aspects. (dumbass..) So as a straight guy, i'm gonna say this....

I like honesty. Both from myself and from others. Don't get me wrong, i believe in diplomacy too. But truth matters more than anything. Truth with a bit of tact.

I want you to come talk to me. I want/need to hear it from you. Don't worry too much. I won't eat you. Like you said, monsters eat people. And you ain't one. Well, neither am I.

In other news, I'm already feeling negative vibes rippling through our community. Thank God for the positives, but nevertheless, let's hear some deep bottom-of-the-heart honesty. You know I love you and will support you, but you have to come clean. With yourself first, then with the ones that matter. There is no room for disunity in our family. Ohana. Means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

And in more news, self-pity is worthless. Okay fine, i'm guilty of a little of that now...but i'm certain it will fade. In fact i'm actively banishing it to the fiery hells. You should too. You have my shoulders (not my back tho...oops.) to lean on. To cry on. To climb on. As I will have yours.

I love you all. I can't dance with you no more. But I will walk with you. I will talk to you. And if you let me, I will hold your hand.

Pouring, drenching, dancing, playing.

They say when it rains, it pours. Truth could not come closer to this superstition, as I’m taught over and over again in life.

Take an example, my heartland Johor Bahru, of which I’m apparently a grandmaster and protector of that sacred ground (cite iwannabefamous). When it rained, somehow it didn’t stop. And after 3 days of non-stop raining, many wondered if the sky has fallen. Certainly in a metaphorical sense, some people’s sky did fell. Reality came in waves, sweeping bustling towns and rural villages alike, as if blind to the rules of the caste system. Johor Bahru has not seen worst floods than this. This is the real thing. Natural disasters are finally arriving at beloved JB to wreck our lives as it has in our neighbours Kuching, Indonesia, Taiwan and Australia.

As with my heartland, my heart itself is climbing those cliffs of test. My worries, whether pressing or mediocre, flood me. Somehow in this whole turbulence, I’ve become all shook up. I procrastinate tasks to desperately try to find my identity. I’ve not lost it completely, but it is just hard to find among all the luggages and pills and the blur of the unknown. Maybe it is this ‘unknowing’, of my body, of my life in the near future, of my career and of matters of the heart that trouble me the most. Complicating these are some side worries for people I care about. And in the heat of all problems, I feel helpless. Since the first troubles, it has not gotten easier. Or luckier. “Once you’re rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up.” True, yet I’ve not hit rock bottom and I have no desire to return to that hole once again.

And when I needed it most, I fail myself. Maybe I have relied too much on these emotional releases, dancing and basketball. Most cruel and painful are these losses. But not the be-all and end-all. But terribly lamentable.

Just as with natural disasters, I seek answers to my confused, confuzzled self. The biggest question: “Why?” hangs there like a carrot on a stick. I seek comfort in knowing, and hopefully in understanding. Maybe it started when I stopped talking with God. Maybe these are tests meant to set me on the right path for good, while I still have not much to lose. I can nod my head to this. I’m young; my bones may yet grow. I’m freshly graduated; my chances may yet manifest. I am loved; my friends may not yet abandon me. I’m patient; it may yet pay off. Plus I still can Wii. Just like victims of the uncontrollable, I kneel here and look upwards. And I close my eyes. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I will do you proud.

And then I play in the rain.

I think i think

I think i think too much. But i still think i use my brain too little.
anyway, the bottom line is: some one get me a new laptop. pretty please. with cherries and cream on top.
will blog with less laziness next time :P

Le Tour de Maison (House Tour)

Bonjour! Vel-com, merci, me no speaking englais vell.

Dis iz my Maison. Veli short tour. But tres mignon (very cute)!!!

Uno. Zi paintings de mon mere (my mom's paintings)....

She's only taken her chinese paintings seriously in the last couple of years. From simplicity to nature, her style though limited, has excelled. Although not apparent, when viewed in real-life, the paranoma created by long paintings depict liveliness and depth. Plus her animals are always in motion. Proud-of-her level 8.5! Will capture some of her first love if possible: Ikebana. But dad is just cute/funny, suddenly all her paintings are hung up. Really, it was an overnight job. He made mom dig out past paintings kept in the closet to frame and display.

Deux. Random things.

The big grandfather clock in my house. I have no idea. But i gives a gentle dong every hour. So at least it's not the irritating cuckoos. lolz. so i guess it ain't bad. best part, its put right under the wall clock. lololololz. talk about white elephants. But this is a pretty one. heez *grinz*

Le Porche. Nope not the car. The real car porch. Decorated in the corner with a garden sitting set, indo bamboo with marble top, just like old kopitiam times. The last set was carried off in the middle of the night, so dad got new ones. haha. behind is a rocking chair, which was mistakenly painted blood red by me once... good thing it wasn't burnt by some superstitious freak. oh, and it has the view of our sweet garden, with overhanging pots and a mini pond (not like jojo's >.<) Best enjoyed when it's pouring, you can sit here, listen to the water falling and thunder roaring. Sip your hot kopi ahhhhhhh.......

De Dining table. Fishy! literally. indonesian hard-carved hard mahogany. kinda bulky but pretty and actually nice to sit at and to have guests over for dinner. yumyums!

The view looking out of my house. Dad loves trees. so much he planted four in the house. This is the biggest one. One's already chopped cos it was about to turn my frontyard into Jumanji. Anyway this little hill brings fond memories. And if you look at the bottom of the pic u can see my house has two gates. Talk about redundant.

Cute thing.

S&P, sitting in a shelf

H-U-G-G-I-N-G

(hmm. i can't rhyme.)

anyways, omg found this in my house. Salt comes out of one's eyes, and pepper comes out of the other's eyes and nose. LOL. there is alot of random stuff in my house. Will search them out next episode!

Trios. My room

Ok i'm lazy with the stoopid french accent already, as you can tell. This is my room, which somehow turned into a nice display unit of my house. All nicely decorated, much better than ikea i tell you, courtesy of me bro.

Ok la end of sad and boring tour. Another episode of boring stuff awaits! don't fall off the edge of your seat just yet..... (drumroll, applause)

:D

happy holidays and happy work peeps.

miss all.

xoxo