Today i felt odd. I slept too much. I was late. I was proven wrong. I faked a face. I ate alot of KFC. I met an old friend. I felt slightly uncomfortable with another. I cringed at my wound. I spoke to dad. I confessed stupidity. And right now, I feel like I am slowly not knowing my friends. With that follows not knowing myself.
Just for a while, i wish to not think.
But just for a while.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Accidental Date
it is funny. yes, ha-ha funny, not weirdo funny. LOL janice and me... can't believe it completely slipped my mind to call up all the biomed buddies for dinner. She put make-up and dressed up lor! omg. i'm a bitch. but anyhow ended up just the two of us. And it reminded me of the times we spent together honours-hunting at the end of third year. She is someone who remembers me and appreciates me as a friend, and will probably try to find me if i ever go back to malaysia...
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
i'm pretty touched. Bcos we never really hung out. And still today with our little "date", we managed (mostly she managed...i just sit and listen) to keep talking and having a very engaging friendly conversation, of which i learnt some things also.....for 2 hours. Amazing. I respect this friendship. And i respect her.
God bless Janice, you're a good soul. Good things will come your way.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Lady, where's my Tosai?
Heard this story from a fren, about indians on a Sg-Melb flight, asking for tosai and Miraaanda on a SQ flight.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Made me wonder, what's the most ridiculous thing you can ask from a flight attendant?
a) Her number
b) Hungry Jack's Whopper, without pickles (equivalent to tosai i guess :P)
c) Chopsticks
d) Can you turn back? i forgot to pack my heart. (derr this is you :P)
*faint*
I almost don't want to go back. Going back complicates life. But my family....how?
grr.
baking reportoire improved. Memory deproved. Need more than 24 hours in a day!!!!
Speaking of which, this week is the last week for me to get serious about doing something. I had better.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Ode to Derrick
All day on wednesday and thursday, Derrick lamented, "In these 2 years, we've carried out so many surprises, yet i have not yet received one :( " and "Wow, grace got a video thingy. It's so nice to get a video thingy"
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
HINT HINT.
So fine, we give it to him.
Friday night, gathered the sneaky flare of Me, Roz, Ning, Shar, Sher, Kel, Am, Grace, Ness, XY, Junni, Jules, Jo, Bud, Rani, Aaron (only white boy), Vee, Vinh (who was James Bond caught in the act), PZ my housemate and Jel who brought the big guest Derrick.
Everyone hid behind two walls, signalling to each other when to come out, while I tried to smart-talk Derrick and Ning pretended to look really comfortable. Then it was VINH! who poked his head through the door and whispered a confused "Er..Surprise?" and then the whole gang sprang SURPRISE!!! hilarious. Derrick's smug "I'm suspecting something" look was wiped, replaced with a "OMGWTFBBQ!!!"
Later we watched the videos from everyone, including retarded "Tell me why" by XY, Sher, Ning, Junni, and videos from Grace, TsihErn, Am, Kel, Me, Shar, the whole commitee gang includ Ness, Jo, Vee, Sulynn, Jules.
Derrick then gave a one hour speech to thank everybody, with some scandalous revelations and many funny interjections from the half-teary crowd.
Pizzas and kueh lapis and Jel's special "Derr's fav everthing rojak cake-mathingy" and canned fruits went around. And cherry tree was on the list of to-dos. Later, a very belated happy birthday for derrick and balloon popping, helium inhaling session of note-reading.
Next morning, a rude but pleasent (oxymoron) awakening followed by breakky with Jel and Derrick, later the journey to airport begins.
More teary speeches, and i-must-not-cry fronts, no-one left the airport without shedding a tear.
We miss you already, D-man.
The Boys. L to R: Aaron, Bud, Derrick, Joon, Kel, Rani. Absent: Vinh
The Ladies. L to R: front, Ness, Am, Shar, Derrick, Sher, Ning, back, Roz, Jojo, Junni, XY. Absent: Vee, Jules
Cherry Tree! Mass-clumping of human body parts.
Cherry Tree part 2!
Byebye to the corniest roommate of the year.
A short note of existence
Funny that i'm "free as a bird", i find myself occuppying all my time again. One word to describe my holiday: tight.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Again i'm reminded of how i'm trying to do too much. And the crazy thing is i still don't feel like i'm doing anything. I have listened to the streets, jazz and pop-ish rock guitar i hear. And i'm thinking: my guitar playing should be this good. at least i want it to be. After a bath, i examine my full-length reflection. I need more bulk. An old friend called me up, and i met a couple more in greco's. I need to see them.
Why are there so many things to do? Sometimes it no longer becomes a blessing when it is impossible to do. Then i start to disappoint. I start to worry without doing anything about it. And then i feel tired. And then more things get "not done".... vicious, this cycle.
People say i take on too many things. Yet as i see every individual thing to do, each are so important, necessary, and does not seem too much trouble. But collectively, i feel swallowed whole. But i don't deny that I over-burden myself. It is a conscious choice. I want to get that much out of life. But maybe i'm no longer living the life. It's like derrick saying he stops to smell the roses. I smelt real roses in bloom yesterday at LaTrobe street. And i remember not stopping. And then regretting it just one block down. Urgh.
While i sort myself out, i'll try to keep in mind what ann said to me, "its not how hard to work, its how much you get done." Productivity is the bottom line.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
The psychology of our daily lives
Words can be just words. But if the pen is mightier than the sword, then words definitely can be equally murderous.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Words are not just words. They are the vehicle of our inside thoughts, communicated to the outside world. Everything we think and feel can come out of our simple words. Even the sub-conscience carries through.
There are body languages, tonality, and patterns that can illustrate a underlying meaning, a deep connotation, a subtle hint, a change in the wind. And the choice of words will reflect circumstances, and the unsaid message that the person wants to communicate to you.
I've learnt that through reading the expressions, body language, tonality, and choice of words, that you needn't say much to be able to say everything. A skill i lacked badly before recent times.
It's purely God's gift to women. They have it inside them. I took such a long time, making mistakes to find out what mattered, studying the perplexing interactions women have with each other, how things 'happen' without anything actually happening at the level of the naked eye.
And still after all the effort, i remain an amatuer. Well, at least it's a testimony to my true manhood. In case anyone out there still doubted that.
Getting into trouble for ignoring my tonality is just stupid. Giving away my inner thoughts just means alot of explanation to do. It's like watching uncensored TV. Everyone gets to see the bad parts, and that spoils the whole show.
I also no longer enjoy the freedom of ignorance. Sometimes being blur is SO good. There's no hurt in blur-world. There is also no realization of hurt to the world beyond blur-world. Therein lies the fundamental flaw. Unless you just can't give two shits about other people in your life. Then this topic is just irrelevent, as is any talk of human interactions.
But now i find that as long as another human is within my sight, i will no longer be bored. I can sit there all day watching, breaking down the words and movements, every lil bit of info i can use to read further into that person's world and that person's possible influences in his/her life. It's cool. It's like a walking book.
I guess at the end of the day, it just proves that nobody is safe from your own true self. Whether or not you choose to show it or acknowledge it. The only best thing to do is to control it, understand it, improve it. Not cover it up with fancy things and emotional make-up.
I SEE YOU.
Friday, October 06, 2006
A long time coming.
Looking back in a turbulent and ever-changing year of my life, i've come to embrace many facades of myself, both good and bad. And i've come to terms with things that go on around me in my life, whereas in the past i am just oblivious to it.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Maybe it's called growing up.
It's me shedding abit of my innocence. A bit of naive-ness. And a bit of child.
Where i was talkative and carefree, i choose what to say and when.
Where i was afraid to speak, i muster the courage to do so.
Where i never said no, i'm hardly saying yes.
And then there's the regression, into a less disciplined, less caring person.
Where i was neat and particular, i'm now messy and unclean.
Where i could give more, i kept more to myself.
Where i could smile, i look away.
Where i asked for kindness, it's left unrepaid.
I'm still caught up in growing up. It'll never end. And i'll never die.
note to self: Repay all kindness owed after Thesis is done. everyone knows who you are, i hope i don't disappoint you.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Story of a girl
Relationships are bizarre.
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes being sucky at it at first. And you may not see the bright end of the tunnel anytime soon.
But it's there. And maybe i can find it soon.
And i find it amazing how, in this male-dominated world, women possess uncanny power to change men in incredible ways, to twist their world, flip it around, yet eventually, make it all feel just perfect.
How do you cry, without a tear in your eye?
How do you scream, without breaking the silence?
How do you smile, when sorrow fills the air?
