Today i felt odd. I slept too much. I was late. I was proven wrong. I faked a face. I ate alot of KFC. I met an old friend. I felt slightly uncomfortable with another. I cringed at my wound. I spoke to dad. I confessed stupidity. And right now, I feel like I am slowly not knowing my friends. With that follows not knowing myself.
Just for a while, i wish to not think.
But just for a while.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Accidental Date
it is funny. yes, ha-ha funny, not weirdo funny. LOL janice and me... can't believe it completely slipped my mind to call up all the biomed buddies for dinner. She put make-up and dressed up lor! omg. i'm a bitch. but anyhow ended up just the two of us. And it reminded me of the times we spent together honours-hunting at the end of third year. She is someone who remembers me and appreciates me as a friend, and will probably try to find me if i ever go back to malaysia...
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Lady, where's my Tosai?
Heard this story from a fren, about indians on a Sg-Melb flight, asking for tosai and Miraaanda on a SQ flight.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Ode to Derrick
All day on wednesday and thursday, Derrick lamented, "In these 2 years, we've carried out so many surprises, yet i have not yet received one :( " and "Wow, grace got a video thingy. It's so nice to get a video thingy"
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
The Boys. L to R: Aaron, Bud, Derrick, Joon, Kel, Rani. Absent: Vinh
The Ladies. L to R: front, Ness, Am, Shar, Derrick, Sher, Ning, back, Roz, Jojo, Junni, XY. Absent: Vee, Jules
Cherry Tree! Mass-clumping of human body parts.
Cherry Tree part 2!
Byebye to the corniest roommate of the year.
A short note of existence
Funny that i'm "free as a bird", i find myself occuppying all my time again. One word to describe my holiday: tight.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
The psychology of our daily lives
Words can be just words. But if the pen is mightier than the sword, then words definitely can be equally murderous.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Friday, October 06, 2006
A long time coming.
Looking back in a turbulent and ever-changing year of my life, i've come to embrace many facades of myself, both good and bad. And i've come to terms with things that go on around me in my life, whereas in the past i am just oblivious to it.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Story of a girl
Relationships are bizarre.
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Snapshot of my life last week
Last week, Miss Uni Gig happened. Yeah i didn't really know what happened in that week, it just whizzed me by. All i remember is long tiring pracs and alot of "cream of the crop" women. zzz.
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Monday, September 04, 2006
My second new year resolution
Spring is the new year. So i don't care and i shall make new resolutions and change the ones i don't like (aka i can't achieve ;p).
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Chatterbox commands!
In my chatterbox, use these codes to make your message cool!
To create a link,
[url=http://www.demo.com]Homepage[/url]
Email link,
[email=me@demo.com]Email[/email]
Bold Text
[b]Text[/b]
Italics
[i]Text[/i]
Underlined,
[u]Text[/u]
Moving Text (left or right or alt)
[move left]Text[/move]
[move right]Text[/move]
[move alternate]Text[/move]
Highlight!
[mark]Text[/mark]
[glow]Text[/glow]
Annoying Flying Text
[fly left]Text[/fly]
[fly right]Text[/fly]
[fly up]Text[/fly]
[fly down]Text[/fly]
Blink blink!
[blink]Text[/blink]
wahahahaa
zzzzzz.
heehee
have fun!
To create a link,
[url=http://www.demo.com]Homepage[/url]
Email link,
[email=me@demo.com]Email[/email]
Bold Text
[b]Text[/b]
Italics
[i]Text[/i]
Underlined,
[u]Text[/u]
Moving Text (left or right or alt)
[move left]Text[/move]
[move right]Text[/move]
[move alternate]Text[/move]
Highlight!
[mark]Text[/mark]
[glow]Text[/glow]
Annoying Flying Text
[fly left]Text[/fly]
[fly right]Text[/fly]
[fly up]Text[/fly]
[fly down]Text[/fly]
Blink blink!
[blink]Text[/blink]
wahahahaa
zzzzzz.
heehee
have fun!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The Spring of September
Spring breathes life into all things.