How do you love, when people just don't care?
It's tough.
I reckon life is like ice cream.
a) If you just sit and admire it, you will never enjoy it.
b) You're running out of time while it melts away.
c) An ice cream buddy always makes it taste better.
d) you always want to try everything, but have to settle for the best one.
e) Appreciation usually happens at the first bite and when it's all done.
And you know what you say after a great ice cream night? ;p
Friday, September 08, 2006
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Snapshot of my life last week
Last week, Miss Uni Gig happened. Yeah i didn't really know what happened in that week, it just whizzed me by. All i remember is long tiring pracs and alot of "cream of the crop" women. zzz.
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Never actually experience being squeezed into a tiny unisex changing room with a horde of women representing the full spectrum of physical beauty.
Sounds good? think again...
Anyway, the flarians got squashed into the male toilet (with urinal), the freaking 15 of us! When i wasn't breathing down somebody's neck, someone was breathing down mine, literally. Plus, we had to eat in a nearby carpark. Damn dodgy! I felt like an illegal immigrant in some underground hideout. And all chinese somemore...
But the performance was smooth and good, and i must say i understood what Bud said about enjoying yourself while performing. Thanks to all the dancers, for supporting each other and having fun and mugging and suffering hunger together!
Best thing that night: Learning to Crump! from this dude, and watching K.O. crew break it...wow.
Some Photos... send me more please!
After most ppl evacuated. Hair curling In action! L2R: Suz, SuLynn, Diana (behind), Daphne
Me taking a lame mirror photo, capturing my cheesy Grease hair...
But i stood there in my house on Monday, and examined the damage i did to myself. It's a time of reckoning.
And the conclusions are mighty nasty.
Horror #1: I stood on the weighing scale in the morning after i pee, as usual, and OMG I LOST 0.5 POUNDS *&^$@#$% and i realized i have no food at home. Not even Mi Goreng. truly, in flarian spirit, depressing.
SO Jumbo put his Mr. Fix-It hat and went Coles central shopping! And i bought the best high-calorie food i could find:
Food Galore! Up&GO, Fruit on the GO, Yoghurt Topps, Multigrain bread, wasabe peas, and of course Milo malt.
Problem partially solved, as long i actually eat 'em...
Horror #2: Moving on, to my beautiful room, navigating through the Derrick's sea of clothes, finally reaching my own island of laundry...
So, i did laundry....except my dryer became the final resting place of my clean clothes....Mornings involve excavating underwear from the cave of Fischer-and-Paykel.
Well, all in a week's work.
Joon.
p.s. Damage control! i've cleared all laundry, and washed two more loads! yahoo!
Monday, September 04, 2006
My second new year resolution
Spring is the new year. So i don't care and i shall make new resolutions and change the ones i don't like (aka i can't achieve ;p).
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Like Kel, life is about learning to change, changing, learning to accept change. I'm learning to change, but still only beginning to accept change.
For example, what's with grumpy? i only let myself be. Sometimes happiness is not a cover-up of true sadness, but the upliftment from sadness. it's not forgetting sadness, it's destroying sadness. Pucker up and smile, boy.
Resolution of some years back, having to revise: please stop bitching about people and judging them. Like, who the hell am i?!?!
New resolution: Be time-efficient.
Newer resolution: Make sure i keep contact with friends. Especially the few close ones i will soon lose to distance. both in miles and in heart.
Everyone Kambate me!
i insist!
-j2daWin
p.s. i never really knew who reads my blog, till i see these ppl flooding my poor cute lil' chatbox. which, btw, is COOL (*pat on the back*...gd job ol' Mr. Tan). So spread the word yo!
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Chatterbox commands!
In my chatterbox, use these codes to make your message cool!
To create a link,
[url=http://www.demo.com]Homepage[/url]
Email link,
[email=me@demo.com]Email[/email]
Bold Text
[b]Text[/b]
Italics
[i]Text[/i]
Underlined,
[u]Text[/u]
Moving Text (left or right or alt)
[move left]Text[/move]
[move right]Text[/move]
[move alternate]Text[/move]
Highlight!
[mark]Text[/mark]
[glow]Text[/glow]
Annoying Flying Text
[fly left]Text[/fly]
[fly right]Text[/fly]
[fly up]Text[/fly]
[fly down]Text[/fly]
Blink blink!
[blink]Text[/blink]
wahahahaa
zzzzzz.
heehee
have fun!
To create a link,
[url=http://www.demo.com]Homepage[/url]
Email link,
[email=me@demo.com]Email[/email]
Bold Text
[b]Text[/b]
Italics
[i]Text[/i]
Underlined,
[u]Text[/u]
Moving Text (left or right or alt)
[move left]Text[/move]
[move right]Text[/move]
[move alternate]Text[/move]
Highlight!
[mark]Text[/mark]
[glow]Text[/glow]
Annoying Flying Text
[fly left]Text[/fly]
[fly right]Text[/fly]
[fly up]Text[/fly]
[fly down]Text[/fly]
Blink blink!
[blink]Text[/blink]
wahahahaa
zzzzzz.
heehee
have fun!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The Spring of September
Spring breathes life into all things.
Come September. My trying days are here. Take my lifeless body and manifest a stallion. Run the fields, trample the new-grown grass, and conquer the meadows in a sweep.
Spring brings life-giving waters, purifying winds, intoxicating fervor.
Infect me, O beloved bringer of the harvest, the new year awaits your touch, eager breasts inching, yearning, pleading.
And with the fairy-airy colourful nonsense aside, i need to put the plan of September into action.
Work. how do you do 5 months of work in 6 weeks? By starting with 3 months of work in 2 weeks. GO JUMBO!
I have a hunch i'm gonna have a speed lesson about what my professor preached:
"there are 3 days in a day. Each day is 8 hours long. You work 2 days, and take one day's leave (to sleep)." ..... -_-" powerful stuff...can't wait!!! -_-"""
Dance. Choreo Review is this week and i'm stil not sharp nor creative! urgh. i really need the time and will to improve my dance skills. I wanna see the day where i can step into a freestyle ring and actually do more than 2 moves!....
Priorities again and again and again. It's almost as bad as trying not to sleep in lectures. and positively harder than quitting coffee or instant noodles.
Friends Before i begin a path-of-no-return into lonely grumpy days without friends, i must admit how badly any friend can affect me, and how strong i can be about f**k-caring about anyone around me when i choose to. And so the balance is fragile. And i'm the idiot who will most definitely fail law school at this rate.. (law school, balance...get it?... nvm) So i better re-count my blessings again and remember the ones i forgot to count last time.
Future Need to find job, need to persue dream, need to know what dream is in the first place, need money to find dream, need to find job to earn money....this sounds like "the song that doesn't end". OK DON'T START. I SAID DON'T...sigh nvm... *sings along* Friends in uni studying fun fun stuff remind me of the days i loved science (esp Pharmacology). Maybe i'm just fed up of sitting around and waiting for miracles to happen. I currently do that literally. yes, i admit, i'm a WEIRDO.
Lousy attempt at poem
And again and again my path will begin
forever hold fast, i hope it will last,determination to push my imagination
of the inner workaholic who drinks hot horlicks.
Nights, love.
J2dawin
Come September. My trying days are here. Take my lifeless body and manifest a stallion. Run the fields, trample the new-grown grass, and conquer the meadows in a sweep.
Spring brings life-giving waters, purifying winds, intoxicating fervor.
Infect me, O beloved bringer of the harvest, the new year awaits your touch, eager breasts inching, yearning, pleading.
And with the fairy-airy colourful nonsense aside, i need to put the plan of September into action.
Work. how do you do 5 months of work in 6 weeks? By starting with 3 months of work in 2 weeks. GO JUMBO!
I have a hunch i'm gonna have a speed lesson about what my professor preached:
"there are 3 days in a day. Each day is 8 hours long. You work 2 days, and take one day's leave (to sleep)." ..... -_-" powerful stuff...can't wait!!! -_-"""
Dance. Choreo Review is this week and i'm stil not sharp nor creative! urgh. i really need the time and will to improve my dance skills. I wanna see the day where i can step into a freestyle ring and actually do more than 2 moves!....
Priorities again and again and again. It's almost as bad as trying not to sleep in lectures. and positively harder than quitting coffee or instant noodles.
Friends Before i begin a path-of-no-return into lonely grumpy days without friends, i must admit how badly any friend can affect me, and how strong i can be about f**k-caring about anyone around me when i choose to. And so the balance is fragile. And i'm the idiot who will most definitely fail law school at this rate.. (law school, balance...get it?... nvm) So i better re-count my blessings again and remember the ones i forgot to count last time.
Future Need to find job, need to persue dream, need to know what dream is in the first place, need money to find dream, need to find job to earn money....this sounds like "the song that doesn't end". OK DON'T START. I SAID DON'T...sigh nvm... *sings along* Friends in uni studying fun fun stuff remind me of the days i loved science (esp Pharmacology). Maybe i'm just fed up of sitting around and waiting for miracles to happen. I currently do that literally. yes, i admit, i'm a WEIRDO.
Lousy attempt at poem
And again and again my path will begin
forever hold fast, i hope it will last,determination to push my imagination
of the inner workaholic who drinks hot horlicks.
Nights, love.
J2dawin
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Appreciation and Seduction
I personally can't handle appreciation. I don't even like the word. It makes me edgy.
Appreciating #1: I'm generally stable, even if i'm snubbed or anything. Attitude can't touch me. But underappreciation hits me like a bullet. Why? It's an insecurity.
Appreciating #2: I've now learnt that i also can't show appreciation. I defended myself initially. But now i feel it's true.
The other realization: Kindness is the hardest thing to repay.
***
On another note, i've just read finished "The Game" by Neil Strauss... the one book Derrick and I have obssessed over. And to the end of the book, i realize two things:
One: I'm already a good PUA, difference being intention and actually looking for long-term connections with 'em. AMOGing, Social proofing, i've done it all before.
Two: Reading this book actually works up an ego. Like, after reading a couple of pages, I've just gone through a conversation so filled with my own testosterone that i could smell it, yet can't stop it. it's toxic and positively bad stuff.
wait, i'm realizing a third: Sometimes, it doesn't have to take effort to seduce. Sometimes, as Style himself says, it takes some real love to attract real relationships. Sarging is only a more elaborate and effective "hello".
Thoughtful saturday.
***
Shakedown 2006
I like this photo. L to R...top behind: Shar, Vinh. Middle: Am, Grace. Front: Ning, Xiaoyun, Kel.
Appreciating #1: I'm generally stable, even if i'm snubbed or anything. Attitude can't touch me. But underappreciation hits me like a bullet. Why? It's an insecurity.
Appreciating #2: I've now learnt that i also can't show appreciation. I defended myself initially. But now i feel it's true.
The other realization: Kindness is the hardest thing to repay.
***
On another note, i've just read finished "The Game" by Neil Strauss... the one book Derrick and I have obssessed over. And to the end of the book, i realize two things:
One: I'm already a good PUA, difference being intention and actually looking for long-term connections with 'em. AMOGing, Social proofing, i've done it all before.
Two: Reading this book actually works up an ego. Like, after reading a couple of pages, I've just gone through a conversation so filled with my own testosterone that i could smell it, yet can't stop it. it's toxic and positively bad stuff.
wait, i'm realizing a third: Sometimes, it doesn't have to take effort to seduce. Sometimes, as Style himself says, it takes some real love to attract real relationships. Sarging is only a more elaborate and effective "hello".
Thoughtful saturday.
***
Shakedown 2006
I like this photo. L to R...top behind: Shar, Vinh. Middle: Am, Grace. Front: Ning, Xiaoyun, Kel.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Kindness came the other way
This blog entry has no other meaning other than to express my huge gratitude to Sou (who doesn't read this blog) and how much it means to me.
And the fact of the matter is, i haven't done anything for her.
who can say i've deserved it? i really wonder. But maybe, as the title goes, kindness comes around, in this big circle of life we all will never understand, and can only believe in it with heart and faith.
Today i believe.
And the fact of the matter is, i haven't done anything for her.
who can say i've deserved it? i really wonder. But maybe, as the title goes, kindness comes around, in this big circle of life we all will never understand, and can only believe in it with heart and faith.
Today i believe.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Who is Joon?
Man, camp was good. Team 6 named ourselves "Who is Joon?" after a corny remark by yours truly sparked creative juices in shar's and ning's head. and of course, beatrice with her wagamama to spice it up a little. Too bad we didn't video our cheer, but i suspect we'll do it once re-united!
pictures will be up once i get it, but for now, some of my own.
the beautiful sunset of Healsville, peaking out of the clouds with distinct rays. Like out of heaven. This was taken Friday evening in Suzzane's car.
The blind mice of team WHOISJOON basking in the glory of victory. L2R: Shar, Ning, Beatrice
Team WHOISJOON going for gold! Balloon challenge L2R: Rani, Shar, Me, Ning, Winnie, Jules, Aaron's leg, Suz our boss. (p.s. it's not what it looks like. we're innocent!)
ok i admit, this game is a contact sport. but, hell, all was worth it, and the prize....
Hohoho i promised Beatrice we'll win it back. And we DID!
love you all!
send me pics, guys!...and i'll send you mine too!
pictures will be up once i get it, but for now, some of my own.
the beautiful sunset of Healsville, peaking out of the clouds with distinct rays. Like out of heaven. This was taken Friday evening in Suzzane's car.
The blind mice of team WHOISJOON basking in the glory of victory. L2R: Shar, Ning, Beatrice
Team WHOISJOON going for gold! Balloon challenge L2R: Rani, Shar, Me, Ning, Winnie, Jules, Aaron's leg, Suz our boss. (p.s. it's not what it looks like. we're innocent!)
ok i admit, this game is a contact sport. but, hell, all was worth it, and the prize....
Hohoho i promised Beatrice we'll win it back. And we DID!
love you all!
send me pics, guys!...and i'll send you mine too!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
My new pet-song artist Terra Naomi
CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD
TODAY IS A VERY SPECIAL DAY
IT FEELS LIKE THE BEGINNING
OF SOMETHING MORE
AND WE ARE STANDING ON THE EDGE
OF ALL THAT WE’VE IMAGINEDIN LIVES BEFORE
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
MY FRIENDS THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE AIR
IT’S NOT IMAGINATIONI SEE IT EVERYWHERE
A STATE IMPOSSIBLE TO FEIGNSUSPENDED ANIMATION
THIS HOPE THAT WE RETAIN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
DON’T BE AFRAID FOR USIT’SNOT TOO LATE FOR US
TO TAKE IT MAKE IT INTO
SOMETHING WE CAN SAVE US
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGICAL TIMES THAT WE LIVE IN
KEEP IT UP THE STARS ARE CLOSE TO YOUR HEAD NOW
IT’S MAGIC I TELL YOU IT’S HAPPENING
Monday, July 24, 2006
Play the Blues
Music: Norah Jones- Come Away With Me album
Lazy afternoon, sitting here on a monday and gloomy thoughts flood me. It's the Carpenters theory, i tell ya. (Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters). As i sit here, half tired, half relaxed, i lose grip a little. And i start to think.
Don't mind me, sometimes gloominess is plain unreasonable and just needs to be said out. And i guess if i wanted to choose any of you out there to be my listening victim, i'd rather torture you all together, share the love yo?
Firstly, Nostalgia. Norah Jones marked the happiness and sadness of my recent past. Her tone, her words, just hits those spots in my brain, those feelings you call "love".
Secondly, Flu. Stupid virus is infectious before you're sick....smart bastard. This time i'm not gonna let it outsmart me. Last time i infected half my lab. Oops. I only realized it was me after i was well and returned to lab, only to find half the lab off on sick leave. That's one shitty feeling. I could never pass for a bioterrorist without eating myself out with remorse. Only problem is i have to miss my ONLY dance day of the week. Suckstobeme.
Thirdly, friend's msn nick read: And suddenly i become part of your past..... Too many times, too many memories. And it haunts me time and again.
Fourthly, hate this, but What's the use of honesty, when i still can't say what i really mean?
Fifthly, and pettyly, where's my holidays? f**k......
Sixthly, miss pav.
Seventhly, miss ppl.
Eighthly, housemate issues.
Ninthly, general feeling of underappreciation.
k enough. My feminine scale is hitting the roof.
"And as i sized down the mirror,
full-frontal drenched in mediocrity,
i saw the boy i am now,
the man i can become,
and the grouch i fear beckoning
on my back."
Yeah be strong.
Lazy afternoon, sitting here on a monday and gloomy thoughts flood me. It's the Carpenters theory, i tell ya. (Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters). As i sit here, half tired, half relaxed, i lose grip a little. And i start to think.
Don't mind me, sometimes gloominess is plain unreasonable and just needs to be said out. And i guess if i wanted to choose any of you out there to be my listening victim, i'd rather torture you all together, share the love yo?