Come September. My trying days are here. Take my lifeless body and manifest a stallion. Run the fields, trample the new-grown grass, and conquer the meadows in a sweep.
Spring brings life-giving waters, purifying winds, intoxicating fervor.
Infect me, O beloved bringer of the harvest, the new year awaits your touch, eager breasts inching, yearning, pleading.
And with the fairy-airy colourful nonsense aside, i need to put the plan of September into action.
Work. how do you do 5 months of work in 6 weeks? By starting with 3 months of work in 2 weeks. GO JUMBO!
I have a hunch i'm gonna have a speed lesson about what my professor preached:
"there are 3 days in a day. Each day is 8 hours long. You work 2 days, and take one day's leave (to sleep)." ..... -_-" powerful stuff...can't wait!!! -_-"""
Dance. Choreo Review is this week and i'm stil not sharp nor creative! urgh. i really need the time and will to improve my dance skills. I wanna see the day where i can step into a freestyle ring and actually do more than 2 moves!....
Priorities again and again and again. It's almost as bad as trying not to sleep in lectures. and positively harder than quitting coffee or instant noodles.
Friends Before i begin a path-of-no-return into lonely grumpy days without friends, i must admit how badly any friend can affect me, and how strong i can be about f**k-caring about anyone around me when i choose to. And so the balance is fragile. And i'm the idiot who will most definitely fail law school at this rate.. (law school, balance...get it?... nvm) So i better re-count my blessings again and remember the ones i forgot to count last time.
Future Need to find job, need to persue dream, need to know what dream is in the first place, need money to find dream, need to find job to earn money....this sounds like "the song that doesn't end". OK DON'T START. I SAID DON'T...sigh nvm... *sings along* Friends in uni studying fun fun stuff remind me of the days i loved science (esp Pharmacology). Maybe i'm just fed up of sitting around and waiting for miracles to happen. I currently do that literally. yes, i admit, i'm a WEIRDO.
Lousy attempt at poem
And again and again my path will begin
forever hold fast, i hope it will last,determination to push my imagination
of the inner workaholic who drinks hot horlicks.
Nights, love.
J2dawin
Come September. My trying days are here. Take my lifeless body and manifest a stallion. Run the fields, trample the new-grown grass, and conquer the meadows in a sweep.
Spring brings life-giving waters, purifying winds, intoxicating fervor.
Infect me, O beloved bringer of the harvest, the new year awaits your touch, eager breasts inching, yearning, pleading.
And with the fairy-airy colourful nonsense aside, i need to put the plan of September into action.
Work. how do you do 5 months of work in 6 weeks? By starting with 3 months of work in 2 weeks. GO JUMBO!
I have a hunch i'm gonna have a speed lesson about what my professor preached:
"there are 3 days in a day. Each day is 8 hours long. You work 2 days, and take one day's leave (to sleep)." ..... -_-" powerful stuff...can't wait!!! -_-"""
Dance. Choreo Review is this week and i'm stil not sharp nor creative! urgh. i really need the time and will to improve my dance skills. I wanna see the day where i can step into a freestyle ring and actually do more than 2 moves!....
Priorities again and again and again. It's almost as bad as trying not to sleep in lectures. and positively harder than quitting coffee or instant noodles.
Friends Before i begin a path-of-no-return into lonely grumpy days without friends, i must admit how badly any friend can affect me, and how strong i can be about f**k-caring about anyone around me when i choose to. And so the balance is fragile. And i'm the idiot who will most definitely fail law school at this rate.. (law school, balance...get it?... nvm) So i better re-count my blessings again and remember the ones i forgot to count last time.
Future Need to find job, need to persue dream, need to know what dream is in the first place, need money to find dream, need to find job to earn money....this sounds like "the song that doesn't end". OK DON'T START. I SAID DON'T...sigh nvm... *sings along* Friends in uni studying fun fun stuff remind me of the days i loved science (esp Pharmacology). Maybe i'm just fed up of sitting around and waiting for miracles to happen. I currently do that literally. yes, i admit, i'm a WEIRDO.