Firstly, Nostalgia. Norah Jones marked the happiness and sadness of my recent past. Her tone, her words, just hits those spots in my brain, those feelings you call "love".
Secondly, Flu. Stupid virus is infectious before you're sick....smart bastard. This time i'm not gonna let it outsmart me. Last time i infected half my lab. Oops. I only realized it was me after i was well and returned to lab, only to find half the lab off on sick leave. That's one shitty feeling. I could never pass for a bioterrorist without eating myself out with remorse. Only problem is i have to miss my ONLY dance day of the week. Suckstobeme.
Thirdly, friend's msn nick read: And suddenly i become part of your past..... Too many times, too many memories. And it haunts me time and again.
Fourthly, hate this, but What's the use of honesty, when i still can't say what i really mean?
Fifthly, and pettyly, where's my holidays? f**k......
Sixthly, miss pav.
Seventhly, miss ppl.
Eighthly, housemate issues.
Ninthly, general feeling of underappreciation.
k enough. My feminine scale is hitting the roof.
"And as i sized down the mirror,
full-frontal drenched in mediocrity,
i saw the boy i am now,
the man i can become,
and the grouch i fear beckoning
on my back."
Yeah be strong.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Conquering the greatest silent assassin
AND while we are all raveling in our immense love of food and togetherness, of which i cannot be prouder to be a part of, i must pour some cold water.
BECAUSE AUSTRALIA HAS LAUNCHED A ANTI-DIABETES CAMPAIGN! TAKE THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE USA!
Did you know that Type 2 Diabetes is afflicting almost a million people in australia? Diabetes doesn't sound horrible, but it is the 7th leading cause of death here.
To me, this is great, because the two greatest diseases in the world ain't some Influenza H5N1 from certain wild ducks, or other nasty stuff like HIV, it's really just food. Malnutrition on one end, the Americans with their fat-dripping Mackers on the other.
and the risk factors?
-hereditary
-age
-smoking
-high blood pressure
-type of food
bitch slap me, but i'd suggest, to add to Am's list of Flarian food parties, a vegiesaurus night! i'll bring celery!
and of course, exercise. but then again, i AM exercising!... exercising my finger muscles in 26++ different positions, plus extra push-ups for my right index finger using the "left click" and also a great workout for my cillary, oblique and rectus muscles......... phew i'm tired already typing all these non-sense ;p
BECAUSE AUSTRALIA HAS LAUNCHED A ANTI-DIABETES CAMPAIGN! TAKE THAT OVERWEIGHT AND OBESE USA!
Did you know that Type 2 Diabetes is afflicting almost a million people in australia? Diabetes doesn't sound horrible, but it is the 7th leading cause of death here.
To me, this is great, because the two greatest diseases in the world ain't some Influenza H5N1 from certain wild ducks, or other nasty stuff like HIV, it's really just food. Malnutrition on one end, the Americans with their fat-dripping Mackers on the other.
and the risk factors?
-hereditary
-age
-smoking
-high blood pressure
-type of food
bitch slap me, but i'd suggest, to add to Am's list of Flarian food parties, a vegiesaurus night! i'll bring celery!
and of course, exercise. but then again, i AM exercising!... exercising my finger muscles in 26++ different positions, plus extra push-ups for my right index finger using the "left click" and also a great workout for my cillary, oblique and rectus muscles......... phew i'm tired already typing all these non-sense ;p
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The Joy of Gluttony!
Oh sinful joy! oh wretched happiness!
at 1am i find inspiration to blog? great....
but can i really eat my way to contentment, to fulfilment and possibly to happiness? the way to a man's heart is his stomach? cannot be more true. love me, feed me. Please do. Oh sweet cherry laksa king....
somebody better bring me there quick. my weekend is about to be over in 2 days. heez.
This is the reason flare people are very happy people. No question. (just check out vinh's grin)
at 1am i find inspiration to blog? great....
but can i really eat my way to contentment, to fulfilment and possibly to happiness? the way to a man's heart is his stomach? cannot be more true. love me, feed me. Please do. Oh sweet cherry laksa king....
somebody better bring me there quick. my weekend is about to be over in 2 days. heez.
This is the reason flare people are very happy people. No question. (just check out vinh's grin)
Dig in everybody! yumyumyumyumyum mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Case Study:Ancylostoma canium
Poor pav is the inspiration behind my recollection on parasites lectures. This time it's not human tho, and it is Ancylostoma canium, a.k.a. doggie hookworm.
It's called hookworm cos it has 2 hooks at its mouth and uses it to latch onto the intestinal wall of the dog. It sucks blood and its eggs come out in the poo. Although in the case of Pav the worm itself comes out. and hangs around the hair near her bum. Any suggestions if it's a different worm? any the way, it's scary piece of shit, but it's most likely not infectious to humans, although it may burrow into the skin and cause a minor lesion.
Yesterday i just realized there are many many MANY dead hookworms in my carpet. I'm truly disgusted and freaked out.
Went down to vic market pet shop (thanks ning!) and got her some medicine which pav seemed to enjoy. but she refused to eat after that. Next morning she was fine tho, and her poo so far is not watery, nor is it bloody. Hope she gets well soon. And she's getting cheeky. Running away from me when i wanna scold her! wth. i feel like i'm my mom 10 years ago chasing me around the house with the cane lolz it's karma i guess.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Dog-gone Days
Oh where oh where can my baby be? The lord turned her into a pu-ppy...
lame shit... but i think me and Pav, she's starting to understand english. either that or i'm going crazy. Either way, she's getting more street smart. Yesterday she peed on carpet again, but i saw drips leading to the newspaper area.... is it just a case of "AIYAH I CANNOT TAHAN LIAO!!" hmmmmmmm???? really hope she's learning. Tula's been better at reading her motions tho. She managed to carry her to the newspaper exactly when she wanted to pee AND shit. wow *clap clap* i suck :( toilet paper is now precious commodity in the house, and newspaper a serious deficit. I'm collecting MX off the seats of trains after everyone leaves la....like some rubbish man zzz
Took Pav for a walk in the park on Sunday. She's such a girl magnet. It's a freaking girl magnet?! every guy needs a cute puppy on a pink lease! sounds gay, but hey, gay guys always have hot gal friends. oh man *droolz* Never had that many random chicks INITIATING conversation with me! A freaking dog is better at girls than i am zzzzzzzzz
ANY the way, i bathed her that night. She shrunk into half the size! and then got bigger after her blow-dry session. wow. it's like getting a perm. AFRO DOG!
Having Pav really trys me, tires me, worries me, but has never made me feel more wanted. Kinda wat i really need right now. :)
lame shit... but i think me and Pav, she's starting to understand english. either that or i'm going crazy. Either way, she's getting more street smart. Yesterday she peed on carpet again, but i saw drips leading to the newspaper area.... is it just a case of "AIYAH I CANNOT TAHAN LIAO!!" hmmmmmmm???? really hope she's learning. Tula's been better at reading her motions tho. She managed to carry her to the newspaper exactly when she wanted to pee AND shit. wow *clap clap* i suck :( toilet paper is now precious commodity in the house, and newspaper a serious deficit. I'm collecting MX off the seats of trains after everyone leaves la....like some rubbish man zzz
Took Pav for a walk in the park on Sunday. She's such a girl magnet. It's a freaking girl magnet?! every guy needs a cute puppy on a pink lease! sounds gay, but hey, gay guys always have hot gal friends. oh man *droolz* Never had that many random chicks INITIATING conversation with me! A freaking dog is better at girls than i am zzzzzzzzz
ANY the way, i bathed her that night. She shrunk into half the size! and then got bigger after her blow-dry session. wow. it's like getting a perm. AFRO DOG!
Having Pav really trys me, tires me, worries me, but has never made me feel more wanted. Kinda wat i really need right now. :)
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Panic-driven Rants
I realized that from the time i pick up the rat until i finished anaesthetizing it, i don't breathe. I hold my breath until my face turns red and hot. Panic attack sia. And still people think i can hold my nerve, especially the last time the sick rat bit me so hard i thought i was gonna break a finger. and i still held on to it. But today the stupid rat tried to run and i lost grip. Plop onto the floor..... didn't lose a limb luckily, but made both him and me edgy.