Lousy attempt at poem
And again and again my path will begin
forever hold fast, i hope it will last,determination to push my imagination
of the inner workaholic who drinks hot horlicks.
Nights, love.
J2dawin
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Appreciation and Seduction
I personally can't handle appreciation. I don't even like the word. It makes me edgy.
Appreciating #1: I'm generally stable, even if i'm snubbed or anything. Attitude can't touch me. But underappreciation hits me like a bullet. Why? It's an insecurity.
Appreciating #2: I've now learnt that i also can't show appreciation. I defended myself initially. But now i feel it's true.
The other realization: Kindness is the hardest thing to repay.
***
On another note, i've just read finished "The Game" by Neil Strauss... the one book Derrick and I have obssessed over. And to the end of the book, i realize two things:
One: I'm already a good PUA, difference being intention and actually looking for long-term connections with 'em. AMOGing, Social proofing, i've done it all before.
Two: Reading this book actually works up an ego. Like, after reading a couple of pages, I've just gone through a conversation so filled with my own testosterone that i could smell it, yet can't stop it. it's toxic and positively bad stuff.
wait, i'm realizing a third: Sometimes, it doesn't have to take effort to seduce. Sometimes, as Style himself says, it takes some real love to attract real relationships. Sarging is only a more elaborate and effective "hello".
Thoughtful saturday.
***
Shakedown 2006
I like this photo. L to R...top behind: Shar, Vinh. Middle: Am, Grace. Front: Ning, Xiaoyun, Kel.
Appreciating #1: I'm generally stable, even if i'm snubbed or anything. Attitude can't touch me. But underappreciation hits me like a bullet. Why? It's an insecurity.
Appreciating #2: I've now learnt that i also can't show appreciation. I defended myself initially. But now i feel it's true.
The other realization: Kindness is the hardest thing to repay.
***
On another note, i've just read finished "The Game" by Neil Strauss... the one book Derrick and I have obssessed over. And to the end of the book, i realize two things:
One: I'm already a good PUA, difference being intention and actually looking for long-term connections with 'em. AMOGing, Social proofing, i've done it all before.
Two: Reading this book actually works up an ego. Like, after reading a couple of pages, I've just gone through a conversation so filled with my own testosterone that i could smell it, yet can't stop it. it's toxic and positively bad stuff.
wait, i'm realizing a third: Sometimes, it doesn't have to take effort to seduce. Sometimes, as Style himself says, it takes some real love to attract real relationships. Sarging is only a more elaborate and effective "hello".
Thoughtful saturday.
***
Shakedown 2006
I like this photo. L to R...top behind: Shar, Vinh. Middle: Am, Grace. Front: Ning, Xiaoyun, Kel.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Kindness came the other way
This blog entry has no other meaning other than to express my huge gratitude to Sou (who doesn't read this blog) and how much it means to me.
And the fact of the matter is, i haven't done anything for her.
who can say i've deserved it? i really wonder. But maybe, as the title goes, kindness comes around, in this big circle of life we all will never understand, and can only believe in it with heart and faith.
Today i believe.
And the fact of the matter is, i haven't done anything for her.
who can say i've deserved it? i really wonder. But maybe, as the title goes, kindness comes around, in this big circle of life we all will never understand, and can only believe in it with heart and faith.
Today i believe.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Who is Joon?
Man, camp was good. Team 6 named ourselves "Who is Joon?" after a corny remark by yours truly sparked creative juices in shar's and ning's head. and of course, beatrice with her wagamama to spice it up a little. Too bad we didn't video our cheer, but i suspect we'll do it once re-united!
pictures will be up once i get it, but for now, some of my own.
the beautiful sunset of Healsville, peaking out of the clouds with distinct rays. Like out of heaven. This was taken Friday evening in Suzzane's car.
The blind mice of team WHOISJOON basking in the glory of victory. L2R: Shar, Ning, Beatrice
Team WHOISJOON going for gold! Balloon challenge L2R: Rani, Shar, Me, Ning, Winnie, Jules, Aaron's leg, Suz our boss. (p.s. it's not what it looks like. we're innocent!)
ok i admit, this game is a contact sport. but, hell, all was worth it, and the prize....