Speaking of nerves, Pav is really a test of patience. Day one, i shouted at her until my voice turned hoarse. Cos she peed like 4-5 times on carpet, and shit on carpet too....omg. But today (day 2) she was good, pee on newspaper and shit on newspaper too. Except this morning....i woke up and she was beside me at the bed....pick her up and sleep in bed for 5 min...then i went to pee. and she went to pee too. except i walked from bed to toilet. She walked from bed to carpet beside bed. sianz. made me run like hell for train. and i mean like hell, together with illegal crossing of flinders st (which has heavy traffic at freaking 6.30am in the morning). Almost died, twice, the second time while seating in the train with my heart about to burst pumping. I finish one roll of toilet paper in one day cleaning pee.
But it's still a joy to have pav here. finally a pet that interacts. haha. but don't get me wrong, i still love fish and hamsters and terapins and all the weird insect nonsense pets.... including bright blue tarantulas and black scorpions caught from the jungle behind my house. Exotic wink wink. And every fish that died i remember burying it with a tomb, plus family prayers for the mistreated one.
I wanna play ball. I wanna play badminton. I wanna play tennis. And i don't wanna pay. bleh. 9to5 sucks bad, esp when the sun don't last past 5.15pm.
Can't wait till potluck day. Will try jel's cake, which i so totally lusted over, even tho i'm not a sweet tooth.
One question: WHERE CAN I BUY BANANAS? freak. 11.98 a kg at safeway i'd rather buy durian....hmm anyone dare to try durian bread pudding muahaha.
right now, i just want a good weekend. Which i'm not gonna get. zzz. stupid experiment blues.
Speaking of nerves, Pav is really a test of patience. Day one, i shouted at her until my voice turned hoarse. Cos she peed like 4-5 times on carpet, and shit on carpet too....omg. But today (day 2) she was good, pee on newspaper and shit on newspaper too. Except this morning....i woke up and she was beside me at the bed....pick her up and sleep in bed for 5 min...then i went to pee. and she went to pee too. except i walked from bed to toilet. She walked from bed to carpet beside bed. sianz. made me run like hell for train. and i mean like hell, together with illegal crossing of flinders st (which has heavy traffic at freaking 6.30am in the morning). Almost died, twice, the second time while seating in the train with my heart about to burst pumping. I finish one roll of toilet paper in one day cleaning pee.
But it's still a joy to have pav here. finally a pet that interacts. haha. but don't get me wrong, i still love fish and hamsters and terapins and all the weird insect nonsense pets.... including bright blue tarantulas and black scorpions caught from the jungle behind my house. Exotic wink wink. And every fish that died i remember burying it with a tomb, plus family prayers for the mistreated one.
I wanna play ball. I wanna play badminton. I wanna play tennis. And i don't wanna pay. bleh. 9to5 sucks bad, esp when the sun don't last past 5.15pm.
Can't wait till potluck day. Will try jel's cake, which i so totally lusted over, even tho i'm not a sweet tooth.
One question: WHERE CAN I BUY BANANAS? freak. 11.98 a kg at safeway i'd rather buy durian....hmm anyone dare to try durian bread pudding muahaha.
right now, i just want a good weekend. Which i'm not gonna get. zzz. stupid experiment blues.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Progress Report June 2006
Oh man this is shit. I've been late late late late LATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
freaking cannot wake up in the morning...i'm totally immune to my alarm clock now, even when i put it under my chest so that the vibration can 'shake' me.....dammit.
But i'm glad to be busy these days. Really really spending my energy on work...it tests me.
I'm like the biggest pirate now in my personal history, with x-men evo and spiderman season 1-5 coming up soon!!! woohoo! and i want a new PC. anybody care to rant to me about many many technical shit about the best budget config?
Shopping soon, wanna get a beanie.
Suddenly there's this surge in my life, that feeling to wash away all the gloominess before, and make you slap yourself in the face for even thinking one second that life is shit, that i'm alone and/or lonely. thanks everybody, lil words and acts make big differences.
More update soon, i think. ;p
freaking cannot wake up in the morning...i'm totally immune to my alarm clock now, even when i put it under my chest so that the vibration can 'shake' me.....dammit.
But i'm glad to be busy these days. Really really spending my energy on work...it tests me.
I'm like the biggest pirate now in my personal history, with x-men evo and spiderman season 1-5 coming up soon!!! woohoo! and i want a new PC. anybody care to rant to me about many many technical shit about the best budget config?
Shopping soon, wanna get a beanie.
Suddenly there's this surge in my life, that feeling to wash away all the gloominess before, and make you slap yourself in the face for even thinking one second that life is shit, that i'm alone and/or lonely. thanks everybody, lil words and acts make big differences.
More update soon, i think. ;p
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Proving Me Wrong
The goals i set for May 2006 are almost complete. My diary is full, I'm 50% less late, and when i'm late the "late time" is less, i'm keeping my wallet in check, and i'm doing things more regularly. and i attended dance!
This month is to piss less people off. and keep my jaw from falling into my soup. and try to burn weimou a couple more times than usual, and try to not panic when pk jumps in front of me. Eat more? learn more recipes ;) esp western stuff. And to sort out money stuff. and dance.
I also need to feel less frightened when i'm in my own home, in front of my computer, downloading p2p. i have nightmares of police busting my doors. oh god.
It's time to prove me wrong, that it's never too late to change. for the better of course.
thanks sher and ann.
Will appreciate all the help i get in this :)
This month is to piss less people off. and keep my jaw from falling into my soup. and try to burn weimou a couple more times than usual, and try to not panic when pk jumps in front of me. Eat more? learn more recipes ;) esp western stuff. And to sort out money stuff. and dance.
I also need to feel less frightened when i'm in my own home, in front of my computer, downloading p2p. i have nightmares of police busting my doors. oh god.
It's time to prove me wrong, that it's never too late to change. for the better of course.
thanks sher and ann.
Will appreciate all the help i get in this :)
Monday, May 22, 2006
Train station Jazz
I saw your face, in that crowded place,
And i don't know what to do,
cos i'll never be with you.
-James Blunt "Beautiful"-
morning. and i saw her. twist of fate, cruel, funny and interesting all in one twister wrap.
and songs rushing in my head. rushing rushing Bic Runga rushing rushing, something to do with subways and a special girl, rushing rushing oh yeah his name is James Blunt, staring staring into nothing nothing. Bic Runga again. and i smiled.
Maybe i should just count my blessings. And also get street-smart. At least i can look back time and again and never regret not trying.
Suddenly i have this urge to run to the ocean and scream, in ecstacy, in despair, in vain. And smile after that.
I guess we all need one of those, in one of those moments.
And i don't know what to do,
cos i'll never be with you.
-James Blunt "Beautiful"-
morning. and i saw her. twist of fate, cruel, funny and interesting all in one twister wrap.
and songs rushing in my head. rushing rushing Bic Runga rushing rushing, something to do with subways and a special girl, rushing rushing oh yeah his name is James Blunt, staring staring into nothing nothing. Bic Runga again. and i smiled.
Maybe i should just count my blessings. And also get street-smart. At least i can look back time and again and never regret not trying.
Suddenly i have this urge to run to the ocean and scream, in ecstacy, in despair, in vain. And smile after that.
I guess we all need one of those, in one of those moments.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
If Only
If only i was as free as him.
if only i had fun like him.
if only exams were history, like for him.
if only i could be him, and lead his life.
if only you were me, then you'll see, you'll see.
I need to see through myself.
and so does everyone.
if only i had fun like him.
if only exams were history, like for him.
if only i could be him, and lead his life.
if only you were me, then you'll see, you'll see.
I need to see through myself.
and so does everyone.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Trying too hard.
Verses, Proses, my mind is singing,
through crowds foreign, i light a grin.
No end to where i'm going,
to and from the beginning.
Yet paths of legends walk astray
but find their way over again.
To dream, to sing, to fly away.
i catch a star along the way.
To give, to take, a love to share,
a heart to melt, my mind doth tear.
For what is meant to be will be,
my voice leads me to hills a-free.
~3.54am~
through crowds foreign, i light a grin.
No end to where i'm going,
to and from the beginning.
Yet paths of legends walk astray
but find their way over again.
To dream, to sing, to fly away.
i catch a star along the way.
To give, to take, a love to share,
a heart to melt, my mind doth tear.
For what is meant to be will be,
my voice leads me to hills a-free.
~3.54am~
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Housewarming of Flinders Mansion
Yup this is Waaaay overdue, both this post and the housewarming of our lovely new address at Flinders st. Love the location, love the kitchen, hate the noise, but hey, nothing's perfect. Except these beauty queens.------->
So, anyway, the turnout was great, had apologies from important people.
Theme, as you can see, was Gu Dai Shi Jie....
I guess it was hard, but fun as well.
Bravo to all me ladies for turning out in lovely china-china things....hahaha and sorry it was cold...don't blame me
.So Me and Derrick spent a whole week trying to clear all the mess out before it was decently presentable to invite anyone. Especially Friday, the whole day was pretty hellish. But, after turning our bedroom into a nuclear test site, the living room finally looked decent :)
Thanks to all you peeps for coming, cooking, humoring, and entertaining yourselves, thanks DJ HockSeng for the music, and thanks Derr for the very china things we wore. And sorry that some of you saw little of me, it was a little hard to juggle 30 guests, a table full of food, and a sink full of dishes. I'm sure you all will understand. And a bigger thank you for people who sacrificed something to come, like having to hurry from airport, braving the cold to donn the cheong-sam, spending so much time to make food, coming when y
ou have better things to do....THANK YOU.ok enough of the boring shit. Wanna re-cap how many moles and where they are on good ol' Derr? haha....Or what my numerous fetishes are (that was NOT a real question btw).....
okok don't freak out on me.
Lots of love, yo.
Best part, our place is still the same state. (thank god) yay!
p.s. leaving you with a pic of stunning Melbourne sunset from Mt Dandenong!
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Tourist Destination no.1
You'd never guess it.
Yesterday was night market. And wonderful and crazy things happened.
Never thought i'd trust anyone with my car. If i had one. But it seems karma is different. It's telling me "Share your goddamn car! in future, that is." haha I've learnt one thing: don't judge a person before you even know him. I'm pretty proud to say the Uncle from Chili Padi is a COOL DUDE! that's right, free advertising to the nice the good men out there. He let us use his nice CR-V sport for the day. and guess who drove?...no Guess! no, wrong. no, wrong again. it's me. dumbass.
Anyway, hahamuahaha i still can't get over driving. and almost backing into a van (OOPS). if anyone tells uncle this, i'll strangle you till your lifeless body dangles from the 5th floor of 166 Flinders St.
So life's like that, unpredictable at best, but where's the fun in monotony anyway?
like a friend said, if bad (or strange, for that matter) things didn't happen, we wouldn't have stories to tell, and we would be boring grandparents, and we don't want that do we? all the nursing-home blues and wandering-the-streets days.... (ok i made the last bit up)
Sometimes bad things are even good for your soul. It's like a road trip. You hit a kangaroo, you laugh it off. Your car swerves dangerously while a trailer overtakes you, and you try to laugh it off. You realize you're not driving TO anywhere, but rather you're driving AWAY from your destination, your purpose. Can't laugh at that one. Gotta cry it off your chest. But in the end of all things, even roads don't last forever, and you gotta do a U and come back to reality. Except this time you make sure you keep some of that good kangaroo steak (it sells for 26bucks per 200g, trust me, just ask the "Hard to get" crew), and you stick your middle finger at the asshole trailer while he's not looking, and you remember your break is over, but your life is not. And you go back and make the world better, so your grandkids can say what an awesome grandad or grandmom (i'm trying to be politically correct) you are. That's that. And maybe, the next time you need a road trip, my number is 0411028588. If i'm dead, bring me in your trunk anyway, you never know when you need a good bone in the car. (OMG did i just say that?? yes i did *grinz* )
Unlike most people say, friends do come and go. Better grab them before they vanish. grab where, depends on your want of a good ol slap.
Over and Out.
Yesterday was night market. And wonderful and crazy things happened.
Never thought i'd trust anyone with my car. If i had one. But it seems karma is different. It's telling me "Share your goddamn car! in future, that is." haha I've learnt one thing: don't judge a person before you even know him. I'm pretty proud to say the Uncle from Chili Padi is a COOL DUDE! that's right, free advertising to the nice the good men out there. He let us use his nice CR-V sport for the day. and guess who drove?...no Guess! no, wrong. no, wrong again. it's me. dumbass.
Anyway, hahamuahaha i still can't get over driving. and almost backing into a van (OOPS). if anyone tells uncle this, i'll strangle you till your lifeless body dangles from the 5th floor of 166 Flinders St.
So life's like that, unpredictable at best, but where's the fun in monotony anyway?
like a friend said, if bad (or strange, for that matter) things didn't happen, we wouldn't have stories to tell, and we would be boring grandparents, and we don't want that do we? all the nursing-home blues and wandering-the-streets days.... (ok i made the last bit up)
Sometimes bad things are even good for your soul. It's like a road trip. You hit a kangaroo, you laugh it off. Your car swerves dangerously while a trailer overtakes you, and you try to laugh it off. You realize you're not driving TO anywhere, but rather you're driving AWAY from your destination, your purpose. Can't laugh at that one. Gotta cry it off your chest. But in the end of all things, even roads don't last forever, and you gotta do a U and come back to reality. Except this time you make sure you keep some of that good kangaroo steak (it sells for 26bucks per 200g, trust me, just ask the "Hard to get" crew), and you stick your middle finger at the asshole trailer while he's not looking, and you remember your break is over, but your life is not. And you go back and make the world better, so your grandkids can say what an awesome grandad or grandmom (i'm trying to be politically correct) you are. That's that. And maybe, the next time you need a road trip, my number is 0411028588. If i'm dead, bring me in your trunk anyway, you never know when you need a good bone in the car. (OMG did i just say that?? yes i did *grinz* )
Unlike most people say, friends do come and go. Better grab them before they vanish. grab where, depends on your want of a good ol slap.
Over and Out.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Toosh Koosh Bush *Doosh*
Toosh is the wind
that carries my thoughts
Gone in a toosh,
gone with my thoughts.
They leave a trace,
as defined as breadcrumbs.
I search with grace,
still i feel so dumb.
I think a moment,
for a better answer,
while the image of dinner
fades to a colourful blur.
It's hard to believe
that i actually speak english
when vegetable is a 4-syllable
and fiss is a water creature.
Einstein was right on key
when he spoke of stupidity
and i will stop this rhyme
and the torture of your eye.
good bye.
;P this happens when i'm bored.
that carries my thoughts
Gone in a toosh,
gone with my thoughts.
They leave a trace,
as defined as breadcrumbs.
I search with grace,
still i feel so dumb.
I think a moment,
for a better answer,
while the image of dinner
fades to a colourful blur.
It's hard to believe
that i actually speak english
when vegetable is a 4-syllable
and fiss is a water creature.
Einstein was right on key
when he spoke of stupidity
and i will stop this rhyme
and the torture of your eye.
good bye.
;P this happens when i'm bored.
Monday, February 20, 2006
It's Just a Feeling
I'm Speechless. And the great talkative, full of BS "J to the Win" is for once, utterly speechless. With every email, sms, call, hug, cake, every second spent with me not dota-ing, not studying for a monday exam, baking, cooking, waking up at freaking 9.30am, I am drawn further into jaw-dropping, eye-popping, heart-throbbing speechlessness.
My greatest thanks to all you peeps, I LOVE YOU. freak that's gay, but i had to say it. There you have it. My closet-opener.
My Family.
MouMou, Ann(i wan the brownies), Siying(gd luck!), Elv, PK, WP, Eug, CS, Syl(sorry!), Ling, Eric, Ryan, Kim.
Derrick, Jel, Hendry, Ning, Grace, Shar, Ness, Leonard, Kel, Am, Cindy, Vinh, Prisc, Junni.
Michelle, Ailin & Bobo, Bohan, Chris Wong, Runxuan, Seng, Zheshien, SernKia, even from Mark.
Who else did i not remember? Memory lapse here.
I was surprised. For the Guitar, Boobies, nano, cake, card, le tour de Melbourne, the Super Surprise, the delicious breakky, the more delicious scones, L'oreal, Doraemon, the Electric Mixer, Jamie Oliver, the note, the sms-es, the call, THANK YOU.
I'm don't like S & M, i don't have fake boobs (they are real), dolphins ain't my type, the waitress wasn't that cute anyway, and i'm not sad, not anymore, and promise not to be for a long time.
More starry than the all star weekend was that my weekend is unforgettable. And i did everything i wanted to. and somehow, got everything i wished for.
I shall try to soak up all this and hopefully translate my gratefulness. Pictures next!
My greatest thanks to all you peeps, I LOVE YOU. freak that's gay, but i had to say it. There you have it. My closet-opener.
My Family.
MouMou, Ann(i wan the brownies), Siying(gd luck!), Elv, PK, WP, Eug, CS, Syl(sorry!), Ling, Eric, Ryan, Kim.
Derrick, Jel, Hendry, Ning, Grace, Shar, Ness, Leonard, Kel, Am, Cindy, Vinh, Prisc, Junni.