Hohoho i promised Beatrice we'll win it back. And we DID!
love you all!
send me pics, guys!...and i'll send you mine too!
pictures will be up once i get it, but for now, some of my own.
the beautiful sunset of Healsville, peaking out of the clouds with distinct rays. Like out of heaven. This was taken Friday evening in Suzzane's car.
The blind mice of team WHOISJOON basking in the glory of victory. L2R: Shar, Ning, Beatrice
Team WHOISJOON going for gold! Balloon challenge L2R: Rani, Shar, Me, Ning, Winnie, Jules, Aaron's leg, Suz our boss. (p.s. it's not what it looks like. we're innocent!)
ok i admit, this game is a contact sport. but, hell, all was worth it, and the prize....
Hohoho i promised Beatrice we'll win it back. And we DID!
love you all!
send me pics, guys!...and i'll send you mine too!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
My new pet-song artist Terra Naomi
CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD
TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY
IT FEELS LIKE THE BEGINNING
OF SOMETHING MORE
AND WE ARE STANDING ON THE EDGE
OF ALL THAT WE’VE IMAGINEDIN LIVES BEFORE
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
MY FRIENDS THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR
IT’S NOT IMAGINATIONI SEE IT EVERYWHERE
A STATE IMPOSSIBLE TO FEIGNSUSPENDED ANIMATION
THIS HOPE THAT WE RETAIN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
DON’T BE AFRAID FOR USIT’SNOT TOO LATE FOR US
TO TAKE IT MAKE IT INTO
SOMETHING WE CAN SAVE US
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
Monday, July 24, 2006
Play the Blues
Music: Norah Jones- Come Away With Me album
Lazy afternoon, sitting here on a monday and gloomy thoughts flood me. It's the Carpenters theory, i tell ya. (Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters). As i sit here, half tired, half relaxed, i lose grip a little. And i start to think.
Don't mind me, sometimes gloominess is plain unreasonable and just needs to be said out. And i guess if i wanted to choose any of you out there to be my listening victim, i'd rather torture you all together, share the love yo?
Firstly, Nostalgia. Norah Jones marked the happiness and sadness of my recent past. Her tone, her words, just hits those spots in my brain, those feelings you call "love".
Secondly, Flu. Stupid virus is infectious before you're sick....smart bastard. This time i'm not gonna let it outsmart me. Last time i infected half my lab. Oops. I only realized it was me after i was well and returned to lab, only to find half the lab off on sick leave. That's one shitty feeling. I could never pass for a bioterrorist without eating myself out with remorse. Only problem is i have to miss my ONLY dance day of the week. Suckstobeme.
Thirdly, friend's msn nick read: And suddenly i become part of your past..... Too many times, too many memories. And it haunts me time and again.
Fourthly, hate this, but What's the use of honesty, when i still can't say what i really mean?
Fifthly, and pettyly, where's my holidays? f**k......
Sixthly, miss pav.
Seventhly, miss ppl.
Eighthly, housemate issues.
Ninthly, general feeling of underappreciation.
k enough. My feminine scale is hitting the roof.
"And as i sized down the mirror,
full-frontal drenched in mediocrity,
i saw the boy i am now,
the man i can become,
and the grouch i fear beckoning
on my back."
Yeah be strong.
Lazy afternoon, sitting here on a monday and gloomy thoughts flood me. It's the Carpenters theory, i tell ya. (Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters). As i sit here, half tired, half relaxed, i lose grip a little. And i start to think.
Don't mind me, sometimes gloominess is plain unreasonable and just needs to be said out. And i guess if i wanted to choose any of you out there to be my listening victim, i'd rather torture you all together, share the love yo?
Firstly, Nostalgia. Norah Jones marked the happiness and sadness of my recent past. Her tone, her words, just hits those spots in my brain, those feelings you call "love".