Michelle, Ailin & Bobo, Bohan, Chris Wong, Runxuan, Seng, Zheshien, SernKia, even from Mark.
Who else did i not remember? Memory lapse here.
I was surprised. For the Guitar, Boobies, nano, cake, card, le tour de Melbourne, the Super Surprise, the delicious breakky, the more delicious scones, L'oreal, Doraemon, the Electric Mixer, Jamie Oliver, the note, the sms-es, the call, THANK YOU.
I'm don't like S & M, i don't have fake boobs (they are real), dolphins ain't my type, the waitress wasn't that cute anyway, and i'm not sad, not anymore, and promise not to be for a long time.
More starry than the all star weekend was that my weekend is unforgettable. And i did everything i wanted to. and somehow, got everything i wished for.
I shall try to soak up all this and hopefully translate my gratefulness. Pictures next!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
More thoughts on a rainy morning.
Good things are only appreciable when you've got bad things to compare them to, isn't it?
I remember a quote off my postcard-decorated wardrobe door, which i love so much.
"I, the lyrics, need you, the melody, to give life to the music"
In the same way, good things are only good when you've got someone to appreciate them.
I remember a quote off my postcard-decorated wardrobe door, which i love so much.
"I, the lyrics, need you, the melody, to give life to the music"
In the same way, good things are only good when you've got someone to appreciate them.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Thinking about My Life.
Someone once told me that i was different to other people. Somehow within me, i carried purpose, and i walked foward, never looking back for too long. I inspired, i lead.
That was more than a year ago. I knew that Joon Win. I liked him. Things change. So do people. Some reluctantly, some happily.
So it can be expected that I changed.
'Purpose' used to mean the things i do today that makes a difference tomorrow, the year after, the century after, it was all the same. That drive, that passion, that fulfillment. I lived it. I loved it. It made me smile, no matter what.
'Purpose' now means what's for dinner.
'Dreams' used to mean ambition, hope, happiness, family, love, unity.
'Dreams' now means I slept very well.
'Change' used to always be better. Old trees die, but the spring brings new life every year.
'Change' is now a burden. A getting-used-to again.
But i also know, Now is not Forever. Neither am I.
Tomorrow is just a list of to-dos and other formalities.
Today is the touch of love.
Today is the breath of fresh air.
Today is fulfillment. Today is happiness.
Only today. only today.
Let us start Today. Let us live today.
Let us love today.
May the summer breeze waft change in my life, and let me see the best Me that can be.
God be my strength.
That was more than a year ago. I knew that Joon Win. I liked him. Things change. So do people. Some reluctantly, some happily.
So it can be expected that I changed.
'Purpose' used to mean the things i do today that makes a difference tomorrow, the year after, the century after, it was all the same. That drive, that passion, that fulfillment. I lived it. I loved it. It made me smile, no matter what.
'Purpose' now means what's for dinner.
'Dreams' used to mean ambition, hope, happiness, family, love, unity.
'Dreams' now means I slept very well.
'Change' used to always be better. Old trees die, but the spring brings new life every year.
'Change' is now a burden. A getting-used-to again.
But i also know, Now is not Forever. Neither am I.
Tomorrow is just a list of to-dos and other formalities.
Today is the touch of love.
Today is the breath of fresh air.
Today is fulfillment. Today is happiness.
Only today. only today.
Let us start Today. Let us live today.
Let us love today.
May the summer breeze waft change in my life, and let me see the best Me that can be.
God be my strength.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Growing Up Rich.
Some point in our time, we experience crisis. There's puberty and mid-life. And then there's now. Right now. Out of school, almost out of school, and almost broke. We all fall under one or more. And me? I'm falling, period.
Talking with me mumma (same conversation that night) i told her how most people in Australia that i know are with rich parents, sending their kids overseas for an overpriced albeit prestigious Uni Melb Degree. I told her i was a spoilt kid, and i didn't want my kids to be like that. I told her i'd settle being middle class. i'd drive a toyota instead of a Mercs, eat Streets instead of Haagen Daz (unless my wife insist ;p...which i'm sure she will...i'll marry one that will) and not live in an oversized mansion. And i'll have a stable employee job, and i'll have family time. Perfect. My mom just shook her head. I was so proud of myself that night. I was noblely giving up the riches, and valuing family. To amount to what? Hypocrisy one night later.
Having a bud with me budds (lame, plus i didn't drink) i was sipping my lemon tea and talking about the future. How to earn money? My fren brought up his entrepreneur ideas about a restaurant with it's focus on being an "experience". Holistic, original and great. Now where to get the capital? I thought for a while. Bringing up my readings on "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", i tried to mask my biomedical science commerce-bonehead ignorance and discussed investment. Which eventually made me think of all the riches i could possibly make and i smiled. A real, huge, self-satisfying, greedy grin. And i still wonder why.
Maybe it's cos i'm that spoilt brat i say i am. no-one has ever called me spoilt. but still, how do you ask a person who's lived a life of "yao qian, shen shou, yao chi, kai kou" (in mandarin, means Want money? reach out your hand. Want to eat? open your mouth. ) to bow down into a life of to-do's and get-along's? It's not easy, and maybe that's why money IS important, whether we like it or not. Maybe it's not about greed, but rather, it's really survival. Earning to support our lifestyle, our entertainment, our so-called "life".
There is definitely more to this. I've seen so many people on the streets in malaysia, with low wages, some really small job with no future in the night market, and they have family. They have kids. How? How do you live on a $10 daily budget and still get by? it is inconceivable to my very comfortable life. Yet people do it.
I want to help people. And i realized i cannot wait to be rich to do that. Cos once i'm rich, i will be selfish. Maybe this is why sacrifice is needed. Your own life, not for the better lives of others, (we can't do that much) but for better days of others. And that is enough to make a difference.
p.s. peeps in melb, dun be offended. I don't work, so i don't earn my keep like i should. You guys do, you rock! And if you don't, you can empathise with me ;p
Talking with me mumma (same conversation that night) i told her how most people in Australia that i know are with rich parents, sending their kids overseas for an overpriced albeit prestigious Uni Melb Degree. I told her i was a spoilt kid, and i didn't want my kids to be like that. I told her i'd settle being middle class. i'd drive a toyota instead of a Mercs, eat Streets instead of Haagen Daz (unless my wife insist ;p...which i'm sure she will...i'll marry one that will) and not live in an oversized mansion. And i'll have a stable employee job, and i'll have family time. Perfect. My mom just shook her head. I was so proud of myself that night. I was noblely giving up the riches, and valuing family. To amount to what? Hypocrisy one night later.
Having a bud with me budds (lame, plus i didn't drink) i was sipping my lemon tea and talking about the future. How to earn money? My fren brought up his entrepreneur ideas about a restaurant with it's focus on being an "experience". Holistic, original and great. Now where to get the capital? I thought for a while. Bringing up my readings on "Rich Dad, Poor Dad", i tried to mask my biomedical science commerce-bonehead ignorance and discussed investment. Which eventually made me think of all the riches i could possibly make and i smiled. A real, huge, self-satisfying, greedy grin. And i still wonder why.
Maybe it's cos i'm that spoilt brat i say i am. no-one has ever called me spoilt. but still, how do you ask a person who's lived a life of "yao qian, shen shou, yao chi, kai kou" (in mandarin, means Want money? reach out your hand. Want to eat? open your mouth. ) to bow down into a life of to-do's and get-along's? It's not easy, and maybe that's why money IS important, whether we like it or not. Maybe it's not about greed, but rather, it's really survival. Earning to support our lifestyle, our entertainment, our so-called "life".
There is definitely more to this. I've seen so many people on the streets in malaysia, with low wages, some really small job with no future in the night market, and they have family. They have kids. How? How do you live on a $10 daily budget and still get by? it is inconceivable to my very comfortable life. Yet people do it.
I want to help people. And i realized i cannot wait to be rich to do that. Cos once i'm rich, i will be selfish. Maybe this is why sacrifice is needed. Your own life, not for the better lives of others, (we can't do that much) but for better days of others. And that is enough to make a difference.
p.s. peeps in melb, dun be offended. I don't work, so i don't earn my keep like i should. You guys do, you rock! And if you don't, you can empathise with me ;p
Monday, January 23, 2006
Life is for living, we all know.
I realize that posting lyrics on your blog ain't too smart, considering most people actually don't bother to read all the small and wordy stuff.
However, i just did. look below. and i hope you read it.
Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.
But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.
As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.
But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.