Secondly, Flu. Stupid virus is infectious before you're sick....smart bastard. This time i'm not gonna let it outsmart me. Last time i infected half my lab. Oops. I only realized it was me after i was well and returned to lab, only to find half the lab off on sick leave. That's one shitty feeling. I could never pass for a bioterrorist without eating myself out with remorse. Only problem is i have to miss my ONLY dance day of the week. Suckstobeme.
Thirdly, friend's msn nick read: And suddenly i become part of your past..... Too many times, too many memories. And it haunts me time and again.
Fourthly, hate this, but What's the use of honesty, when i still can't say what i really mean?
Fifthly, and pettyly, where's my holidays? f**k......
Sixthly, miss pav.
Seventhly, miss ppl.
Eighthly, housemate issues.
Ninthly, general feeling of underappreciation.
k enough. My feminine scale is hitting the roof.
"And as i sized down the mirror,
full-frontal drenched in mediocrity,
i saw the boy i am now,
the man i can become,
and the grouch i fear beckoning
on my back."
Yeah be strong.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Conquering the greatest silent assassin
AND while we are all raveling in our immense love of food and togetherness, of which i cannot be prouder to be a part of, i must pour some cold water.
BECAUSE AUSTRALIA HAS LAUNCHED A ANTI-DIABETES CAMPAIGN! TAKE THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE USA!
Did you know that Type 2 Diabetes is afflicting almost a million people in australia? Diabetes doesn't sound horrible, but it is the 7th leading cause of death here.
To me, this is great, because the two greatest diseases in the world ain't some Influenza H5N1 from certain wild ducks, or other nasty stuff like HIV, it's really just food. Malnutrition on one end, the Americans with their fat-dripping Mackers on the other.
and the risk factors?
-hereditary
-age
-smoking
-high blood pressure
-type of food
bitch slap me, but i'd suggest, to add to Am's list of Flarian food parties, a vegiesaurus night! i'll bring celery!
and of course, exercise. but then again, i AM exercising!... exercising my finger muscles in 26++ different positions, plus extra push-ups for my right index finger using the "left click" and also a great workout for my cillary, oblique and rectus muscles......... phew i'm tired already typing all these non-sense ;p
BECAUSE AUSTRALIA HAS LAUNCHED A ANTI-DIABETES CAMPAIGN! TAKE THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE USA!
Did you know that Type 2 Diabetes is afflicting almost a million people in australia? Diabetes doesn't sound horrible, but it is the 7th leading cause of death here.
To me, this is great, because the two greatest diseases in the world ain't some Influenza H5N1 from certain wild ducks, or other nasty stuff like HIV, it's really just food. Malnutrition on one end, the Americans with their fat-dripping Mackers on the other.
and the risk factors?
-hereditary
-age
-smoking
-high blood pressure
-type of food
bitch slap me, but i'd suggest, to add to Am's list of Flarian food parties, a vegiesaurus night! i'll bring celery!
and of course, exercise. but then again, i AM exercising!... exercising my finger muscles in 26++ different positions, plus extra push-ups for my right index finger using the "left click" and also a great workout for my cillary, oblique and rectus muscles......... phew i'm tired already typing all these non-sense ;p
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The Joy of Gluttony!
Oh sinful joy! oh wretched happiness!
at 1am i find inspiration to blog? great....
but can i really eat my way to contentment, to fulfilment and possibly to happiness? the way to a man's heart is his stomach? cannot be more true. love me, feed me. Please do. Oh sweet cherry laksa king....
somebody better bring me there quick. my weekend is about to be over in 2 days. heez.
This is the reason flare people are very happy people. No question. (just check out vinh's grin)
at 1am i find inspiration to blog? great....
but can i really eat my way to contentment, to fulfilment and possibly to happiness? the way to a man's heart is his stomach? cannot be more true. love me, feed me. Please do. Oh sweet cherry laksa king....
somebody better bring me there quick. my weekend is about to be over in 2 days. heez.
This is the reason flare people are very happy people. No question. (just check out vinh's grin)
Dig in everybody! yumyumyumyumyum mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
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