-Coldplay, Life is for Living
The last line echoes in my head. Over and over. Having this talks with your mom in the night is spiritually and emotionally challenging. All at once my values i cherish dearly are challenged. And i can't say things to hurt my mom. Not when she only sees me once a year, one week every 52. Yet i still do, subtley. When i question her teaching methods. When i wonder aloud what happened to me when i was a kid. When i get talking about me staying in australia the next 5 years. And still, it fustrates me when she question and object , at the same time (women can really multitask, eh?), the way i handle my friends, and the decisions i make about myself in australia. And we get talking about my future. And how i will find her a really good daughter-in-law. And she will poke fun at it. She's funny when she finally decides to cut me a little slack. Which will remind me of the women i'm missing in my life. My mom and my sister. And my ex, who would be that mother figure i depended on for a year. And the lost of all that in my uni years. How i shyed away from forming close lady friends. How i started to not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. How i couldn't deal with all the silent moments where i ran out of things to say.
And the worst of it all, to come down and deal with the disappointment i so readily handed out to my friends. Gaining trust all over again, listening, shutting up, paying attention, getting a grip, thinking before speaking, being more sensitive, being less sensitive, hurting, hurting, hurting. Never knew a human being could rain like a 'water tap'.
And to bounce back, to have the strength to forget, forgive, move on. I could have never done without you peeps standing by me.
And i will walk this song. this song of life.
For songs are made for singing. And life is made for living.
p.s. this is the most romantic apology i've come across. Good idea to learn it now, buy a guitar, and use it I.C.S.H. (In Case Shit Happens). ;)
However, i just did. look below. and i hope you read it.
Now I never meant,
To do you wrong,
That’s what I came here to say.
But if I was wrong,
Then I’m sorry,
I don’t let it stand in our way.
As my head just aches,
When I think of,
The things that I shouldn’t have done.
But, life is for living,
We all know,
And I don’t wanna live it alone.
-Coldplay, Life is for Living
The last line echoes in my head. Over and over. Having this talks with your mom in the night is spiritually and emotionally challenging. All at once my values i cherish dearly are challenged. And i can't say things to hurt my mom. Not when she only sees me once a year, one week every 52. Yet i still do, subtley. When i question her teaching methods. When i wonder aloud what happened to me when i was a kid. When i get talking about me staying in australia the next 5 years. And still, it fustrates me when she question and object , at the same time (women can really multitask, eh?), the way i handle my friends, and the decisions i make about myself in australia. And we get talking about my future. And how i will find her a really good daughter-in-law. And she will poke fun at it. She's funny when she finally decides to cut me a little slack. Which will remind me of the women i'm missing in my life. My mom and my sister. And my ex, who would be that mother figure i depended on for a year. And the lost of all that in my uni years. How i shyed away from forming close lady friends. How i started to not know how to communicate with the opposite sex. How i couldn't deal with all the silent moments where i ran out of things to say.
And the worst of it all, to come down and deal with the disappointment i so readily handed out to my friends. Gaining trust all over again, listening, shutting up, paying attention, getting a grip, thinking before speaking, being more sensitive, being less sensitive, hurting, hurting, hurting. Never knew a human being could rain like a 'water tap'.
And to bounce back, to have the strength to forget, forgive, move on. I could have never done without you peeps standing by me.
And i will walk this song. this song of life.
For songs are made for singing. And life is made for living.
p.s. this is the most romantic apology i've come across. Good idea to learn it now, buy a guitar, and use it I.C.S.H. (In Case Shit Happens). ;)
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Expressions of Love
"You'd think that people would have had enough of
silly love songs.
But I look around me
and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that ?
I'd like to know '
cause here I go
again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I loveyou."
-Wings, Silly Love Songs
And really, what IS wrong with that? Born with a dick, people like to think that it is un-seemly to express myself in love. After losing chances to show my love for people i truly care about, i have felt the urgency of every loved one to be bathed in my love all the time. And that was what i set out to do.
But it seems that things are not going well. i may be doing it wrong in a few ways,
a) i come onto people as being gay. Well, i'm sure MANY peeeps will agree that ain't something new. But men can show love to one another outwardly, can't they? With my guy friends, i always have to settle for assuming their actions, their attitudes, and the things they say, the time they spend with you, to feel the love. I guess i'm a person with that great need to feel love. throw a little insecurity and you've probably figured me out.
b) i'm oversensitive. Maybe i don't feel the love because i take them too seriously. Most times, contrary to popular belief, Guys just wanna have fun (to those wols peeps, the song 'girls just wanna have fun' is being satired). This one is a tough one for me. Maybe i changed to trying to take them seriously because i wanted to be taken seriously. maybe i should learn a tad or two about timing, or rather, good timing.
c) Love just isn't about outward expression. I am aware now that people can regard an outward expression of love to be superficial, almost routine. refering to the aussie culture, where touch is a common aspect of their social behaviour. A hug can mean lots, and it can, at the same time, mean absolutely chicken shit. Of course, i ain't no Oz, so if you get a hug from me, i'm for real, baby! and Kel, i know you're for real too....Keep it real ma nigga. Perhaps, as i always preach but forget to do myself, it is deeds, not words, that are our adorning. And above all, the thought and intention and effort that counts.
d) Love must come from the heart. Sincerity, maybe, is the point of issue here. That, i must say, can only be judged by the receiver, and it is for me only to remain true to my heart and be sincere.
My goal is to become a person that is absolutely un-superficial with feelings. And when it comes down to taking a left-down-hatred-lane or right-up-where-it-feels-good-lane, i'd absolutely be obeying the "no left turn" road sign. Cheers to building true friendships!
two words: Keep it Real. shut up, 'it' aint a real word, it stands for.........
silly love songs.
But I look around me
and I see it isn't so
Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs
And what's wrong with that ?
I'd like to know '
cause here I go
again.
I love you
I love you
I love you
I loveyou."
-Wings, Silly Love Songs
And really, what IS wrong with that? Born with a dick, people like to think that it is un-seemly to express myself in love. After losing chances to show my love for people i truly care about, i have felt the urgency of every loved one to be bathed in my love all the time. And that was what i set out to do.
But it seems that things are not going well. i may be doing it wrong in a few ways,
a) i come onto people as being gay. Well, i'm sure MANY peeeps will agree that ain't something new. But men can show love to one another outwardly, can't they? With my guy friends, i always have to settle for assuming their actions, their attitudes, and the things they say, the time they spend with you, to feel the love. I guess i'm a person with that great need to feel love. throw a little insecurity and you've probably figured me out.
b) i'm oversensitive. Maybe i don't feel the love because i take them too seriously. Most times, contrary to popular belief, Guys just wanna have fun (to those wols peeps, the song 'girls just wanna have fun' is being satired). This one is a tough one for me. Maybe i changed to trying to take them seriously because i wanted to be taken seriously. maybe i should learn a tad or two about timing, or rather, good timing.
c) Love just isn't about outward expression. I am aware now that people can regard an outward expression of love to be superficial, almost routine. refering to the aussie culture, where touch is a common aspect of their social behaviour. A hug can mean lots, and it can, at the same time, mean absolutely chicken shit. Of course, i ain't no Oz, so if you get a hug from me, i'm for real, baby! and Kel, i know you're for real too....Keep it real ma nigga. Perhaps, as i always preach but forget to do myself, it is deeds, not words, that are our adorning. And above all, the thought and intention and effort that counts.
d) Love must come from the heart. Sincerity, maybe, is the point of issue here. That, i must say, can only be judged by the receiver, and it is for me only to remain true to my heart and be sincere.
My goal is to become a person that is absolutely un-superficial with feelings. And when it comes down to taking a left-down-hatred-lane or right-up-where-it-feels-good-lane, i'd absolutely be obeying the "no left turn" road sign. Cheers to building true friendships!
two words: Keep it Real. shut up, 'it' aint a real word, it stands for.........
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Summer Breeze!
Finally i'm back here blogging. although this time it's just pictures! i guess i can't wait to show all you peeps our crazy times in Queensland and Sydney, where we flew up to Cairns and drove down back to Melbourne. Most of the 2 week trip was spent on the coast of Queensland, the Sunshine State! hehehee and check out my fav pics, those with Jump for Joy! (remember Russell Peters??)
anyway, i'd probably be back blogging in a while. unless my keyboard dies on me again zzz.
peace out and stay healthy!
i do, and i will, miss all you peeps out there. love!
Joon Win
anyway, i'd probably be back blogging in a while. unless my keyboard dies on me again zzz.
peace out and stay healthy!
i do, and i will, miss all you peeps out there. love!
Joon Win
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